old guy Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I'm 45, physically fit, but look ever bit my age. I enjoy women my own age, but I'd like to see how things workout with a younger woman. How many younger women would consider dating the silver haired old guy? How young are we talking? Under 30, I think we might be talking about a mentor thing. (I could live with that) So Ladies and gents, how do I meet and date younger without looking like a fool or scaring the hell out of an uninterested young lady? Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Searching Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Personally, I wouldn't date an older man but that's just me.. Unless of course you were loaded!! lol. I'm just kidding!! I would have you as a friend though considering we had something in common. I was very good friends with a man that was 62 and I was 25. He taught me a lot about life in general but unfortunately he passed away a couple years ago from lung cancer and I miss him dearly. He was someone that would take me to the opera, ballet, orchestra, you get the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by old guy I'm 45, physically fit, but look ever bit my age. I got a good chuckle out of this...I applaud your honesty...I hear most people say "Oh, I'm in my 40's but look early 30's." Anyways, plenty of women like men who are a older and more refined. I suggest taking baby steps. Start by being friendly to the gals who serve you coffee, and the grocery store cashiers, etc. Never act or dress younger than your age, it looks stupid. Just be yourself Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I'm 42.. I use the 10 year rule 30 or 31 is too young for me and 53 is too old for me Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Ok, daddy, you're too old for me. I think the only older man I find attractive is William Peterson, the actor from "CSI". He's cute and I like his character in the TV series. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 it is personal preference....some younger girl like older men, and some do not. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 As long as he's not old enough to be my father and I'm not old enough to be his mother, that's my rule (approx 16 yrs max). My friend is 43, his gf is 26 and his exwife is 52. Her new bf is 62. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 The decade rule is a good one! Plus or Minus 10. Beyond that there will be very little in common. At your age, someone who is in their 20's thinks of Rick Springfield, and Abba as oldies! A friend informed me of this when he was 34 and dating a 52 yr old woman. The sex was amazing, and one time he looked at her and it dawned on him that she was two years younger than his mother! Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 i am 24, and i would date you. well, hypothetically speaking, of course. i don't know you, so i will say i would date a man your age. the oldest i have dated was 40. Link to post Share on other sites
old guy Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Thats nice softdrink, very open minded. To me, people with similar interests (arts, books, boating, horses, whatever) can have fun together even with age differences. Probably more fun than a contemporary with no matching interests. What attracted you to the 40 yr old? What didn't you like about the age gap? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by old guy I enjoy women my own age, but I'd like to see how things workout with a younger woman. How many younger women would consider dating the silver haired old guy? How young are we talking? Under 30, I think we might be talking about a mentor thing. (I could live with that) A 'mentor thing' is not conducive to a healthy relationship. It's fine for friends, but not for romance. If you don't see the other person as an equal, but someone to mentor, then there's never going to be a balance. The person is going to get frustrated with you and possibly rebel against you as though you were her father and you'll get frustrated with her if she doesn't live up to your mentoring as well as you'd like. Not to mention that you don't want to feel like you're taking care of her and shouldering her responsibilities as though her were her dad. A relationship has to be about both people learning from each other, not one viewing himself as the teacher and his partner as his young student. If you want a younger woman, I suggest you find one you don't think needs your mentoring or tutoring. Find one you can respect in her own right. Of course, if you're looking for a younger woman just so you can have a relationship which gives you power over her because you're older and wiser, you may want to examine your motivations for doing so. So Ladies and gents, how do I meet and date younger without looking like a fool or scaring the hell out of an uninterested young lady? If you're looking for a real relationship, whatever you do, don't pretend to be someone you're not just to fit in with a younger crowd. It might be fun in the beginning, but if you're not being yourself, it'll turn out really badly. And don't go to clubs. I'm sure you'll meet plenty of young ladies there, but a 40 year old guy in a club usually sticks out like a sore thumb and gets a lot of giggles directed his way. When you're out and see a young lady you're interested in, talk to her just like any other woman. Don't be pushy or come on strong. If she seems receptive to you, ask for her number or if she'd like to go out for a drink. If she agrees, gauge her interest futher and find a way to work dating and age differences into the conversation. Just remember a lot of younger woman aren't going to be interested in older men, and there's really nothing you can do to change their mind. You just have to talk to them and find out, but don't take it personally if they're not. And don't try to convince them otherwise or you'll look desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Some dysfunctional relationships work just fine. A woman looking for a daddy figure could be very happy with a man who wants to be 'mentor' to a young woman. Sounds boring to me but whatever floats ya boat... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Some dysfunctional relationships work just fine. Read that again, and if you don't see anything wrong with it, look up the meaning of disfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by old guy Thats nice softdrink, very open minded. To me, people with similar interests (arts, books, boating, horses, whatever) can have fun together even with age differences. Probably more fun than a contemporary with no matching interests. What attracted you to the 40 yr old? What didn't you like about the age gap? i was attracted to him the same way i would have been attracted to anyone else. i liked how he looked, how he acted, how he treated me. it wasn't a father figure thing--i have my father in my life, always have, and we have a great relationship. i was especially attracted, however, to his lack of immaturity and bullshyt that is common in my own age group. it was refreshing to be with someone who could carry on a conversation and actually know what he was talking about. it was nice to be treated with respect and i felt he paid the right amount of attention to me without being either distant or clingy. guys my age (and i've dated many) all seemed to have the need to be taken care of. it's tiring. there wasn't anything i didn't like about him, at least with regard to the age gap. he died suddenly of a heart attack 1 year and a half after we got together. i guess that's the one thing that would keep me from doing it again...that uncertainty of when he's going to die, knowing it might be sooner than if i was with someone my own age...but i also remind myself that anyone can go at anytime. i knew a 15 year old that had a heart attack, and i've had many friends die in car accidents and other assorted mishaps. you just have to go with how you feel. it only works if you work it. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Read that again, and if you don't see anything wrong with it, look up the meaning of disfunction. i think in this case, the situation put forth wouldn't be "dysfunctional." it may appear to be dysfunctional to those not involved who don't understand the relationship. but obviously, if people are happy and it works for them, it's personally functional. Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 One thing that stands out to me about all this. If you have ever been in the position to care for an elderly person, most likely a parent of yours. You will know what a challange it is. The problem with relationships with a large age difference is age itself. One is going to get old way before the other. Sort of like a parent and child. Which , of course, is how it should be. Our parents always hope we will outlive them. I have been there and it is a challange. I am not particularly anxious to put a woman through this. You just don`t know some times until you have actually been through something. If you are looking for a fling (and you probably are) well, I guess life is that way and you get what you can out of people. but if you are looking at a lifetime partner......it`s tough. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by SoftDrink i think in this case, the situation put forth wouldn't be "dysfunctional." it may appear to be dysfunctional to those not involved who don't understand the relationship. but obviously, if people are happy and it works for them, it's personally functional. A mentor/mentee relationship is dysfunctional no matter how the people involved feel about it, because it's not a real relationship. As a relationship, it does not work. There is a disfunction. I'm not talking about all relationships with an age difference, because people can be on equal levels and be different ages. I'm talking about when one looks up to the other for guidance. That gives one person more power over the other, and while both might enjoy it for a time, it's not healthy for either person and the chances of one or more of them becoming frustrated with the arrangement are much greater. Another example of this is an abusive relationship. It might feel good for both partners involved. The person being abused can get the familiar feelings of abuse just like when she was a child, therefore she feels loved and 'happy'. And the abuser gets his need for power and domination met. It 'works' for them personally, but it's clearly dysfunctional, because it's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
old guy Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I tend to think of life as a journey of experiences/ phases. I would hope that a substantially younger woman would fondly recall her time with me. But not stay with me to the bitter end. She would move on to life's next phase. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I always preferred older guys as they are just more mature and knww what they're doing than the young ones. I got involved with an older man when I was younger and it was great. (for a while...) The sex was mind blowing and I fell for him deeply. Problem was the age thing and I was ready to stay with him forever, he wasn't. He didn't want committment and love - Just a casual thing. Tried doing that for a while but it didn't work with me. Things changed, I got strong enough and broke it off. Don't regret being with him, even though I got hurt alot, but I know I'll remember him and our times together... (Don't think of it much, unless a post like this reminds me of my past) It just lasted longer than it should have and sex took over near the end! (Typical wind down and break up sex... ) If you're comfortable with younger women, go for it. Don't worry what anybody else thinks or says. As long as you're happy and upfront about everything with her, (younger ones can get VERY emotionally attached and can't control themselves, you know what I mean...) all will be cool! Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl A mentor/mentee relationship is dysfunctional no matter how the people involved feel about it, because it's not a real relationship. As a relationship, it does not work. There is a disfunction. maybe not for you, but you can't speak for other people. for some people that it does work for, they may not even view it as a mentor/mentee relationship. they may see it as a relationship that works. that is not dysfunction. a lot of people looking for a partner are searching for something they need met, maybe not a mentor, but something else they lack...that's not dysfunctional, it's only natural. if two people find in each other what they are looking for and it works, it's no one else's business why they are together (provided it's not illegal, of course.) i'm in a normal relationship, and i look to him for guidance...why shouldn't i? he's the one i trust, and he's my best friend. of course i will look to him for that. and he looks to me for things he needs. it works both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by SoftDrink maybe not for you, but you can't speak for other people. Again, I refer you to the example of abusive relationships. It might 'work' for some people, but it's dysfunctional, I feel completely justified in stating that both abusive relationships and those where one person is the mentor and clearly established to be in a position of power over the other is dysfunctional. Point blank, no exceptions, no 'people are different', no 'it works for some' in these instances. for some people that it does work for, they may not even view it as a mentor/mentee relationship. they may see it as a relationship that works. that is not dysfunction. Just because you don't see something for what it is doesn't mean it's not. Many women in abusive relationships, especially emotionally abusive ones, don't see it that way either. a lot of people looking for a partner are searching for something they need met, maybe not a mentor, but something else they lack...that's not dysfunctional, it's only natural. if two people find in each other what they are looking for and it works, it's no one else's business why they are together (provided it's not illegal, of course.) That's not the type of relationship I'm talking about. The original poster specifically stated he might be talking about a 'mentor thing'. That's what I'm talking about, not the age difference in itself. i'm in a normal relationship, and i look to him for guidance...why shouldn't i? he's the one i trust, and he's my best friend. of course i will look to him for that. and he looks to me for things he needs. it works both ways. Then it's not a mentor/mentee relationship, assuming that some of the things he needs are guidance and advice as well and not just sex/cleaning/cooking/an eog boost from an ever-willing sponge soaking up his every word/etc. A mentor relationship would be where one person looks to the other for guidance and assumes that what the other person is doing must be right because they're older and wiser. They're the mentor. Many young women who are not mature enough may get into this kind of relationship. It puts the mentee in a position where they might not question their partner's inappropriate actions because he/she 'knows more'. And it puts the mentor in the in a position to abuse his/her power over their partner or resent them for being needy/spinless/helpless/childish/etc. This is why I would suggest that a person looking to date younger women seek out those who have a high maturity level and who are not looking for 'instruction' on dating, those who they can respect in their own right and not look at them like a child who needs their teaching. And anyone who does want that kind of power over their mate, should do some self-examination, because that's not healthy. I don't know if that's the kind of relationship you have or had, SoftDrink. If so, I do think it's dysfunctional. It's nothing personal, but I don't think any relationship can be healthy where one person is established as the superior. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 it may appear to be dysfunctional to those not involved who don't understand the relationship. but obviously, if people are happy and it works for them, it's personally functional. I completely agree. Again, I refer you to the example of abusive relationships. It might 'work' for some people, but it's dysfunctional, I feel completely justified in stating that both abusive relationships and those where one person is the mentor and clearly established to be in a position of power over the other is dysfunctional. Point blank, no exceptions, no 'people are different', no 'it works for some' in these instances. Life is not that cut-and-dried. Some people prefer not to fend for themselves. You can try to force them to do so until you're blue in the face but they will want to lean on others. Other people are natural nurturers and if one of each manages to meet up, they'll be quite happy and that's nobody's business. It's inaccurate to compare this sort of relationship to an abusive relationship because in this case nobody is harmed. You may happen to think that independence is the best way to live, but you don't have to look too hard to find women who still expect to be 'taken care of' even in this day and age so if one of those meets a caretaker-type guy, fine. Link to post Share on other sites
old guy Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by SoftDrink there wasn't anything i didn't like about him, at least with regard to the age gap. he died suddenly of a heart attack 1 year and a half after we got together. i guess that's the one thing that would keep me from doing it again...that uncertainty of when he's going to die, knowing it might be sooner than if i was with someone my own age...but i also remind myself that anyone can go at anytime. i knew a 15 year old that had a heart attack, and i've had many friends die in car accidents and other assorted mishaps. Sorry for your loss. In terms of passing away he was very young. It starts around age 39 a couple of one's peers pass...it's a fluke. A few will go in their 40's...again rare. After age 60, a passing no longer startles people, but it's still a shame not to reach retirement Thats all IMHO. Don't be afraid of losing a forty something friend, he's likely to be around a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
old guy Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup I always preferred older guys as they are just more mature and knww what they're doing than the young ones. I got involved with an older man when I was younger and it was great. (for a while...) The sex was mind blowing and I fell for him deeply. Problem was the age thing and I was ready to stay with him forever, he wasn't. He didn't want committment and love - Just a casual thing. Tried doing that for a while but it didn't work with me. Things changed, I got strong enough and broke it off. Don't regret being with him, even though I got hurt alot, but I know I'll remember him and our times together... (Don't think of it much, unless a post like this reminds me of my past) It just lasted longer than it should have and sex took over near the end! (Typical wind down and break up sex... ) If you're comfortable with younger women, go for it. Don't worry what anybody else thinks or says. As long as you're happy and upfront about everything with her, (younger ones can get VERY emotionally attached and can't control themselves, you know what I mean...) all will be cool! Have fun. Thank You, that's inspiring and very good advice on the emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl I don't know if that's the kind of relationship you have or had, SoftDrink. If so, I do think it's dysfunctional. It's nothing personal, but I don't think any relationship can be healthy where one person is established as the superior. i never said anything about either of us being superior of the other in my relationship now or the past one with an older man . if you're going to judge a relationship, it's helps to know a little more about the situation and the people involved...or read they type. i know you keep pushing the "abusive realtionship" analogy, and it's just not a good one. abusive realtionships do NOT work. they are dysfunctional and someone is getting hurt. if two people find each other and get they want and need out of each other without someone getting hurt, it can work. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts