She waits until I fall asleep to....

[anduina]

And this, lads, is why you don't dip your wick in crazy.

 

It's time to split if she won't respect your boundaries and exhibits hypocritical behaviors.

[Downtown]

TGM, identifying most of the 18 warning signs as strong -- i.e., identifying 10 of the 18 -- would indicate that you're seeing a strong pattern of BPD traits. But you go far beyond that, identifying 16 of the 18 as strong. So, yes, you are describing a very strong pattern of BPD red flags.

 

The only item that surprised me is your response to trait #13, saying "Not so much" to her mirroring your personality during the courtship period. This is surprising because BPDers (i.e., those exhibiting strong and persistent traits) typically have such a weak, fragile sense of self identity that -- when infatuated during the courtship period -- they tend to mirror the partner's personality and preferences at the outset. Indeed, they initially are attracted to partners having a strong personality because they lack a stable, integrated sense of who they really are.

 

Yet, as soon as the infatuation period wanes, the BPDer's fear of engulfment returns and you will start triggering it. Specifically, while you are providing the strong self identity that she so sorely needs and desires, she will start feeling suffocated and controlled by you. Because she is projecting those hurtful thoughts and feelings onto you, she will be absolutely convinced they are coming from you. She thus will start creating fights -- over absolutely nothing at all -- to push you away and give her breathing space.

 

Hence, when I said that a BPDer will mirror your personality/preferences during the courtship period, I did not mean to imply that this mirroring will continue. Rather, it will tend to occur only when she is splitting you white (idealizing you), something that will occur less and less often as the R/S progresses. She will increasingly "split you black" (devalue you). Because your R/S has progressed to her splitting you black and behaving like "The Victim" nearly all the time, it may be difficult for you to recall the times when she mirrored your personality/preferences (if, indeed, it ever occurred at all).

 

She tells me a lot that I don't do enough for her and I don't love her.

If she is a BPDer, she is filled with so much self loathing that she does not like herself. Until she learns how to love herself, she will remain unable to trust your ability to love her. Granted, she may feel that you love her for a few days. But that feeling cannot last because a BPDer lives in fear that, once you discover how truly empty she is on the inside, you will lose all affection for her and walk away. The result is that a BPDer is a bottomless pit of need. Trying to fill it up by sacrificing yourself is as futile as trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a squirt gun. It is an impossible task.

 

But I genuinely have no idea what I have done wrong.

More to the point, it is impossible to do anything right while living with a BPDer. Like nearly every other adult, a BPDer craves intimacy -- especially with a partner having a strong stable personality. But when you draw close to assure her of your love, you will trigger her great fear of engulfment -- and she will accuse you of controlling and suffocating her. On the other hand, when you back off to give her breathing space, you will start triggering her great fear of abandonment. Sadly, there is no Goldilocks position -- midway between "too close" and "too far" -- where you can safely stand.

 

She was put on depression and anxiety tablets.

With regard to depression, 80% of female BPDers suffer from a co-occurring mood disorder such as Major Depressive Disorder or bipolar disorder. With regard to anxiety, 81% of female BPDers suffer from a co-occurring anxiety disorder. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

 

I have split up with her before because of this behaviour, but we got back together on the understanding that it would stop. It hasn't. I have now asked for a break.

TGM, that's two breakups in two years. I mention this because it is common for the abused partners of BPDers to attempt to leave many times. Indeed, BPDer relationships are notorious for having multiple breakups. A BPDfamily survey of about 460 such relationships found that nearly a fourth of them (23%) went through 10 or more complete breakup/makeup cycles BEFORE finally ending for good. About 40% of the BPDer relationships experienced at least six breakup/makeup cycles before ending. And 73% had three or more breakup/makeup cycles before finally ending. See "Results" at BPDfamily Breakup/Makeup Poll.

 

She has major aggression problems.... and this is something that I am now unable to put up with.

Smart decision, TGM. There are several online resources that may help you stay away from that toxic relationship. One of them, available here at LoveShack, is Salparadise's 2016 Post describing what it feels like to live with a BPDer wife for 23 years. Two of them are BPDfamily articles written by professionals. They are Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD and the article Leaving a Partner with BPD.

 

The fourth resource is the best explanation I have found of how excessive caregivers (like you and me) get to be this way during our childhoods. It is Shari Schreiber's blog article at Do You Love to be Needed?. Schreiber argues that, due to childhood dynamics with our parents, our desire to be needed (for what we can do) far exceeds our desire to be loved (for the men we already are). If you've been living with an abusive BPDer for a year and dating her for two years, you likely are an excessive caregiver like me.

[TheGirthMachine]

If she is as bad as you claim, why isn't she an ex? Instead of dissecting and bashing her, leave already! Why do you stay and complain about a relationship that isn't working for you?

 

I have left. She's my ex. I'm getting help with the breakup, hence why I am on here answering the questions. But thanks for the tough love haha

[TheGirthMachine]

And this, lads, is why you don't dip your wick in crazy.

 

It's time to split if she won't respect your boundaries and exhibits hypocritical behaviors.

 

Hypocritical behaviour was massive in our relationship. She would always do the exact thing she would be kicking off at me about. But when I called her on it, telling her she does the same but it's ok, she just tells me I am in denial and try to turn everything around on her :/

[Chilli]

Must admit TG , yours is far far worse than mine, sorry mate but l'm glad to say.

l did the same test and yeah she scored very high too.

But thinking about the actual times in more detail l realized it's only now and then and mainly only if l disagree with her on something very serious to her like her ex for example and one or two other things.

Apart from that she's actually great and very consistent.

Maybe we have hope yet.

Mines also had a terrible run with men but her ex, that was on a whole nother plain and it left her in very serious shape for a long long time. Which she was only just coming out of mentally and finding herself again after 3yrs, when l met her.

 

She's said to me many times that she needs to feel 110% secure that l am in this and won't leave her, which breaks my heart to hear her talk like that , but l do often feel with her that if she felt that 110%, she'd be just fine.

And the further we go and the more stronger my feelings, l must admit the better and better she does get.

 

How old was she TG ?

Edited March 2, 2017 by Chilli

[duncsvoice]

I'll go along with the BPD comments.

 

Your situation rings scarily true. It won't get any better for you, unless she admits there's an issue and has intensive therapy for a long time, which I bet you she won't.

 

Take it from someone who has spent the last year recovering from a 2 year relationship. Get out. STAY OUT. Save yourself.

[Chilli]

I'll go along with the BPD comments.

 

Your situation rings scarily true. It won't get any better for you, unless she admits there's an issue and has intensive therapy for a long time, which I bet you she won't.

 

Take it from someone who has spent the last year recovering from a 2 year relationship. Get out. STAY OUT. Save yourself.

 

 

Was yours something anywhere near as regular as TG's was, duncsvoice?

[TheGirthMachine]

TGM, identifying most of the 18 warning signs as strong -- i.e., identifying 10 of the 18 -- would indicate that you're seeing a strong pattern of BPD traits. But you go far beyond that, identifying 16 of the 18 as strong. So, yes, you are describing a very strong pattern of BPD red flags.

 

The only item that surprised me is your response to trait #13, saying "Not so much" to her mirroring your personality during the courtship period. This is surprising because BPDers (i.e., those exhibiting strong and persistent traits) typically have such a weak, fragile sense of self identity that -- when infatuated during the courtship period -- they tend to mirror the partner's personality and preferences at the outset. Indeed, they initially are attracted to partners having a strong personality because they lack a stable, integrated sense of who they really are.

 

Yet, as soon as the infatuation period wanes, the BPDer's fear of engulfment returns and you will start triggering it. Specifically, while you are providing the strong self identity that she so sorely needs and desires, she will start feeling suffocated and controlled by you. Because she is projecting those hurtful thoughts and feelings onto you, she will be absolutely convinced they are coming from you. She thus will start creating fights -- over absolutely nothing at all -- to push you away and give her breathing space.

 

Hence, when I said that a BPDer will mirror your personality/preferences during the courtship period, I did not mean to imply that this mirroring will continue. Rather, it will tend to occur only when she is splitting you white (idealizing you), something that will occur less and less often as the R/S progresses. She will increasingly "split you black" (devalue you). Because your R/S has progressed to her splitting you black and behaving like "The Victim" nearly all the time, it may be difficult for you to recall the times when she mirrored your personality/preferences (if, indeed, it ever occurred at all).

 

If she is a BPDer, she is filled with so much self loathing that she does not like herself. Until she learns how to love herself, she will remain unable to trust your ability to love her. Granted, she may feel that you love her for a few days. But that feeling cannot last because a BPDer lives in fear that, once you discover how truly empty she is on the inside, you will lose all affection for her and walk away. The result is that a BPDer is a bottomless pit of need. Trying to fill it up by sacrificing yourself is as futile as trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a squirt gun. It is an impossible task.

 

More to the point, it is impossible to do anything right while living with a BPDer. Like nearly every other adult, a BPDer craves intimacy -- especially with a partner having a strong stable personality. But when you draw close to assure her of your love, you will trigger her great fear of engulfment -- and she will accuse you of controlling and suffocating her. On the other hand, when you back off to give her breathing space, you will start triggering her great fear of abandonment. Sadly, there is no Goldilocks position -- midway between "too close" and "too far" -- where you can safely stand.

 

With regard to depression, 80% of female BPDers suffer from a co-occurring mood disorder such as Major Depressive Disorder or bipolar disorder. With regard to anxiety, 81% of female BPDers suffer from a co-occurring anxiety disorder. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

 

TGM, that's two breakups in two years. I mention this because it is common for the abused partners of BPDers to attempt to leave many times. Indeed, BPDer relationships are notorious for having multiple breakups. A BPDfamily survey of about 460 such relationships found that nearly a fourth of them (23%) went through 10 or more complete breakup/makeup cycles BEFORE finally ending for good. About 40% of the BPDer relationships experienced at least six breakup/makeup cycles before ending. And 73% had three or more breakup/makeup cycles before finally ending. See "Results" at BPDfamily Breakup/Makeup Poll.

 

Smart decision, TGM. There are several online resources that may help you stay away from that toxic relationship. One of them, available here at LoveShack, is Salparadise's 2016 Post describing what it feels like to live with a BPDer wife for 23 years. Two of them are BPDfamily articles written by professionals. They are Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD and the article Leaving a Partner with BPD.

 

The fourth resource is the best explanation I have found of how excessive caregivers (like you and me) get to be this way during our childhoods. It is Shari Schreiber's blog article at Do You Love to be Needed?. Schreiber argues that, due to childhood dynamics with our parents, our desire to be needed (for what we can do) far exceeds our desire to be loved (for the men we already are). If you've been living with an abusive BPDer for a year and dating her for two years, you likely are an excessive caregiver like me.

 

Thank you so much for your response, it has really helped me. I am finding it very difficult during this breakup period as I am now only remembering the good times. And tbh, there were a lot of good times, however, as everyone else has said on the links you provided, there are really good times but then instantly really bad times, usually directly after the good times.

 

I am finding it hard as she is posting a lot of stuff online about how amazing her life is since the breakup. It seems like 5 minutes ago that she was asking me to have kids with her and to marry her etc. But then as we obviously have another big argument over something I have apparently done wrong, and then i finally finish it, instantly right after she is posting how amazing her life is now. I find it really hard to understand how she can go from wanting kids and marriage etc, but then days/weeks/months after us breaking up she is posting about how amazing it is being single and how good of a time she is having now.

 

She keeps putting posts about how she 'is winning', and also posting pictures with a lot of guy friends... This is hard to see, and it is making me miss her. I tried so hard throughout the relationship but she was never happy (i took her to paris, rhodes, wales, london etc, stop seeing my friends much and only really saw her), but now that she is single, she is making it clear about how an amazing time she is having and how happy she is... She is also posting a lot of stuff about being cheated on, however there was never any cheating done in the relationship... I feel like she is trying to make out as though i was a really bad bf and that i cheated on her, but i feel this is completely not the case, and all my friends and family tell me that i couldnt have done anything more for her, that i treated her amazingly... yet to see her slate me online about how bad a bf i am, and now shes single shes so happy etc, it really hurts... It kind of makes me feel that i was a bad bf and that i should of tried harder...

 

None of her friends or family liked me, not because of anything i ever did to them, because i never did anything but be friendly with them, but because of the things that she told them about me (which were usually her thoughts about me cheating and being a bad bf etc). She told me how her ex fella was barred from her parents house because he was a bad bf, but now im thinking she probably made this up too. All of her previous bf's split up with her, and apparently when they were the ones who cheated on her... I found this strange as she is really pretty, and in her own words her exes were not very good looking. So for them to cheat on her, but then finish her, when they were 'ugly' as she says is quite bizarre. But if they all finished her, then surely they couldnt put up with her bpd either?

 

I am just finding it difficult and really hate the thought of her being with other people. I know that our relationship wasnt healthy, but now that its ended i just tend to think about the good things. Reading all the links you have provided has helped a lot, and it seems as though them people have gone through very similar experiences to me. But seeing how 'amazing of a time' she is having now is making me feel like i was in the wrong and that i was a bad bf, even though she never wanted to break up, it was my decision as i couldnt put up with being shouted at all the time and the hypocritical behaviour. But i suppose once something has ended and you dont hear off them you only really remember the good times.

 

Thanks again for your responses, i am so happy to have come across this site, it has completely opened my eyes and i will always be grateful for the time you have spend helping me

[Downtown]

She is making it clear about how an amazing time she is having and how happy she is.

TGM, if she is a BPDer as you suspect, she is not a happy person. As you found out yourself, she wasn't even happy after you took her to Paris, Rhodes, Wales, and London.

 

I find it really hard to understand how she can go from wanting kids and marriage etc, but then... she is posting about how amazing it is being single and how good of a time she is having now.

It will be far easier for you to understand her rapid flip from Jekyll (adoring you) to Hyde (devaluing you) if you stop thinking of her as a normal adult. Granted, she has the intelligence, education, and body strength of a full grown woman. Yet, if she is a BPDer, she likely has the emotional development of a four year old.

 

As you already know, a young child will adore Daddy when he is bringing out the toys and then, in an instant, flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Well, BPDers exhibit this very same type of flipping from one polar extreme (wanting to marry you) to the other (celebrating your departure). Like young children, the BPDers rely heavily on the primitive ego defenses used by a four year old.

 

This is why you will see frequent temper tantrums, hissy fits, and verbal abuse. And this is why you will see heavy use of black-white thinking -- wherein you will be "split white" (i.e., adored) or "split black" (hated or devalued). Like a young child, a BPDer is too immature to deal with the gray areas of close interpersonal relationships.

 

If they all finished her, then surely they couldn't put up with her bpd either?

Sounds that way to me. Because BPDers hate to be alone, and because they push their partners away when their engulfment fear is triggered, they usually leave a lot of abused ex-partners in their wake.

 

I know that our relationship wasn't healthy, but now that its ended i just tend to think about the good things.

When dating healthy women, please be patient enough to allow the relationship to develop at a normal, healthy rate. Unlike a BPDer, a healthy woman typically will not come out of the gate adoring you, mirroring your preferences, and setting off fireworks -- all within the first two weeks. Instead, it will take her some time to become infatuated and even longer to fall in love with you. For this reason, the ex-partners of BPDers usually have to lower their expectations when they return to dating healthy people.

 

I will always be grateful for the time you have spend helping me.

Thanks for the kind words, TGM. Please keep in mind that, by sharing your experiences here at LoveShack, you likely have helped numerous other members and lurkers. In just three days, your thread has already attracted nearly 850 views.

[TheGirthMachine]

TGM, if she is a BPDer as you suspect, she is not a happy person. As you found out yourself, she wasn't even happy after you took her to Paris, Rhodes, Wales, and London.

 

It will be far easier for you to understand her rapid flip from Jekyll (adoring you) to Hyde (devaluing you) if you stop thinking of her as a normal adult. Granted, she has the intelligence, education, and body strength of a full grown woman. Yet, if she is a BPDer, she likely has the emotional development of a four year old.

 

As you already know, a young child will adore Daddy when he is bringing out the toys and then, in an instant, flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Well, BPDers exhibit this very same type of flipping from one polar extreme (wanting to marry you) to the other (celebrating your departure). Like young children, the BPDers rely heavily on the primitive ego defenses used by a four year old.

 

This is why you will see frequent temper tantrums, hissy fits, and verbal abuse. And this is why you will see heavy use of black-white thinking -- wherein you will be "split white" (i.e., adored) or "split black" (hated or devalued). Like a young child, a BPDer is too immature to deal with the gray areas of close interpersonal relationships.

 

Sounds that way to me. Because BPDers hate to be alone, and because they push their partners away when their engulfment fear is triggered, they usually leave a lot of abused ex-partners in their wake.

 

When dating healthy women, please be patient enough to allow the relationship to develop at a normal, healthy rate. Unlike a BPDer, a healthy woman typically will not come out of the gate adoring you, mirroring your preferences, and setting off fireworks -- all within the first two weeks. Instead, it will take her some time to become infatuated and even longer to fall in love with you. For this reason, the ex-partners of BPDers usually have to lower their expectations when they return to dating healthy people.

 

Thanks for the kind words, TGM. Please keep in mind that, by sharing your experiences here at LoveShack, you likely have helped numerous other members and lurkers. In just three days, your thread has already attracted nearly 850 views.

 

Thanks again for the response, Downtown.

 

So, in terms of moving forward, is my ex, the highly suspected BPDer likely to feel any remorse or guilt in say days/weeks/months/years to come regarding her actions within the relationship? Or do they continue with there normal safety behaviours and blame everything/everyone else for there aggression/tantrums/insecurities?

 

I think I know the answer already as even though all her exes finished her, she was quite vocal about how she 'acted crazy' because they were cheating or being overly close to other females. She maybe said that she was crazy to me a handful of times, she always said that if a girl isnt crazy and doesnt act in an aggressive way to their partner then it means that they dont love them. She always used this one liner on me 'If youre not crazy then you dont love them'. She used to justify her aggression towards me because she only loved me so much.... But i used to respond with how can you be so aggressive towards someone that you do love?

 

Im pretty sure she will be blaming me and slagging me off to her friends and family since the breakup, especially since she used to do this during the breakup. But i think i would get piece of mind if she actually recognised her own flaws in the relationship. But as all the readings suggest, BPDers have very little self awareness, so im not exactly holding my breath regarding this.

 

I do miss her a lot, but the advice from people who have put up with this behaviour for years is very reassuring. I suppose i am lucky that we didnt have kids or get married or get a house together. As it seems as even though she said that these things would of solved her insecurities, it seems as though people who have gone through the same thing have advised that it doesnt solve there issues, they just continue to be aggressive and controlling etc

[Chilli]

It's incredible reading yours in detail because so much is so alike mine except one very big factor.

Mine although she does seem to have most of the traits l've been reading about , in her ways and actions the difference is it is much much milder than any of the others.

With her it's only a now and then type thing, in general she's the best gf you could ever dream of and loves pleasing me and doing all these things for us.

With mine it only flares up now and then in a little short burst if we get into a tangle about something she's particulary touchy about. And that might only be 5mins in a mth - or even less and it blows over very quickly. But a lot can be said in 5mins some times, and things can come out that stick with ya.

And that's the thing.

 

Another big difference with mine to is that she def' improves, more and more , and it really does help her a lot if l don't wobble as she calls it. She def' gets better and better the more and more solid l am about loving her, and she does tell me that's all she needs to know but she does really really need to know that and feel it and see it and since l stepped that up more so, there has been a huge difference in her and she's been even more loving than ever most of the time.

l probably should have laid out actual examples as you have through your thread so that people can actually see and understand what l'm on about.

 

Yours on the other hand , , dunno. Personally l think she's way too far gone and you might end up trying and investing years hoping for some improvement only to get it thrown in your face again and again but , l ain't no expert but she does sound like it'd be quite a fix that's for sure.

But l really wouldn't worry about her online antics, people have eyes and brains yaknow, People are usually well aware of the types that mouth off like like and very very wary of them.

lf anything , to my mind she'd just be coming across as more bitter and angry than ever.

And if she's so damn popular with the men then why can't she keep one.

Anyone that knows her will see all that. But yeah she's def' aiming it at you , but they'd see that too if they're following her crap and to me she'd only look even worse.

 

But as far as a future goes , if you really love her you could try what l've been doing this last wk and then you might be able to see more clearly just what's happened , any repeat and repeat stuff , anything that's helped, or made it worse.

 

l've been making little lists of stuff and went through our emails and things that happened.

And one thing l can see for sure , was that from about 4mths ago, when she explained to me in some real depth one night, about her fears and what she really needs from me, to feel it and see it and know it.

It was all about my wavering and wobbles as she likes to call it.And the last time she was suppose to come over that l had to cancel.

She'd bought tickets and packed and all and she said she still can't believe l couldn't have done something and made it happen.

But l have a business and l just bought a house, there really was nothing l could do, l tried form every angle.

But she said that just made her worry and doubt me really deeply , even that maybe l didn't want her to come and l did it on purpose.

And there were other things but the biggest point was that she really needed to see and feel that l was 100% into her and loved her.

 

So from there because l could finally understand it better l did try to change things like that and it did make a massive difference. And things started to steady up more and more and she was a totally different person with me. More and more loving and solid about us . Even if we got into a disagreement, mostly she became patient and stayed cool and worked it through. And that was only after a few mths.

But that was mine, and as l said she sounds so much more milder and loving and giving than all the others l've been reading about

Edited March 3, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

I think i would get piece of mind if she actually recognized her own flaws in the relationship. But as all the readings suggest, BPDers have very little self awareness, so im not exactly holding my breath regarding this.

TGM, you are wise to not hold your breath waiting for her to recognize her own mistakes. If she is a BPDer (having strong and persistent traits), there are two circumstances under which she will have self awareness. One would occur if she is in that very small share of BPDers -- I would guess perhaps 5% of BPDers -- who are very self aware. Yet, if that were the case, you would have seen evidence of it in your past two years of dating her.

 

Further, if in the unlikely event she were one of the 5%, that self awareness would not lead to any lasting improvements in her behavior unless she also has the ego strength to seek therapy and work hard in it for years. My understanding is that the vast majority of "self awares" -- I would guess 80% of them -- lack that ego strength. The result is that I would be surprised if as many as 1% of high functioning BPDers ever seek therapy and remain in it long enough (several years at least) to make a real difference.

 

Is my ex, the highly suspected BPDer likely to feel any remorse or guilt in say days/weeks/months/years to come regarding her actions within the relationship?

My experience is that, yes, it is likely to occur -- but it almost certainly will not have a lasting effect on anything. During a serious life crisis, BPDers typically experience a "moment of clarity" that may last a day or two. My BPDer exW, for example, experienced these moments on 5 or 6 occasions during our 15 year marriage.

 

On three occasions, for example, I discovered that my exW had run up thousands of dollars of charges on three different credit cards -- cards she had obtained secretly so she could go on spending sprees behind my back. Each time I found out about the secret debt, I was so furious that my exW was (mistakenly) convinced I was going to leave her.

 

She was so scared that she allowed her self loathing to rise to her conscious mind and she was very aware of her betrayal and selfish behavior. Her fear was so great that she was visibly trembling and sobbing. These are the times that she would walk to a nearby high bridge -- or call me from a subway platform, threatening to jump in front of the next train before hanging up the phone. But, sadly, these moments of clarity lasted only a day or two and had no lasting effect whatsoever.

 

Beyond those "moments of clarity," BPDers -- even the high functioning ones -- usually have a vague awareness that something is missing and wrong inside them. Generally, they don't know what is wrong and they don't associate it with any specific abuses against their partners. Instead, it is a vague feeling of being incomplete in some way and it feeds their self loathing and low self esteem. They typically have a vague feeling, for example, that they don't know who they really are. This is why BPDers usually realize that their false self image -- of always being "The Victim" -- is false.

 

In contrast, narcissists believe that their false self image -- of always being nearly perfect and special -- is true. That is, narcissists are so far out of touch with their true selves that, unlike the BPDers, they don't realize that the false self image is false.

 

Im pretty sure she will be blaming me and slagging me off to her friends and family since the breakup, especially since she used to do this during the breakup.

Yes, that almost certainly will occur if she is a BPDer. Indeed, you've already seen it occur with you during the breakup and with her other exBFs as well. Consider yourself lucky that she hasn't had you arrested on a bogus charge of "brutalizing" her, as my exW did to me.

[Downtown]

Mine although she does seem to have most of the traits l've been reading about, in her ways and actions the difference is it is much much milder than any of the others.... much more milder and loving and giving than all the others l've been reading about.

Chilli, I'm very glad to hear that. The fears underlying strong BPD behavior are so painful and self destructive that BPD is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.

[Chilli]

Thanks for that Downtown but yeah she's def' got some pretty hot Italiana temperament thrown in,or deliciously crazy she likes to call it but thankfully reading through the links and stories, thank God no she's nothing like the extent of any of those. And she does work on stuff too.

Big relief .

ps , l'm sorry for the things you and your w must have gone through to btw.

Edited March 4, 2017 by Chilli