My Girlfriend Long distance Forced to Become an Escort

[Graverocker]

Hello, This is embarrassing as I never thought I would end up in a situation like this, but never the less I need help.

 

I'm with this girl who is about a state away from me. I'm currently attending college, and she is having to work through a hard economy. She recently has run into a problem, and can't keep her living situation intact due in part to the fact that she is about to lose her job. She has resorted to becoming an escort.

 

I told her I wasn't mad, because I know how hard her situation is at this moment. She has been nothing but honest wit me about the whole ordeal which is more than I can ask for in this situation. She says it's only until she can get financially ahead, and then she will move on to another job.

 

The problem I have is I don't want to leave her, but I'm afraid she will fall in love with a client, fall in love with the cash, end up killed, etc.......

I love this girl with every piece of my being, and I can't stand the idea of her having to resort to being an escort. I've come up with ways of helping her financial situation so she doesn't have to do this for long, but the worry still lingers. I'm going to visit her in a week, and I don't want things to fall apart between us.

 

I would like help from someone who has been in this situation, or someone who themselves was an escort. I don't know who else to talk to about this.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Graverocker

[d0nnivain]

Are you kidding?

 

 

Don't give her money. Let her go. She makes bad choices.

[SoleMate]

Rather than resort to prostitution, one could:

 

* Find a new/additional job

* Move in with friends or family

* Borrow money

* Get a cash advance on a credit card

* Move into a much cheaper place

* Seek grants or financial aid

* Seek government housing assistance

* Take in 1 or more roommates

* Sell possessions

* Apply to an emergency shelter

* Do a self-benefit Kickstarter

* Beg on the street

 

I'm sure all of these have pros and cons but they're better choices than "escorting" aka prostitution. I'd be interested to know which of the above she's tried and if so, for how long and with what degree of effort.

 

Summary: She's hustling you right now!

[Graverocker]

No it's not what it seems. She never asked me to help. She is in an extreme bind, and there isn't any other way out unless she has a boost. I don't want her to do it, hell she doesn't even want to do it.

[Graverocker]

She's tried all of the above, she can't get a new job because she lack the transportation. Her method of getting around is based on her being picked up by the client. She has been on the streets, been in the shelter, etc..... None of it is getting anywhere. I'm about to be out of college, and as soon as I am I'm moving up there. I've known her for a long time, before we were even together. I knew her when she live down her, and when her life went to **** because of reasons I don't want to go into. She would have never resorted to anything like this unless she absolutely had too.

[JamesM]

Assuming she had no other choice...and that is possible....

 

She probably won't fall in love with a client. fact is she probably has disdain for them. BUT...this will spill over into her sex with you. Sex with you will be different now. Sex is a commodity to be exchanged for money and not just an expression of love. You will wonder what she is thinking when she has sex with you: "Am I as good as her clients?" and more.

 

She certainly may get an STD even if she uses protection. If she doesn't have herpes, then she could get it. Any other STD besides HIV can be cured, but they still can take a toll on her body like making her sterile.

 

Yes, depending on where she is and who she sees, she could get injured, beaten or abused. I doubt that she will get killed.

 

Yes, she could learn to love the easy money. She can see a client and make 100 to 300 for an hour of time. How many jobs can compete with that?

 

My guess is that she either did this for the quick money or loves sex with many different men. A woman who has "no other options"usually does not think of sex as even an option. Not saying it is a fantastic option, but even stripping/dancing is better than having sex with strangers.

 

Was she sexually abused as a child or as a teenager in any way?

Edited March 1, 2017 by JamesM

[Graverocker]

I'm not worried about whether or not I will be good at the sex. Most of her clients are likely to be older men with lots of cash. She has never been the type to take money over another person, and I was planning to move in with her anyway so that isn't something I'm doing just because of this particular situation. I'm thinking she is going to keep a rich regular, and when I get up there me and her are going to help each other get better jobs.

[Graverocker]

I'll have to admit though, me and her both tend to pit morals against reality. I would've probably done the same thing in her situation. I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have if it ment I could by or put food on the table. That doesn't mean I like the idea though. I don't have any issues with sex workers in general, and i'm not a a man to tout his morals around. It still bothers me though.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Graverocker

[JamesM]

I'm not worried about whether or not I will be good at the sex. Most of her clients are likely to be older men with lots of cash. She has never been the type to take money over another person, and I was planning to move in with her anyway so that isn't something I'm doing just because of this particular situation. I'm thinking she is going to keep a rich regular, and when I get up there me and her are going to help each other get better jobs.

 

Trust me on this count. Many older men are much better at sex than younger men. They have learned alot and no longer think of their own satisfaction but aim to make the women happy. This gives them greater satisfaction. And many who visit escorts go for the reason of seeing if they can get younger women excited. I am not trying to make you worry more, but the idea that "old men with limp noodles" are the type of men she sees is sadly wrong.

 

Many escorts even require a man to be over 35.

 

 

She will keep the rich regulars who make her happy and comfortable during sex. She will not keep men simply because they are rich.

 

If sex to her is about pleasure and not about love, then you have competition. If after this journey into prostitution she decides that sex with strangers is not fun and decides sex is about love, then you may be able to have a relationship with her.

 

Many women who go into prostitution have been sexually abused, do it for drugs, or enjoy sex with many different men. Simply doing it as there are no other options to make money is an incredibly rare decision made by women who are stable and from "normal" upbringings.

 

This decision by her says alot about her as a future wife for you.

 

Many women go into strip dancing for the reason that there is no better way...not prostitution.

[Graverocker]

I don't she would like any of them. Before all this happened she was an extremely committed person to whoever she was with. When we talked about it she seemed scared. Sex to her is about love. She worries about pleasing the person she is with if she loves them. She's more understanding than alot of girls when it comes to lack of ability to please. Sex is about love to her. Your not adding any more worry, it actually helps to talk about it. The only reason I don't condemn her is because I would've have done the same thing. I even considered going into porn.

[RecentChange]

Unless she faced physical force, there are always other options besides becoming a prostitute.

 

Really there are.

 

She chooses to be a prostitute.

 

Do you want to date a prostitute?

[JamesM]

I don't she would like any of them. Before all this happened she was an extremely committed person to whoever she was with. When we talked about it she seemed scared. Sex to her is about love. She worries about pleasing the person she is with if she loves them. She's more understanding than alot of girls when it comes to lack of ability to please. Sex is about love to her. Your not adding any more worry, it actually helps to talk about it. The only reason I don't condemn her is because I would've have done the same thing. I even considered going into porn.

 

Then you two should do just fine together now.

 

But I disagree that sex is about love to her...or to you.

 

If she is giving her body to men and having sex with them for money, then sex is no longer about love at all. It is a service than can be exchanged for money just like cutting hair. And if you considered going into porn, you also consider it an act that can be used indiscriminately with anyone.

 

I would say that this whole thread is a moot point based on this quote alone. Let her use her body for money and don't make her quit. My guess is that she will enjoy it to some extent as she finds that sex is pleasurable and even more tantalizing when paid. She will like the quick money. When the two of you start living together and have financial worries, then my guess is that she will want to do some escorting again for quick money just to get you out of a jam.

[Graverocker]

Thank you. I wasn't going to give her money. I was going to see about getting us both a means of transportation, thanks to a friend of mine I've found a cheap car with few problems which is a ****ing miracle. I'm getting it put in my name so I don't think she could **** me over. As I could report it stolen. By the time my semester is out I can move in, and she will be a bit ahead. Most likely she will have a better job, and I can start working to help support us.

[coolheadal]

You sound like a good person just be careful and have her tested too. You do not want to pickup anything. I say this as precaution.. Before you do anything with her. Before you give her any money also. Have you met her by chance?

[RecentChange]

FYI, if the car is in your name, if she gets any parking tickets, red light camera tickets etc - you will be getting the bill. What about car insurance or driver's license?

 

Just about every state requires car insurance, and some will impound your vehicle if you are found driving without it.

 

Just don't want to see you getting stuck in a trap. I have watched it happen before - cheapo cars are cop magnets, and those on the brink unfortunately often end up skrewd by the system.

[Graverocker]

I've learned in life that sometimes you have to take a risk just to get by. My mom taught me that first hand. Yes I've known her for awhile, and had met her. We were together once before this, but because life is a pain in the ****ing ass it didn't work. I remember once she beat the **** out of someone for making snark comments about me, that ment a lot to me being a lanky shy pile of a boy. Once we walked into best buy, I had my wrist spikes on, and it was at a time I had my piercings. I saw the pissed off look in her eyes when all the older, more stuck in their ways people would stare at me. I reassured her I was ok. I'm pretty sure she would have killed someone for me if I desperately in need of it.

[Graverocker]

I'm aware of the risks involved, but if my mother has taught me anything sometimes you have to take a risk to get by. I have met her in real life. we were together once before this, but as life would have it it all went bad. I remember when she beat the **** out of someone for making a snark comment about me. Also the time we walked into bestbuy, and I had my piercings and spikes on. I could see the angry look in her eyes, towards all the people giving awkward stares. I reassured her I was ok with it. This girl when my graduation came about spent about $100 on me to get me a gift. That **** ment a lot to this shy, lanky, wierdo. I still have our pictures from awhile ago.

[VeveCakes]

Dude you are being taken for a ride. This is how these things go... why can't she get social assistance or assistance from her school? Move so she can walk to a job at Walmart?

 

Because she doesn't want to. There are always other options. Don't be so naive.

[Shanex]

Unlike many people here, I'm not opposed to ''prostitution'' much less to independent escorts choosing their clients and who aren't under the tyranny of some pimp and hooked on Crack 24/7.

 

That said, I feel like the girl we're talking about here is playing with you, clearly even.

 

Some solutions offered by another poster seemed fair, except for begging on the streets (a very dangerous path especially for a young girl, even in uptown).

 

Therefore she can gets herself even a low pay job, it will still be better than somehow blackmailing you to become an escort. It's plausible she might fall for a client, happen often enough and some of these clients are way wealthier than you and all the posters here together.

 

I think she is just being a bum. Everyone can work, heck, I have known enough schizophrenic or people in wheelchair or even both working so don't tell me that the last resort is becoming an escort..

 

You are being played. Let her go, there will be better opportunities and girls around you where you live and at your college.

[justwhoiam]

I hardly believe this is a true story. But well, what do I know. Let's treat it as real.

 

Rather than resort to prostitution, one could:

 

* Find a new/additional job

* Move in with friends or family

* Borrow money

* Get a cash advance on a credit card

* Move into a much cheaper place

* Seek grants or financial aid

* Seek government housing assistance

* Take in 1 or more roommates

* Sell possessions

* Apply to an emergency shelter

* Do a self-benefit Kickstarter

* Beg on the street

Might I add going to the local parish, explaining the situation of extreme distress. They might find an old lady needing help or involve the community to get odd jobs (dogsitting, catsitting, babysitting, etc.) and/or find a room at someone's place, so that she'd be relieved from living in the street.

 

She never asked me to help

Well, if she goes down that route, you might have to pay too.

 

She is in an extreme bind, and there isn't any other way out unless she has a boost

Who does't want a boost, let's be real. I'd love to win the lottery... but I need to live on family income. What's this bind. She's addicted to drugs? Alcohol? She wasted the little she had gambling?

 

I don't want her to do it, hell she doesn't even want to do it.

I guess it's more about what she can do than about what she feels like doing, by your descriptions of this girl. She'll need to clean herself up a lot before getting rich clients. Who needs someone living off the streets. They want upper-class young ladies to show off, not lowlife.

 

Assuming she had no other choice...and that is possible....

It's possible when you have no fantasy.

 

Most of her clients are likely to be older men with lots of cash.

Before that you need to put together a decent wardrobe, outfits to even meet and shake hands with these men. If she has no easy access to a bathroom, how is she going to do it? What's her plan?

 

I was planning to move in with her

Remember you already tried to be with her, and it simply didn't work. Don't underestimate that daydreaming she's your ideal girl. You're both likely to get into some trouble sooner than later.

 

when I get up there me and her are going to help each other get better jobs.

What kind of college are you going to? What kind of education are you getting? Something tells me it's not Humanities nor Literature.

Anyway, what you will be able to provide will be ridiculous as a fresh graduate, and she might look down upon you. Sounds like the perfect ambience for a thriller B movie.

 

I would've have done the same thing. I even considered going into porn.

How about working for some hotline? Wouldn't it be better? Besides facing no health risks (other than psychological ones, of course, but you might have those anyway), you'd have the plus of remaining anonymous, which is nice, as you won't have to cross the street any time to avoid bumping into clients down the street.

 

 

I've found a cheap car with few problems which is a ****ing miracle. I'm getting it put in my name so I don't think she could **** me over. As I could report it stolen. By the time my semester is out I can move in, and she will be a bit ahead. Most likely she will have a better job, and I can start working to help support us.

 

FYI, if the car is in your name, if she gets any parking tickets, red light camera tickets etc - you will be getting the bill. What about car insurance or driver's license?

A ticket would be the last of his problems...... Guess if they find her with a client in the car, they check out the car papers and find it's in his name, in no time, police is at his door. Putting one and one together, it'd take them nothing to conclude he's the pimp. Further problems will follow.

[Mumbles]

You're being played. 100% no doubt about it.

 

Not only that, but there is a high percentage probability that she is _already_ escorting or has done so in the immediate past.

 

Consideration of such a lifestyle for a 'civilian' girl is a _massive_ thing. No-one, literally no-one, just wakes up one morning as normal suburban Jane and by the afternoon is hooking.

 

My guess is that this is a girl who's done this before and its her fall back when normal life just isn't panning out.

 

I had a female roommate back in the day. She hooked for a year or so when she was 18, got a boyfriend she really liked (after many that were just meh...) and gave up the game at his insistence just prior to moving in with me.

 

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, no, nothing was ever between us - I met and liked her boyfriend and I had my own stuff going on in any event. I did think it a bit odd that she was looking for a roommate (me!) rather than potentially moving in with boyfriend ... but you know, I didn't question it at the time ... whatever.

 

She had found a minimum wage job as a courier driver with a local company. The work was regular and the money, though minimum wage, was enough for her to always pay the rent, feed herself and live her life.

 

Well.... that lasted maybe 3 months. I came home one night to find a guy in her bed who wasn't the boyfriend. None of my business, I didn't and still don't get involved in peoples lives who are not part of my close circle ... people are people, we're all adults here ... do your thing.

 

But, later on she felt compelled to come clean. The guy was a client.

 

What was the problem? Well, as she explained it herself, her courier job was boring and the boss, the bastard, actually wanted her to work at least 8 hours a day, sometimes more (and overtime was a paid thing). But who can actually do that? Right? Right? Work 8 hours a day? For a few hundred bucks? Hooking she was able to make a days pay in an hour or maybe two. 3-4 customers a day and she was making in a day what she'd otherwise make in a week ... and it was all hers, no pesky federal or state taxes to worry about.

 

All the above is fine, anyone who's followed my posts knows full and well that I am very pro prostitution so long as its the womans choice.

 

However, I'm pretty put off when the girls, and thankfully its not usually a high percentage of them, but when they present in such a way ... "I'm only doing this because I have no choice" ... they say, with the implication, never asked directly, that boyfriend should be an upright "white knight" and save her from herself.

 

A lot more to say, but let me close now by saying that I know, directly and closely, two working girls where I live who are married to rich middle aged guys. The guys pay them a stipend every month that is significant ... into 5 figures (yes, really!). Yet ... they still work as escorts. The husband or boyfriends money becomes a stable 'base' income, leaving the girl free during the day to pursue other additional income as she sees fit.

 

Be careful.

[JamesM]

You're being played. 100% no doubt about it.

 

Not only that, but there is a high percentage probability that she is _already_ escorting or has done so in the immediate past.

 

Consideration of such a lifestyle for a 'civilian' girl is a _massive_ thing. No-one, literally no-one, just wakes up one morning as normal suburban Jane and by the afternoon is hooking.

 

My guess is that this is a girl who's done this before and its her fall back when normal life just isn't panning out.

 

 

 

Be careful.

 

This. More to the point than I did.

 

Even if it is her first time, I doubt it will be her last.

[preraph]

Most prostitutes end up on drugs and under the control of a pimp. They are not allowed to just go take over some corner without a pimp coming and telling them his girls run that corner.

 

How many times have you been face to face with her? I want to know this isn't just an internet scam she's pulling, so how many times have you been with her?

 

Because every prostitute and stripper has the official "sad story" to make people feel so sorry for them they 1) won't judge them and 2) will give them money.

 

Call around for her and see if she can get in a homeless shelter, a work rehab program, anywhere. I'd rather you paid money to someone over the internet, like the YMCA or a rented room and paid the landlord than give her ANY cash. Do not give her cash. This could all be BS, no matter what you think. This may be a long con. But if you can pay directly a place to get her off the streets, then do it. If she gives you any argument, don't do a thing.

[ExpatInItaly]

As a couple of others suggested, she's probably escorting already or has done so in the past. It's a pretty big leap to go from a regular job to prostitution.

 

Any idea how she came up with this plan, OP? Does she have friends who do this, or?

 

She needs to be extremely careful if she goes ahead with this. The associated risks are very high. Even dancing in a strip joint would be a safer option.

 

I think you're both being very naive about this, honestly.

[salparadise]

As a couple of others suggested, she's probably escorting already or has done so in the past. It's a pretty big leap to go from a regular job to prostitution.

 

I think you're both being very naive about this, honestly.

 

Yes, why is prostitution automatically the default? There are huge numbers of women out there that would never consider this no matter how desperate they were to make a buck. Throughout time there have always been social-cultural-moral-ethical barriers to women entering prostitution... and similarly for men in choosing to invest emotionally with a prostitute.

 

It would seem that the two of you are off the rails in terms of making good choices for your lives. Something is missing. If this were an acceptable default for fixing a financial crisis, buying a car or whatever... ninety percent of all women would do it for at least a little while. Then default is education. You can get financial assistance for that. They will even help you to fill out the forms.

 

I suggest that you not go along with the cross-wired solution. I doubt that you can rewire this individual, but you can make choices that are good for you.