"We need to take a step back. We both have a lot going on. Our plates are full."

[Nightstick008]

Be it as it may. I'm a professional. I have a graduate level education and currently on my second divorce. I am of middle class with integrity that allows morals to guide me. As a man I have never been a cheater or liar. Both of my last two wives lied and cheated. I work two jobs and enjoy being social.

 

About six months ago I met a woman whom was single, divorced with two children that were grown. She was very beautiful but self conscious about her weight. She's very intelligent even though she never went beyond high school.

 

I knew she had some toss ups over a high school love, she even lived with him for a short period and then moved back. She had told me she had several relationships that had lasted a few years. At least two of them were with younger men.

 

When we started to become romantic it was a whirl wind. Great sex. She loved to snuggle as much as I do. We spoke of future and professed love. It was like a weight had been lifted off me for the first time in a long time.

 

Then she claimed I was doubting her love. I actually did ask if she truely loved me. She then labeled this as pushing her away. She then again stated that I was pushing her away because I compared something she did to my ex. In six month we had one spat. Of course it was alcohol induced. She pressed me about the impending divorce proceedings with my second wife. I became anxious and just needed to go for a walk. She became upset and called a friend of mine. I guess she was worried. I just needed to cool down. I don't like to fight with women and I've always been one to walk away and cool off.

 

 

 

About two weeks after this little spat we had spent the weekend together. Things seemed fine. Sunday night we watched a game. I was seated with her. She must not have thought I was paying attention. Her old high school flame sent a text asking her to move in with him. I didn't say anything. I ignored it as I thought she loved me.

 

It was Monday morning. She was getting up for work as I made her breakfast after her shower. On her way out the door she informed me, "I think we need to take a step back. We both have a lot going on and both of our plates are full." I'd never heard of this. I didn't know what she was talking about.

 

Then I was getting the quiet treatment. For about two weeks she "ghosted," me. Another thing I didn't know about. It was aweful torture. Not knowing what was going on.

 

After that she slowly would facebook or phone text me. Anytime I asked questions she told me I was pushing her away. I asked politely what I had done wrong and if it was over. I was afraid to upset her for fear she would completely shut me out. I have fallen deeply in love with this woman. She led me on to believe she loved me and I opened my heart. Now I'm broken hearted. I keep thinking deep down there is hope for us to reconnect and come back together. How foolish I am.

 

I'm not completely ignorant. She did admit that she had contacted the high school boy friend. She reported he didn't answer her back. I continued to press her if there would be a future for us when she was done as she put it, "being me for a while." I never got a straight answer.

 

I spoke with the woman that introduced us. It was apparent that she didn't want to be in the middle. I don't blame her. I don't have anyone to talk with.

 

I do love this woman. Obviously I'm in terrible pain. I haven't slept decent in a few weeks. I have no motivation to move on. I have been put in friend zone. I am not to ask intimate questions or she threatens to unfriend me from facebook or just stop having communication with me.

 

I have had two nice ladies interested in me romanticlly. I just am not interested in that. I still care about this other woman.

 

I wonder if I just live in a fantacy world where I believe in love. Where it's an intimate part of my being that I share or connect with anothers' soul. I thought this time I had found it.

 

If it wasn't for my teen age daughter I would have killed myself a long time ago. I am moderately successful professionally. Not as successful as I'd like to be. I deal with suicide on a regular basis. It's not the answer. I see what it leaves behind. My kid already has issues from her parents failed marriages.

 

It's just feeling this empty void over and over again. The depression that last from such a break up. A senseless breakup. I have failed at so much in life, that I don't know how long I will go on to last anymore. How much do I want to go on?

[loveiswar101]

Wow! This is a lot to take in and at the moment for you, you do need to take a step back (not from your lady friend) but from you and life.

 

Firstly don't go down the rabbit hole, take a step back and believe in you as a person. From what you have wrote you are a spitting image of me. Loving caring but just to nice it seems, I believe in love, but it takes two people not just one ie you. And yes i have thought of the S word many a time and I mean many actually trying once. It will solve nothing and will not fix your current situation.

 

Do not and I mean do not be held hostage to this woman. Let her be, do you want to be with someone who threatens you for being nice..no Do you want a woman who is going behind your back with another male..no.

 

You want some one who complements your life and someone who is honest truthful and caring to you as you are to them.

 

If it was me I would just cut her of and move on. Stand your ground and say what you want, if she does not want the same is it really worth your time trying to make it work. Trust me, im in same dilemma now and yes my emotions are all over the place but i believe very much in just one sentence of "why try keep someone in your ife who isnt trying to keep you in their's"

 

Go out with the other ladies, you dont have to get close just go out have fun, exercise and eat well. Look after your daughter and have fun...don't waste your time on some one who ignores you, ghosts you, emotionally cheats on you.

 

Best wishes.

[Cookies101]

If she can't see the person you are, she was never worth your time. Don't make the same mistake i made and be taken for a fool. Saying she wants a break is her saying she doesn't value you enough, or hasn't reached the stage where she appreciates every human being for who they are and realises everyone is special, and that therefore she is massively lucky to have met somebody special and will not throw it away over night. Pfft, move on.

[Nightstick008]

I read a No Contact rule thread. Seemed firm and may have worked well. I initiated it. She said fine and then demanded the only item I still had be dropped off at a mutual friends.

 

I also unfriended her from face book. Now I'm out of my mind because I have no contact with her. I have read what a couple people are posting as perhaps she wasn't meant to be in their replies.

 

Perhaps if I was thinking in my right mind I would agree. Perhaps I would think if we hadn't had such a whirlwind romance and gotten along so well it wasn't meant to be. Problem is we did get along well. We got along great.

 

I'm not trying to knock her down. She is a great girl with her own medical and psychological issues. No one is perfect and I'm far from it. I just can't see where one spat or me pushing her away a couple of times caused red flags to go up enough to throw in the towel.

 

I'm nuts but in a good way. Sure I'm a functioning alcoholic and love great sex. I'm not abusive to any degree. I don't get physical. I don't put people down at least on purpose. I make decent money and I'm not exactly reliant on anyone but myself. This whole thing doesn't make sense.

 

She won't tell me the blatant truth. Is it just me or do all guys not get it sometimes? I don't understand the between the lines or inferred woman language. Why can't someone just say or try to explain what they feel?

[elaine567]

You are a functioning alcoholic and the spat was induced by alcohol.

She got so upset by it she felt it necessary to call a friend of yours to sort you out.

YOU can't minimise that, that is a HUGE deal. and as for comparing her to your ex...

 

A person with few or no options may have decided to let all that pass, but here she has another suitor and so decided to let you go.

I guess he is not a functioning alcoholic...

 

I suggest you get your alcohol under control before you get into another relationship.

[spiderowl]

I am really sorry you are going through this. Just reading what you wrote, I immediately felt this woman is just not emotionally available to you. She is rejecting any kind of emotional involvement, probably because she is still attached to her ex. Anything else that is said or done almost certainly revolves around that particular drama.

 

If you stay in contact with this woman, she will drive you crazy. If you move on and cut contact, it will hurt for a while and be hard to resist contacting her, but you have a chance of recovering. You could meet someone else then. I know at this point that is the last thing on your mind, but that's part of the 'addiction' we tend to feel for someone we have become emotionally involved with. I know it is easy to say this, but it is also easy to sink into the pain and forget that you don't normally feel that way, that there is a better state.

 

I hope you can find a way through this very difficult situation. No contact helps. Posting on here might help too. xx

[Nightstick008]

Well I received some clarity from her today. She sent me a nice series of messages. I had asked her to be blunt.

 

She informed me there was no one else. She said there is no chance we will get back together but she would like to stay friends.

 

I appreciated her honesty. I hated hearing the reality but I appreciate it. Sad thing is I actually do love her. I did actually try pretty hard. She had me the happiest in years.

 

To hear that I made her miserable for a month broke me down. She told me I repeatedly questioned her love. She told me that the one fight which wasn't actually a fight. It was more or less that she offered to give or loan me money so that I would get an attorney for my divorce. I took it as a personal attack. I was ashamed that I didn't have money and kinda almost needed to rely on someone else. I reacted wrongly. I know I was under stress and I chose to walk away rather than face the issue.

 

She took me walking away as rejection that caused her extreme emotional distress. She informed me that it was a total amount of the circumstances that caused her to end the relationship.

 

I see her point. I just looked at the bigger picture and figured there are always ups and downs and since we had such a great thing going on, we would endure and over come it.

 

I was wrong. Very wrong. She took it as rejection that she was unable to handle, as she was starting a new career and moving into a new apartment. She was reminded of heart break from previous relationships.

 

Well I have been so broken hearted that I'm not coping. I realized I have nothing but failed in relationships. I am an easy going person. I don't judge. I'm social. I'm educated. I have responsible positions in the community. I have a decent job. I'm moderately successful. But I have failed at all relationships.

 

I'm going through a divorce. The divorce relationship had hurt me. I wasn't looking for another relationship when I encountered this new woman unexpectadly. It fell together quickly and she was or seemed to have all the qualities I loved and wanted. Kinda a story book romance.

 

Now that I have failed it. I wrote my current wife a message and told her to have her lawyer draw up what ever she wants. I told her to take what ever she wants from my house. I already know she's going after my retirement and also allimony. She's not gonna get it. I'm going to take my own life. I'm going to make it look like an accident so my kid get the insurance money.

 

This other woman had nothing to do with ending my marriage. My marriage was done when my wife had an affair. Everyone knew about it and I didn't find out about it for two years later. I was left looking like a fool. She just acted like I should accept it. I lost love for her. I don't even feel sorry for her anymore.

 

I have a couple of nice woman that want to have relationships with me. I don't have any desire. They are wonderful people and we would make nice a nice couple. Problem is that it's not this woman that I'm here upset over.

 

The one I'm upset over has my heart. I'm so depressed that I made the decision to die. I have no motivation to go on. I feel I have only failed and will not ever be loved or be able to love again.

[whichwayisup]

You're having a rough time, please reach out to a good trusted friend and also get counseling. Call 911 and get help NOW if you are feeling so bad that you want to commit suicide.

 

You have a daughter who loves you and needs you so please be strong and make her your number one priority. Forget women and relationships for a while, having a gf while you were in the midst of a divorce probably wasn't such a great idea.

[Nightstick008]

I attempted to end it all last night. I guess the mixture of booze and drugs made me pass out instead of killing me. Like a dumb ass I called and left a good bye message. Police were banging on my door this morning. I lied. They left.

 

She completely cut off all contact with me. Her friend messaged me to get help. I will try to get some help.

[whichwayisup]

I attempted to end it all last night. I guess the mixture of booze and drugs made me pass out instead of killing me. Like a dumb ass I called and left a good bye message. Police were banging on my door this morning. I lied. They left.

 

She completely cut off all contact with me. Her friend messaged me to get help. I will try to get some help.

 

Please DO get that help you desperately need. You have a daughter to think about and many people who love and care about you.

 

I'm shocked the police just left, even though they were contacted by your loved ones after you left a note.

 

Meds and counseling can help you cope with all that's going on in a healthy way. You're in a low point in your life and please get to counseling asap.

[Nightstick008]

A woman that said she loved me put me through the ringer. I moved on. It wasn't easy. I was forced to go to a doctor. That didn't help one bit. I just coped on my own.

 

Now here it is a year later and I'm not much better off. In another whacked relationship and still pending divorce.

 

Maybe I'm just better off single.

[Mac0908]

A woman that said she loved me put me through the ringer. I moved on. It wasn't easy. I was forced to go to a doctor. That didn't help one bit. I just coped on my own.

 

Now here it is a year later and I'm not much better off. In another whacked relationship and still pending divorce.

 

Maybe I'm just better off single.

 

Dude. You have some self esteem issues and you need some tough loving here. What happened to you last year absolutely wasn't your fault. This woman clearly had some psychological issues and she pushed YOU away, literally, when she ended it that morning. Questioning your love for her without a motive? A random text from a high school love asking her to MOVE IN with him???? Come on man. This woman obviously was a piece of work. That being said, if it were meant to be she would have realized it and came back to you which she didn't, so for that it's simply her loss.

 

To think you tried blaming yourself afterwards by not running after her is ridiculous. Good for you going No Contact and showing her that you're too old for games and deserve better. Hopefully you've at least learned not to mess around with insecure emotionally sporadic women like this, they will drive every guy they date crazy and will never be satisfied.

 

I was just put through the ringer myself in the worst way i've EVER experienced in my life and I'm still in some significant pain at times. For the first time in my life at 33 years old I thought I had met the one. Had gf's in the past but never felt the way I did for them that I did with this girl in the short time we were together. Still feels surreal that it all happened to me. I've lost much sleep too. But I can tell you one thing about life that i've learned and you clearly need to learn yourself.... It goes on.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Mac0908