She left me for another man

[blacklights]

This long distance relationship lasted for just shy of a year, and we hadn't met up because we live many states away and were both financially dependent on our parents still (I'm 18 and she's 17). What she didn’t know is that I had plans to travel to her very soon! It was going to be a surprise on our one year anniversary (February 20th), but the relationship ended before that. About a week before it ended I noticed she suddenly started hanging out with people of the opposite sex. I got jealous and was pretty open about my jealousy, which likely pushed her away. On January 29th, she seemed more depressed than ever and for the first time in over 340 days of being together, she seemed distant from me and didn’t want to discuss her feelings.

 

The next morning she made it clear that she needed a break, but also said this wasn’t a breakup. She said the long distance was tough for her but I shouldn’t lose hope and that it could work in the future. I said that I wanted her to do what she needed to be happy and remained friends because I didn’t get the impression it was a real breakup. We remained friends for a few days, until I asked her a question -- “If I came out for prom, would you go with me?”. Her reply was “I’m probably not going to go to prom anyway.” This answer really bothered me so I ended up telling her I needed to go on no contact for a while.

 

A few days later is when I made the biggest mistake of this entire story. While thinking about her, I realized I still had all her passwords. My brain went in circles until I decided I had to see if something shady was happening behind the scenes. I ended up looking through her messages, and found out that she just started dating someone new, just a few days after the breakup! My mind went crazy. How could she call me the love of her life and how could we plan out our entire lives and then get a boyfriend so suddenly? Because this was the first time I ever heard his name, my brain kept repeating the same thing over and over, “She cheated, she cheated, she cheated.” I did a terrible thing in a moment of insanity, I changed her passwords to her social media accounts and messaged her new boyfriend letting him know that she cheated on me and shouldn’t be trusted. After an hour I felt incredibly guilty, and gave her the accounts back. I gave them back and she was oddly not angry and said “I deserved it, this is my fault.” Although in retaliation she asked this guy out to prom even though they’d only been together for a few days. Because I felt so bad about what I did, I broke no contact for about a day. This contact period ended with me revealing to her that I had been planning during the last month of our relationship to meet up with her and it was going to be a surprise. I asked her if all of this changed her mind about the situation, but unfortunately she said that she’s happy where she’s at. I told her I had to actually cut contact this time so I could repair myself. She just replied “ok makes sense.”

 

After around 10 days of no contact, I took a picture with another girl that I posted on twitter, and that’s when interesting things started to happen. My ex suddenly follows my social medias again. What’s even more interesting happened with my private twitter account. Randomly, a private account I had never seen sent me a follow request. I wondered if it was her and became so curious that I tried to log into that account with her usual password. It worked! I had never known about this account and she created it a month before she broke up with me. I read that she made posts reacting to the picture I posted, the posts seemed pretty jealous. Also, the part I wish I never read, her and her boyfriend are planning on having sex for the first time this Friday. This really struck a nerve with me because we were both virgins and it was going to be a truly special moment together. It was something that I only wanted with her and no one else. Since I read all this (a few days ago) I haven’t been able to function with the idea of her being intimate with a new man. Knowing the exact day (and I could probably guess the time based off of her schedule) this ticking clock is killing me. I think her advancing with this man so quickly is largely due to her anger at me. I think she’s pretty angry that I was able to move on so fast, even though she moved on a lot quicker. I just love her so much despite all that has happened. Have I ruined everything?

 

EDIT: I just learned that they did have sex and I'm heartbroken. I don't know how to deal with this pain.

Edited March 1, 2017 by blacklights

[justwhoiam]

Hi blacklights,

 

Welcome to LS. I'm sorry you're having a very hard time right now.

 

I think you need to stop obsessing and find some balance. Stop looking into her accounts. Stop caring. She is only 17 and being with you for the rest of her life was just a fantasy. She fell for somebody local.

 

I guess you're left with some money that was budgeted to visit her. Use it to take a trip with a friend. Do something fun. You deserve some relax, peace and entertainment.

[madjac74]

dependent on our parents still (I'm 18 and she's 17).

 

sorry I stopped reading here. Why are you heartbroken for something you never met? It could have been a dude. But then again I stopped reading

[Chris516]

OP, I went through an experience slightly like yours.

 

Towards the end of the relationship, I found my (ex)fiance cheating on me by communicating with a blind friend of mine. My (ex)fiance didn't tell my friend about me. Once I found out about them communicating, I contacted him. Not out of anger. But out of concern that my (ex)fiance was going to wreck him financially.

 

He told her not to move out there. He also told her that it was me who warned him. She immediately told me to stay out of her life.