Every day is a struggle

[Jadedbyluv]

Breakups are never easy for anybody. I have been through my fair share of them like most of the people here. This current breakup has been a lot harder than most of my breakups, and I have been struggling.

 

I struggle because the relationship wasn't a bad one. We didn't fight. We got a long great, and things seemed to be progressing well. He openly talked about all the future things he wanted to do together so I assumed we were on the same page. We never had a "real" convo about exclusivity and what that meant but he did say he wasn't dating anybody else or persuing anybody else. His vagueness about exclusivity did bring up some insecurities. Then shortly thereafter, I saw dating apps on his phone when he was showing me some videos and photos. It was devastating to me that he still actively had these accounts but swore that it was meaningless.

 

Fast forward a few weeks after spending 3 amazing weekends together, I invited him to come out with me and friends to go bowling. He declined saying the situation was too charged. Meaning, meeting my friends was too loaded for him and too serious. It was basically the beginning of the end.

 

He admitted that although I'm great girlfriend material and that he cared about me, he wasn't a relationship type guy. He said he is jaded. He said he doesn't foresee having a full time girlfriend in his future. And he just is not emotionally equipped currently to gauge the needs and feelings of someone else when it comes to relationships. We talked in person and on the phone about a lot of things. I appreciated him being honest with me but wish it had come a lot sooner, before I was so emotionally involved. It is still a bit confusing to me.

 

I could go on and on about the things he said. And the things he did. And try to understand but I never will. For instance, one of his reasons for "downshifting" our relationship was bc he's going on a month long road trip, Part of his identity crisis and trying to find his passion again for his career. He said he wouldn't have the time to continue as we have because he'd be gone for so long. Which is true, yet he's been going on dates in the meantime. Seems a little hypocritical to say you won't have time for me but you have time to go meet new people before going on a 4+ week trip. It hurts.

 

Another reason for my struggle is continuing the contact. I know going no contact is the easiest way but it's hard. I feel like when that happens then whatever we did have is gone for good. And it feels like none of it was ever real. We had something good. I know we did but things just got too serious for him.

 

I am a mess. I struggle getting up for work. I cannot focus at work. I'm barely doing enough to get by. I catch myself crying at work from time to time. I have no motivation when I get home to do anything. I usually lay on the couch and fall asleep. I haven't cleaned or even taken out my trash in probably 2 weeks. The most simple of tasks seem like they are much harder to accomplish. I cannot eat. I have lost probably 10 lbs and everybody keeps asking what I'm doing to lose the weigh. Every little thing reminds me of him especially when going home. I miss seeing him in the spot where he is used to lay next to me in bed. It feels so empty.

 

I have several things to look forward to like running a half marathon next weekend. I am going to Italy in two weeks but I can't even get excited about that. I've tried mediation and journaling but nothing works.

 

My heart is broken. I have been here before but this time I don't know how to repair it. I am not coping well. How do I successfully do NC? What other ways can I cope more healthily?

[Telemachus]

All relationships have a beginning, and almost all have an end. People come into and out of our lives. That's just how life is.

 

Connections that are fully mutual and reciprocal are rare. You like this guy more than he likes you. Conversely, I guarantee that there are men in your orbit (bowling, work, friends of friends) who are more strongly attracted to you than you are to them. That's how connections are - the people whom we most like and want to be with aren't usually the people who most like us and want to be with us.

 

You're struggling. Life is a struggle.

 

The only way to get past the pain and sadness is to get yourself so busy with other things that you don't have time to think about this. It's an open wound for you now. In time, it'll be a scab. Eventually, it'll be a scar. You'll think about this less and less over time.

[supernova32]

I have several things to look forward to like running a half marathon next weekend. I What other ways can I cope more healthily?

 

 

****************

 

 

I feel for you sweetie. I've been there, done that more times than I would like to count. Stay busy and get off that couch. Make plans with your friends, read a book or three, go to websleuths.com and find a cold case to solve (seriously, it's rewarding), run (which you're already doing; good luck with your half mary).

 

 

And probably the best thing to get you really moving again is to get angry. It sound weird I know, but get pissed at him. He jerked you around like a dog on a leash. He dated other women while he was sleeping with you! What an ***hole! He doesn't deserve you! Don't waste another second on this tool. You sound like you have your life together in so many areas, please don't let him bring you down. Go to Italy and have a blast!!

[la74219]

Very similar situation that I'm in except I'm a male. We weren't "official" either, but I guess I thought we were closer to official than she did. The crazy thing is she keeps giving me false hope without really "ending" it because she keeps going back and forth saying she doesn't know why she did what she did. When I ask her to discuss it..she shuts down and says she needs space. So I basically just went NC..on day 3 now. I wish I had some solid advice for you, but I really don't know what to do either. I'm just trying my best to keep busy, and heal in the process. Whether she reaches out or not is out of my control so I'm trying not to hold onto hope. Just know you aren't alone..hang in there!

[Jadedbyluv]

Today, I am actually better and haven't cried...yet. I just don't understand any of it. I keep finding ways to blame myself for all this. That if things were done a bit differently maybe things could still work out.

 

I hate that I miss him. Bc I know he isn't missing me right now. I really want to see him before he goes on his month long road trip and I go to Italy. Just as a last goodbye.

[Jadedbyluv]

Sighh...

 

Last night, I met up with my ex. I did it with the intentions as a sort of goodbye and start limited contact. With me going on vacation and him going on a month long road trip, it felt like it would be a good starting point to limit our contact. We had a great night together. He gave me a small gift which was very unexpected but thoughtful. When we spend time together, it feels like nothing has changed even though I know everything has. We went for a walk to talk and ended up at a local bar and talked some more. He was super flirty at first but restrained himself later in the night because I think he was afraid of things going too far. Things ended on a positive note. We said we would keep in touch and tell each other about our adventures.

 

I know this is still going to be a hard process. I really loved this man. It's the first time I have ever felt these types of feelings. I miss us. I miss him. I miss just the littlest of things. I never told him how much he meant to me. I never told him I loved him. Not that it matters. But I felt it so strongly, I was bursting at the seams to tell him. And it is painful to feel that ad never get to Really express that love. It is probably for the best since it was unrequited. He cares for me and has feelings but he didn't love me.

 

I'm going to take one day at a time and know that it will slowly get better.

[Jadedbyluv]

I have been doing better the last week. Mostly because I have been sick and have done a lot of sleeping. Not much time to sit around and feel sorry for myself.

 

Yesterday, I ran a half marathon despite being sick. Feeling sore and tired today. And it's the first day in awhile where I've felt sad and alone. I should feel proud of my accomplishment. But all I can think of is how I want to tell him about it and how I wish he were there at the end. I want to hear him say congratulations and how he is proud of me like he did when I finished the last one. I remember when I signed up for this a few months back asking if he would come cheer me on. I always thought he would be there.

 

I just miss his encouragement at times. Just wish I could hear his voice...

[Jadedbyluv]

The last few days I have been a bit better. Work has kept me busy, plus I am leaving to travel to Italy tomorrow for a week. This trip will be a great time to self-reflect and focus on myself. It is coming at a great time.

 

I still miss my ex terribly. He crosses my mind first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He is going on his own trip. I wanted to talk to him before he left to wish him luck and safe travels because. It's a cross country, solo road trip. We will probably not talk like we have been which might finally help with me limiting contact. It has been a struggle.

 

He invited me to join his family's basketball pool which I thought was kinda weird. It is nice he thought of me but why wouldn't he invited his friends instead? Maybe I read too much into it but the fact that it's with his family made me feel weird. Is he trying to keep the lines of communication even more open?

 

Despite me missing him and hanging on to the slightest bit of hope that things could work out, I know that things have happened for the best. I do truly love this man and he opened me up to a whole new world. But I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me and who can give me what I want. I need consistency and something solid. I need a relationship that is healthy and meaningful. As much as I know he cares for me and the connection we have, he is just not capable of giving me that right now, or maybe ever. I can't wait around expecting him to change. I realize I need to take care of myself first.

 

I know I will meet someone else but I do wonder if I will meet someone who I will have such a strong connection with. It's the first time I really felt that and I'm 32. I haven't felt anything close to it in all my years of dating. It's crazy but it really felt like something you see on tv. Or maybe I am just crazy to think it was like that.

[Jadedbyluv]

Today has been the first day in awhile where I've really, really missed my ex. A lot of good things have happened in the last few weeks. It has kept me busy and has taken my mind off of things. Went on a trip to italy which was very much needed. It was amazing and relaxing. A lot of time to just enjoy myself and self reflect. When I got back from vacation, I got a promotion at work with a big pay increase. All very exciting and something I have been working towards for awhile. The month of March treated me well, and I should be happier and more excited with everything going on.

 

But starting my new position and all the excitement with my promotion, I've wanted to share everything with my ex. I want to tell him all about my new role and what my boss told me about my future with the company. Honestly, I've tried to talk to my parents because I thought at least they would be excited for me but they barely said congratulations. It made me miss him more because he used to give me advice about my career. I want to be able to share in the excitement with someone. Even with my friends, they kinda flaked on me when we were supposed to go out for celebratory drinks.

 

I've been doing fairly well with limited contact because I've been away and busy getting back into the swing of things. I don't want to screw it up now and reach out then not hear from him. It will make me feel worse.

 

Thought that it would get easier being apart and I wouldn't miss him so much but I feel like I miss him more and more.