Trouble please Help

[hOxt]

I have a detailed question: First you guys offer great advise.

 

My question regards my gay male partner...I have a fealing he is cheating on me yet I have no proof other than cercumstantual evidence and what makes this worse is that it all started out by me being nosie!

 

I went on his Gay.com account and someone pvted me and told me how he wanted to hook up again....I was just shocked and ofcourse started to ask dub quesitons...the guy who msged my partner called my partner the next day to ask why he was acting so weric...My partner asked if it was me and I denaied it point blank because i was a wimp.

 

Well i continued to go on his account and speak for him and i do feel that he has cheated on me with some people yet i cant or dont feel like i can confront him with what other people say on gay.com only because i already denyed that i was on there in the first place.

 

I am in a complicated situation and love him and dont want to leave him because of his cheating or supposed cheating...however i am noticing i want an open relationship for my self yet i dont think he will go for it...is this bad?

[NoFear]

Originally posted by hOxt

I have a detailed question: First you guys offer great advise.

 

My question regards my gay male partner...I have a fealing he is cheating on me yet I have no proof other than cercumstantual evidence and what makes this worse is that it all started out by me being nosie!

 

I went on his Gay.com account and someone pvted me and told me how he wanted to hook up again....I was just shocked and ofcourse started to ask dub quesitons...the guy who msged my partner called my partner the next day to ask why he was acting so weric...My partner asked if it was me and I denaied it point blank because i was a wimp.

 

Well i continued to go on his account and speak for him and i do feel that he has cheated on me with some people yet i cant or dont feel like i can confront him with what other people say on gay.com only because i already denyed that i was on there in the first place.

 

I am in a complicated situation and love him and dont want to leave him because of his cheating or supposed cheating...however i am noticing i want an open relationship for my self yet i dont think he will go for it...is this bad?

 

I'm confused. You want an open relationship - does that mean that you want sexual partners outside of your commitment? If that is the case, then your partner should have the same right to outside partners too. The only difference is that you want to be open about it so that it's not cheating and you fear he is already engaged in a sexual relationship outside of your commitment without your knowledge - which would be cheating.

 

Talk to him about having an open relationship and see how he feels about it. If you think that will work, then set boundaries for those outside encounters.

 

Tell your partner that you did correspond with the guy on the gay site and that you are horribly embarassed about it and that you are very sorry that you also lied about it. Tell him you feel you owe it to the relationship to be honest and that you made a horrible mistake by snooping and another mistake by continuing with it, but that you don't want to do that to him because you love him. Talk about your insecurities and face up to whatever happens in the relationship -- maybe you two can work through the hurt and set some new guidelines for your relationship.

 

I'm not gay, but I would think that a relationship is a relationship - straight or gay, and that honesty and respect should be high on your priorities. It may be easier emotionally to share a partner in a gay relationship vs. a heterosexual relationship simply because of the socially accepted dynamic of a gay relationship, but I don't know. I don't think there are many open marriages that last a long time - maybe the percentage is higher for gay couples.

 

Whatever you do, be careful. Homosexual couples do have a higher STD rate than hetero couples and you need to take care of yourself and take precautions.

 

Talk to him, don't let yourself be a wimp. It may be uncomfortable, embarassing, and heartbreaking -- but broken hearts do have a way of mending and who knows? He may respect you more if you respect yourself for not being a wimp and your relationship could get better. Or if you two decide to split up, being honest and open about it may make it easier for each of you to move on.