Guy at work making moves on my girlfriend

[BluesPower]

So i was out on the deck and then after a while she came out and she wasn't defensive. She was like: 'I'll go in tomorrow and tell [manager] that i can't work with him, that he needs to move section or i'll hand in my notice, you are more important than any other guy and any job. I know he's flirting, but I had so many problems with [girls who talked to me regarding her flirting yesterday] like I'm under so much pressure to prove i can run a team and i'm not at the centre of every personnel problem! I thought i couldnt could just be friendly and he'd stop when he got the picture we were happy and solid! I am not flirting back with him. I'm not encouraging him. Like you have to know that! I just thought i was handling it!

 

This section is you handling your business like a grown man, kudos.

 

I have to say that all that BS she was handing you was not good at first. But you got her to see the light.

 

Problem is that now you do have to be more vigilant with her. The things that she was saying were complete BS. This is what women who like the attention they are getting always say.

 

I hope this kind of stuff does not happen again in the future. She simply has to understand that this type of thing is completely disrespectful to you.

 

Good job...

[Space Ritual]

You have nothing to worry about

 

Famous last words.

 

 

As far as talking to this guy, I would not say a freaking word to him. Now that you have shown your hand if indeed this guy is assigned to someone else he will know exactly why. When someone is disciplined and embarrassed at their job like this guy is bound to be if this happens, you don't know how he will react.

 

You may want to steer clear of the place for a few days and give your gf a chance to follow through with her promise. You can always show up unannounced if need be and find out if she has actually done what she said she would.

 

I am urging you to tread lightly now that you have confronted. It seems a little too good to be true that she is going to go from "as thick as thieves" with this guy to "radio silence" just like that, without some sort of fallout.

 

Good Luck with this but I don't think this will be the end of it by a long shot.

[King Robby]

This section is you handling your business like a grown man, kudos.

Right, I'm glad that she's prepared to be firm and clear in dealing with it, and I'm glad it came from her, I didn't need to tell her to do anything! I just wish she would of talked to me about the situation she felt she was in rather than leaving me to figure it out for myself!

 

Problem is that now you do have to be more vigilant with her. The things that she was saying were complete BS. This is what women who like the attention they are getting always say.

Thing is like, surely the ball is in her court! Like I'm not going to start following her round and checking her phone, she either wants to be with me or she doesn't. If she doesn't then, that's heartbreaking but it's not something I can change by keeping tabs on her, I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me, and I won't settle for less than that!

[King Robby]

As far as talking to this guy, I would not say a freaking word to him. Now that you have shown your hand if indeed this guy is assigned to someone else he will know exactly why. When someone is disciplined and embarrassed at their job like this guy is bound to be if this happens, you don't know how he will react.

I'm not remotely scared of him

 

You may want to steer clear of the place for a few days and give your gf a chance to follow through with her promise. You can always show up unannounced if need be and find out if she has actually done what she said she would.

I don't have that kind of short term flexibility! I'm working there tomorrow, but it's her day off, though she's going to go in to talk to the overall manager.

 

I am urging you to tread lightly now that you have confronted. It seems a little too good to be true that she is going to go from "as thick as thieves" with this guy to "radio silence" just like that, without some sort of fallout.

Well it's a hard one, she's only known the guy for like 5 days so it's not like they've built up this fantastic bond! I dunno, I dunno how it's going to go down, like it's embarrassing for everyone involved!

 

Tread lightly like... leave it be and see where the dust settles??

[kgcolonel]

I'm not remotely scared of him

 

 

I don't have that kind of short term flexibility! I'm working there tomorrow, but it's her day off, though she's going to go in to talk to the overall manager.

 

 

Well it's a hard one, she's only known the guy for like 5 days so it's not like they've built up this fantastic bond! I dunno, I dunno how it's going to go down, like it's embarrassing for everyone involved!

 

Tread lightly like... leave it be and see where the dust settles??

 

Yes, leave it be, this is her step to grow as a manager and handle her business. Your job is to be the best employee you can be....if there's any drama, let it be obvious that it came from him, not you or the relationship. It came from his misconduct with his manager that was noticed by others on the job.

[Space Ritual]

Well it's a hard one, she's only known the guy for like 5 days so it's not like they've built up this fantastic bond!

 

Huh?

 

 

This has only been going on for Five days? Are you kidding me?

 

For this whole drama to unfolding such a short period of time would give even a person that has the most rock solid relationship stability pause. That would be concerning to me. Which begs the question. You sure found out alot about this guy over the course of a week. Did you sense a threat on day one?

 

In the end, what should concern you is that this thing snowballed in such a short period of time. If a guy can throw a monkey wrench int a 2 year relationship in five days, that shows your gf certainly at the very least showed a modicum of interest in the attention she got. Maybe this can serve as a wake up call to you that it is never out of the realm of possibility that someone can come along and say the right thing and leave you not knowing what hit you.

[fireflywy]

Okay, you've talked to her and played your hand so sit back and see what she does next with hers.

 

If this doesn't stop then you have a few things you can do to curb her stupid game:

 

1. (The immature route) use wit and your own cockiness to make this guy look a fool in front of her in case she's attracted to stupid things (youth often are) which they consider "alpha" aka bad boy cockness. This is difficult to do and she will know exactly what you're doing unless you are as cool and smooth as James Bond.Also know, that if you take this route, you better be ready to massively shift your core personality and exude supreme confidence and male center at all times because it's what she's attracted to.

 

2. You excel at work or find a better paying job with greater stature which also asserts you as the better man in her eyes regardless of how obnoxious this dude is. If that happens, (and I hate to say this), you get higher standing, create a little insecurity in your gf, and gain power in your relationship dynamic as you have made yourself more desirable to other women. She would then have more to lose. This will also take any potential Beyonce "I can have another you in a minute" b.s. that some women play with their men because you can say it too. (Hell you can say that NOW if you want and you SHOULD have that mindset.)

 

3. You roll the dice and become willing to walk if things don't change. By being willing to do this you will learn that no amount of beauty is worth this disrespect and you tell her that you have value, pride, and confidence that you can find better which will be a blow to her ego and game playing.

 

Out of those three options, number 3 is your best bet to play while you personally strive for number two.

 

Good luck.

 

P.S. If her looks are making you more docile when you should be stronger... get over them. Remember that all of the devourers of men's souls in ancient myth and story had a pretty face.

Edited March 2, 2017 by fireflywy

[King Robby]

This has only been going on for Five days? Are you kidding me?

Aye exactly!!

I guess the thing with it being such a short period of time is it could have gone two ways, it could have continued to develop into something that was destructive to us, or yeah he could of got the picture we were together and it could have burnt out! I'll never know now which way it would have gone but I'm pleased that I acted on it really quickly, it's not like I sat around watching it happen!

 

For this whole drama to unfolding such a short period of time would give even a person that has the most rock solid relationship stability pause.

Totally

 

Which begs the question. You sure found out alot about this guy over the course of a week. Did you sense a threat on day one?

It's a relatively small business, people talk, nothing's private!!! I knew most of what I know about his background the day before he even started, someone that half knew him told me (and everyone). And he's confirmed it all since he started

[King Robby]

Out of those three options, number 3 is your best bet to play while you personally strive for number two.

I agree! I'm not prepared to play stupid games and I'm certainly not prepared to leave my own business I've set up.

You think I strive for number 2? I don't feel like I do, or have, I can't help the fact that I'm a better guy than him in like pretty much every way, I just am! That sounds arrogant as hell but like it's true.

 

P.S. If her looks are making you more docile when you should be stronger... get over them.

I don't feel like I've been really docile or anything, like I saw a problem, and I acted on it, what else can I do really!

[King Robby]

She was pretty upset last night when I went to bed, she was like 'i feel like you're looking at me like I'm a right sl@g, I swear to you like I might have handled it badly but it was never going anywhere, I promise I would of never let that happen, I don't think I actually said sorry earlier but I am sorry, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't the most important guy in my life because you are'

 

She was like fighting crying then, so I told her like 'to come here' or something and gave her a cuddle and then she did cry (which is reallyy rare for her, like she's nof the kinda girl to cry at movies or anything, it has to be really serious to make her cry).

So I told her tht everyone knows I'm the second most important male in her life, after [our dog]

And I brought her tea this morning, like always, cause I don't want her to think I'm completely checking out or anything!

[Darren Steez]

See, i dunno wether i should talk to him next time i see him now? Like now ive spoken to her about it, and if she proceeds to talk to the manager and shes made it clear she wants him to stop .......... Is it now my place as her boyfriend to tell him to back off??? Or should i just not get involved with him??

 

Thoughts?

 

Thoughts? Seriously? A man is making moves on your girlfriend, if it's not your place then whose?

 

Thoughts?

[Jersey born raised]

First: great move bringing her tea in the morning!! Is that your normal routine?

 

Second: welcome to the worid of serious adult relationships. Lots of amazing and great benefits. Couple of pretty obvious ways to blow it big time, in hindsight.

 

So how important is it that she and you be happy long term? To actions:

 

Time enough to google 5 Love Lanuages? It is 5 simple guidines. Along the lines of a really olddy but goodie "Man are from Mars. Woman are from Venus"

 

google "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass".

 

40 years ago I got on my girlfriends case and her friends case after they nearly got my killed. Two huge guys, (I'm six foot and was around 180 aveage tone), both guys drunk and obnoxious, in the woman's dorm, both woman giggled!! And kept giggling!! Both scared out of their wits and looking at me. So I got the guys away to talk to them and asked what's up. "We are looking to get laid"!! My response me two with my fiancé. Well what about her friend I replied "you think she is worth it dudes, come on! They responded "**** where do you think we she go"? So I suggested a local bar I was just at and mentioned a couple of girls I knew and they knew where there and said their odds may be good because when I left there seemed to more girls then girls so off I went.

 

So I went back and told then they where gone and asked why the hell did you giggle? Don't you realize that is girl talk for keep going. That is girl talk for no means maybe YES. Well they where afraid of provoking them, so they giggled. The two worst responses: get away you ..... Or giggling. Your girlfriend choose the wrong approach if she wanted to shut him down.

 

"Not Just Friends will give you and her some insight how to create boundaries.

[mikeylo]

Her reaction was typical , classic as I said in one of my previous posts.

 

The advise by fireflywy is spot on. Take the high road. That will be the mature way and believe me, even though it will be one of the hardest things to do but it will make you stronger.

 

After all is said and done, the chapter isnt closed yet. You cant start your 'happily ever after ' lol. She now knows what exactly pushes your buttons. This boytoy once gone, doesnt solve your problem though. She could take 2 routes from here on : either never ever indulge in any other guy or go in hiding for now but start same again with some other guy and then blame you " King, you have a problem with every guy I speak to" and the cycle will repeat and become exhausting for you.

 

So, tread carefully. No further commitments. Its not a small issue.Remember, the moment a third person enters in your relationship, in any form -- platonic or a 'nothing ' 'meaningless 'person , its the begining of the end.

 

If you want friends, they should be mutual friends whom you meet and talk together as a couple. No one on one with anyone.

 

Every couple has there own rules and this is on number one for most successful relationships.

 

Its not a threat to the relationship. Its a basic requirement.She gave away the power to the guy to destroy and he nearly did. If not him, there will be another king.

 

And yeah, this particular guy needs to be out of your sight. Its a constant reminder of what she did. She 'might ' not repeat but him being around, will not let you forget and move from it.

[preraph]

I'm glad it's sorted, but I beg you to heed what she was telling you about those two troublemakers who were stirring up trouble for her by telling you stuff and do your part and do NOT speak to them again. Because they are probably trying to harm her at work and are probably exaggerating things and do not mean well. So she is doing her part and getting him off her, but now you do your part and tell her now that you know these two blabbermouths are not her work allies, you will not speak to them again. If you do, that is a betrayal.

[King Robby]

First: great move bringing her tea in the morning!! Is that your normal routine?

Yep, always! ...She's not a morning person, caffeine helps!

 

Time enough to google 5 Love Lanuages? It is 5 simple guidines. Along the lines of a really olddy but goodie "Man are from Mars. Woman are from Venus"

Hmm, never heard of this before, I googled it and did the quiz and sent it to her, so mine is apparently physical touch, followed by quality time, and hers is quality time, followed by acts of service. So, i guess its quite got that we both see eye to eye on the quality time thing.

 

So I went back and told then they where gone and asked why the hell did you giggle? Don't you realize that is girl talk for keep going. That is girl talk for no means maybe YES. Well they where afraid of provoking them, so they giggled. The two worst responses: get away you ..... Or giggling. Your girlfriend choose the wrong approach if she wanted to shut him down.

That is weird!!

See she comes across as very forthright, that's how i would of expected her to be. BUT there are situations she gets uncomfortable in, and she's a terror for really overthinking stuff, particularly social situations.

 

"Not Just Friends will give you and her some insight how to create boundaries.

Thanks man, I'll check it out!

[King Robby]

I'm glad it's sorted, but I beg you to heed what she was telling you about those two troublemakers who were stirring up trouble for her by telling you stuff and do your part and do NOT speak to them again. Because they are probably trying to harm her at work and are probably exaggerating things and do not mean well. So she is doing her part and getting him off her, but now you do your part and tell her now that you know these two blabbermouths are not her work allies, you will not speak to them again. If you do, that is a betrayal.

 

This is a tricky one.

They dont get on with her, which isnt an offence in itself, you dont have to be best buds with everyone at work, but they have crossed that line multiple times in the past and not separated professional from personal. They have made her job harder and have put her under pressure from above and below, i dont like the way theyve conducted themselves professionally, and on a personal level of course i dont really like anyone that would treat MY girlfriend, the girl i love like that.

 

But i do have to maintain a professional relationship with them. My business is in its early development at right now a big chunk of my income comes from this company & their facilities. Also they've been very good to me, ive taken a lot of time off to go travelling and i'm a reserve in the RAF and they have been really flexible and accommodating with this.

 

I know just to have a professional relationship with people you dont have to be chatty. But the way the ground lies now they have to work with my gf, they have to communicator with her and her them and there relationship is currently what id describe as 'superficially okay', meaning basically she hasnt forgotten what theyve done in the past but she has to spend 9 hours a day with them.

Hence if shes talking to them it would be weird if i didnt! Id say my relationship with them is 'superficially okay' too, i actually think they like me but theres no way i forgive them for the way they treated AJ and the problems they still make for her but I play nice at work, i say hello, i ask them if they had a good weekend, yada yada.

 

Although I have no doubt that they would just LOVE to see me and my gf not work out, so i certainly would take anything out of their mouths with a pinch of salt!

 

Unfortunately thats the downside of a smallish company!

[King Robby]

She did it. she came into work today and followed through on what she said she would say to the manager.

She came found me after, apparently the manager wasn't very happy, to put it lightly, but she can't afford to lose my girlfriend so she won out in the end, although she'll probably have to pay for it with some awful shifts!

 

So Thursday night is normally jogging night for us, but i figured it had been a tough couple of days all round so instead we went out and ate ridiculous amounts of Chinese food!

 

It's not like everything's forgiven, it's still a bit weird, and I am still mad about the situation but, I was raised by my grandparents, and they were the best couple I've ever known. If I can emulate half the relationship they had then i'll be a very happy man! One of the things that my grandad always said to me was It is only human when your mad at someone you love, its okay to show you're mad, but always remember to show your love too!

 

I'd love to be able to talk to them now and ask their advice on all the challenges i face, because i'm incredibly proud to call them my grandparents, but i cant, so i try and remember all the advice they did give me and apply it in my life, and i hope that if they could see me know they'd be proud to call me their grandson.

 

Its not a case of pretending like everythings fixed because its not! But I still want a future with the girl and i still love her and i do want her to know that.

[preraph]

This is a tricky one.

They dont get on with her, which isnt an offence in itself, you dont have to be best buds with everyone at work, but they have crossed that line multiple times in the past and not separated professional from personal. They have made her job harder and have put her under pressure from above and below, i dont like the way theyve conducted themselves professionally, and on a personal level of course i dont really like anyone that would treat MY girlfriend, the girl i love like that.

 

But i do have to maintain a professional relationship with them. My business is in its early development at right now a big chunk of my income comes from this company & their facilities. Also they've been very good to me, ive taken a lot of time off to go travelling and i'm a reserve in the RAF and they have been really flexible and accommodating with this.

 

I know just to have a professional relationship with people you dont have to be chatty. But the way the ground lies now they have to work with my gf, they have to communicator with her and her them and there relationship is currently what id describe as 'superficially okay', meaning basically she hasnt forgotten what theyve done in the past but she has to spend 9 hours a day with them.

Hence if shes talking to them it would be weird if i didnt! Id say my relationship with them is 'superficially okay' too, i actually think they like me but theres no way i forgive them for the way they treated AJ and the problems they still make for her but I play nice at work, i say hello, i ask them if they had a good weekend, yada yada.

 

Although I have no doubt that they would just LOVE to see me and my gf not work out, so i certainly would take anything out of their mouths with a pinch of salt!

 

Unfortunately thats the downside of a smallish company!

 

I would say avoid them when you can, do the bare minimum, but above all, don't take seriously any trash talking they're doing AND refuse to tell them ANY of your or your girlfriend's personal business. Don't encourage them by entertaining this line of chit chat. It's personal. They should know better.

 

Good luck.

[preraph]

Glad it's done. He may indeed find ways to give her a hard time, but he can't very well write her up or make a complaint on her. What's he going to say, "She told me to stop flirting with her at work?"

[viatori patuit]

After reading all five pages one thing came to mind. She is still really young and she may not realized the issue she was causing. I don't know her or you from Adam but I would suggest that perhaps this was just a learning experience for her. Sometimes people just get caught up in the moment.

[KBob]

After reading all five pages one thing came to mind. She is still really young and she may not realized the issue she was causing. I don't know her or you from Adam but I would suggest that perhaps this was just a learning experience for her. Sometimes people just get caught up in the moment.

 

My thoughts exactly. The point is you stood your ground and she reaffirmed her commitment to you not only through words, but through actions. She risked her career for you, that's a big deal. I would say you had the best possible outcome of the situation.

 

Continue to monitor the situation and make sure she doesn't check out on you, and definitrly don't check out on her. She reaffirmed her commitment to you, so you need to show her that you're willing to move on from this. Things don't need to go back to normal immediately, but you do need to put this behind you and rebuI'll trust, hopefully she's on the same page. And avoid any interaction with that guy. She's on thin ice with her boss over this and any negative actions on your part could jeopardize her career. Businesses don't like this sort of thing in the workplace, it can turn into an HR nightmare for them.

[King Robby]

Soooo I saw the boss today, turns out they can't reassign this guy to a new section till the end of this month because of training, so they're just fitting him in as and where for a few weeks, so guess who gets the pleasure of working with him for 9 days over the next 3 weeks? Oh, yeah! Me! Aint that just perfect!!

 

I'm cool enough with it tbh, It's only 3 weeks at the end of the day and I'd rather he was with me than with her. I don't like the way he tries to charm girls into letting him disrespect them, lets see him try it with this 6' 2 rugby player, ay?

 

 

I would say avoid them when you can, do the bare minimum, but above all, don't take seriously any trash talking they're doing AND refuse to tell them ANY of your or your girlfriend's personal business. Don't encourage them by entertaining this line of chit chat. It's personal. They should know better.

Good luck.

Yeah yeah I hear. That's why I kinda wanted to keep their names out of it, cause I knew that would hurt her, but I just lost my cool for a bit.

To be honest, I think they probably didn't help with the whole thing anyway. When my gf started at the company she very quickly got a succession of promotions other people had waited years for, and then she proceeded to make big changes, which have been successful, but have ruffled feathers. As a result there are some people who have caused trouble for her and, like, they won't sit with her at lunch and that, which totally clears the way for him to go and do just that.

It is better than it was, since we got back from travelling, its been better but shes still under a lot of pressure to prove she can lead a team, so its stressful for her, I get that.

 

After reading all five pages one thing came to mind. She is still really young and she may not realized the issue she was causing. I don't know her or you from Adam but I would suggest that perhaps this was just a learning experience for her. Sometimes people just get caught up in the moment.

Yeah, I get that I do. But I'm really seriously about us and i hope she is too, like, i dont want to be in this for a couple of years, i want to be in this for the long haul!

 

 

My thoughts exactly. The point is you stood your ground and she reaffirmed her commitment to you not only through words, but through actions. She risked her career for you, that's a big deal. I would say you had the best possible outcome of the situation.

 

Continue to monitor the situation and make sure she doesn't check out on you, and definitrly don't check out on her. She reaffirmed her commitment to you, so you need to show her that you're willing to move on from this. Things don't need to go back to normal immediately, but you do need to put this behind you and rebuI'll trust, hopefully she's on the same page. And avoid any interaction with that guy.

Yeah, she did everything i could of asked of her, so your totally great, obviously i still dont feel amazing about the whole situation BUT i am conscious of the fact that i dont want to make her feel like im giving her the cold shoulder or anything, cause thats just going to push her away, right!?

 

She's on thin ice with her boss over this and any negative actions on your part could jeopardize her career. Businesses don't like this sort of thing in the workplace, it can turn into an HR nightmare for them.

Right, which is kinda why i feel like the best thing i can do for her is just work with the guy for 3 weeks and not cause any additional hassle for her regarding her career..

[preraph]

Oh, that's perfect. I mean, tense, maybe, but I bet he's a bit rattled knowing he'll be working right up under you. Hah. This way you can keep an eye on him. A stink eye.

[King Robby]

Oh, that's perfect. I mean, tense, maybe, but I bet he's a bit rattled knowing he'll be working right up under you. Hah. This way you can keep an eye on him. A stink eye.

 

Haha, I mean i'm feeling like it's going to be a bit awkward but, I don't know what they said to him regarding him having to move section but whatever they said, its surely gotta be 10x more awkward for him as it is for me.

 

I'll see how it goes i guess, i'm not normally a very easily aggravated so it'd take a lot to stress me out!

[smackie9]

Well if you have a pretty GF, she will be hit on and flirted with in most any situation. And what girl doesn't like a little attention, especially at her age?

 

I can't count the times staff, and temporary staff that has taken a shine to me over the years....and a few customers. I don't go running to my husband every time because why cause any unnecessary stress over it. I don't encourage it, it just happens. I'm a big girl, I can deal with it........

 

I'm sure from this experience your GF is mature enough to handle such situations without having you involved again.