Guy at work making moves on my girlfriend

[King Robby]

Well if you have a pretty GF, she will be hit on and flirted with in most any situation. And what girl doesn't like a little attention, especially at her age?

 

I can't count the times staff, and temporary staff that has taken a shine to me over the years....and a few customers. I don't go running to my husband every time because why cause any unnecessary stress over it. I don't encourage it, it just happens. I'm a big girl, I can deal with it........

 

I'm sure from this experience your GF is mature enough to handle such situations without having you involved again.

 

Right, I get that I do, I'm not a jealous guy, of course guys will try and flirt with her from time to time, when we were flying back from SE Asia we did a stop over in North Africa and some guy wanted me to trade her for 3 camels! She always brings that up, cause she says I looked like I considered it!

I get it! And you know like I've had girls flirt with me since we've been together, but it's no threat to our relationship because i would never ever go there, so yeah like, I don't go home and tell her like oh this girl at the pool tends to flirt with me, because it would serve no purpose but to make her feel like insecure or something which she has no cause to feel, and im handling it.

 

But this situation made me feel like i was having to, or needing to, compete for my own girlfriend, which is not a way i want to be feeling. But i appreciate hat after i raised how i was feeling with her there was nothing more she could have done to fix the problem

[anduina]

It's confusing why she had to go to management, particularly when she's the senior. All she had to do was to freeze out his advances while maintaining civility.

[MrDuck]

It's confusing why she had to go to management, particularly when she's the senior. All she had to do was to freeze out his advances while maintaining civility.

 

Its making a statement though isn't it, like a show of commitment to put his mind at rest.

Had she just said "from now I'll shut him down", would he have been able to trust that?

 

She has, at least, shown she's serious!

[anduina]

Its making a statement though isn't it, like a show of commitment to put his mind at rest.

Had she just said "from now I'll shut him down", would he have been able to trust that?

 

She has, at least, shown she's serious!

Since he's been with her for a couple of years and works for the same company, he can observe her amended behaviours in the same manner as her disliked behaviours and know she's serious. I say this because he's mentioned watching her shutting guys down in the past.

 

It's best not to bring up personal issues with coworkers, since that shifts the employee from the asset side of the balance sheet, to a liability side since it makes them appear incompetent, overly dramatic and creates more unnecessary work for their superiors.

[MrDuck]

Since he's been with her for a couple of years and works for the same company, he can observe her amended behaviours in the same manner as her disliked behaviours and know she's serious. I say this because he's mentioned watching her shutting guys down in the past.

True. I guess it depends though how much she really believed he was going to walk, in a way it's like going for the quickest fix possible regardless of the consequences. Almost a bit of a panic move.

 

It's best not to bring up personal issues with coworkers, since that shifts the employee from the asset side of the balance sheet, to a liability side since it makes them appear incompetent, overly dramatic and creates more unnecessary work for their superiors.

Totally agree with this. It might soothe their relationship problems but it reflect very poorly on her professionally, particularly when these doesn't seem to be the first personnel problem shes found herself caught in the middle of...

[smackie9]

It's confusing why she had to go to management, particularly when she's the senior. All she had to do was to freeze out his advances while maintaining civility.

 

No always works in your favor when you do this....sometimes it only exasperates the situation. They then work harder at getting your attention. It's either firmly discuss it directly with them or go to HR and let it go on record. When they know it goes in their file they know they are a few warnings away from dismissal. That will shut them down from doing it with anyone else.

[anduina]

No always works in your favor when you do this....sometimes it only exasperates the situation. They then work harder at getting your attention. It's either firmly discuss it directly with them or go to HR and let it go on record. When they know it goes in their file they know they are a few warnings away from dismissal. That will shut them down from doing it with anyone else.

It depends on how the 'no' is delivered. Since this guy isn't in a position of authority over her, she doesn't need to be afraid of losing her job. As his senior, she can assertively tell him to back off and stop flirting with her. If he continues, she can tell him that if he doesn't stop, she will escalate this to management as sexual harassment. If he continues, then escalate to management so they understand that she's taken all steps necessary to handle an issue outside of her control.

 

It's often the lack of assertiveness from the woman that can confuse the issue, although it doesn't preclude misogyny, obliviousness or entitlement on the part of the harasser.

[Friskyone4u]

King,

 

Go back up there what Smackie9 wrote to you. Women, and they do not have to be knockout gorgeous< get hit on from the time they hit puberty by men. Its called biology.Men are programmed to pursue women.

 

I told you in the beginning, your problem is not loverboy. Stop making him out to be some super predatory flirt king.

 

This issue was created because your girlfriend made you so uncomfortable even doing this while you were sometimes around or would surely hear about it.

 

There is a big difference in liking a little ego boost. Everyone gets it. Women like when men check them out. They are programmed to like that. But when the conversation turns to flirtatious banter, thats when your girlfriend, who is no 15 year old virgin, knew exactly what he was doing and should have shut him down in a New York second. And since your from Australia I think, that means real ****ing fast.

 

Its her that needs to reset her boundaries because you ain't done with men trying to flirt with her. I hope you realize this. And it does not make you a jealous idiot. It makes her someone who needs to re-evaluate her social boundaries.

[preraph]

Right, I get that I do, I'm not a jealous guy, of course guys will try and flirt with her from time to time, when we were flying back from SE Asia we did a stop over in North Africa and some guy wanted me to trade her for 3 camels! She always brings that up, cause she says I looked like I considered it!

I get it! And you know like I've had girls flirt with me since we've been together, but it's no threat to our relationship because i would never ever go there, so yeah like, I don't go home and tell her like oh this girl at the pool tends to flirt with me, because it would serve no purpose but to make her feel like insecure or something which she has no cause to feel, and im handling it.

 

But this situation made me feel like i was having to, or needing to, compete for my own girlfriend, which is not a way i want to be feeling. But i appreciate hat after i raised how i was feeling with her there was nothing more she could have done to fix the problem

 

Yeah, telling someone you're being flirted with can come off as a threat or it can come off as bragging (which translates to insecurity, hoping to make the partner jealous) or it can just be honestly or maybe needing advice if it's an ongoing problem. But in general, no reason to give a partner fuel to their fears. And we all have fears.

[mikeylo]

Yeah, telling someone you're being flirted with can come off as a threat or it can come off as bragging (which translates to insecurity, hoping to make the partner jealous) or it can just be honestly or maybe needing advice if it's an ongoing problem. But in general, no reason to give a partner fuel to their fears. And we all have fears.

 

Yeah. Some do the flirting thing intentionally to make a partner jealous. It backfires big time if the partner is secure in themselves. The loophole is that if you use someone to make partner jealous and it backfires, don't forget to get rid of those ' friends '

 

The fear thing is also correct. No one wants to invest in someone who has one foot out the door.

[King Robby]

Since he's been with her for a couple of years and works for the same company, he can observe her amended behaviours in the same manner as her disliked behaviours and know she's serious. I say this because he's mentioned watching her shutting guys down in the past.

 

It's best not to bring up personal issues with coworkers, since that shifts the employee from the asset side of the balance sheet, to a liability side since it makes them appear incompetent, overly dramatic and creates more unnecessary work for their superiors.

 

I didn't ask her to go to management though, I wouldn't of asked her to do that, I understand that that reflects badly on her, and i know that she's already in a delicate situation at work. But that's not an excuse for her to permit his behaviour!

 

As his senior, she can assertively tell him to back off and stop flirting with her.

 

It's often the lack of assertiveness from the woman that can confuse the issue, although it doesn't preclude misogyny, obliviousness or entitlement on the part of the harasser.

I guess the hard thing is, he can actively deny he is flirting (which is his stance). Flirtings pretty subjective. I know he's flirting with her, I can see it, because its how I flirted with her, all that flirty banter. But its hard to prove right. her word against his.

 

There is a big difference in liking a little ego boost. Everyone gets it. Women like when men check them out. They are programmed to like that. But when the conversation turns to flirtatious banter, thats when your girlfriend, who is no 15 year old virgin, knew exactly what he was doing and should have shut him down in a New York second. And since your from Australia I think, that means real ****ing fast.

 

Its her that needs to reset her boundaries because you ain't done with men trying to flirt with her. I hope you realize this. And it does not make you a jealous idiot. It makes her someone who needs to re-evaluate her social boundaries.

Yeah I do get that, I totally totally agree!!

It's not like him moving section makes the whole problem go away, if doesnt because the problem was never him really, but it is what it is, isnt it? She's trying, If i dont put it behind us and trust her and trust her too have learnt from it then we dont have anything, do we! We just have to try to move forward from this point together

[King Robby]

Working with hims been okay I guess! He's a bit lazy but, I can deal with that.

 

He started a line of conversation along the line of 'All the girls in [section] dont like me / caused problemes for me / kept saying i was flirting with AJ / which is stupid, just cause I talk to her' Buttt i don't want to go down the road with him, (them together made me feel uncomfortable, and thats enought to warrent a problem) so I just shut that kind of convo straight down.

I'm not his buddy, you know? I have enough buddies of my own, i dont need to be his friend, i'm his boss! Not for much longer mind!

[usa1ah]

So how are things going now. I understand what you were saying about the way your gf was replying back to this guy. Does she understand what you meant by it was the same way she was with you?