Getting through the limbo phase

[Snow7]

It has been 11 days since I told my husband I would be moving out and asked for a separation. But do to some circumstances, I cannot actually move out for another month. It's been torture. I actually thought I would feel better now that this is decided but I feel worse. I keep experiencing cycles of grief over and over again.

 

Although I am the one initiating the separation, he is the one who has been emotionally checked out for over a decade and sought companionship elsewhere.

 

I know staying under one roof for this month is the best for our child and we have been civil, but we have not told anyone other than my sister so it's hard to pretend every day that life is just fine. I also can't talk about it to anyone.

 

I went to counseling once last week but didn't find it helpful. It's the same person we were using for MC so maybe I should try someone new for IC.

 

Please tell me it will get better and I will find peace on the other side.

[testmeasure]

Are you getting legally separated or divorced? Or are you just moving out?

 

How you divide up time with the kid is important because it establishes precedent. If you do eventually get legally separated or divorced, the courts will give weight to what your child is accustomed to. The longer you've been doing things a certain way, the greater the burden of proof that any change is actually in the child's best interest.

 

A common piece of advice is not to move out of the marital home. However, normally I hear that advice being given to men so that they keep up their interaction and role with the children.

 

I know it's not the question you asked. From what I read it's often normal for both parents to live together through some portion of a divorce so that they can both still be in the kids lives even though it's not easy. Then through the divorce process a parenting plan and schedule for sharing the kids gets set up. The general advice is to only move out after that stuff is established. So, maybe you can use the month to establish some kind of routine with your child and start to develop more of a co-parenting relationship with your husband.

 

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[Mr. Lucky]

Please tell me it will get better and I will find peace on the other side.

 

I think you simply look at it as a sacrifice you're making for your child. If you need any motivation in a tough moment, play a game, read a book or watch a movie together.

 

Many of the things we do as parents are investments in their future. Making this a smooth transition is just another part of that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amurb]

It has been 11 days since I told my husband I would be moving out and asked for a separation. But do to some circumstances, I cannot actually move out for another month. It's been torture. I actually thought I would feel better now that this is decided but I feel worse. I keep experiencing cycles of grief over and over again.

 

Although I am the one initiating the separation, he is the one who has been emotionally checked out for over a decade and sought companionship elsewhere.

 

I know staying under one roof for this month is the best for our child and we have been civil, but we have not told anyone other than my sister so it's hard to pretend every day that life is just fine. I also can't talk about it to anyone.

 

I went to counseling once last week but didn't find it helpful. It's the same person we were using for MC so maybe I should try someone new for IC.

 

Please tell me it will get better and I will find peace on the other side.

 

 

 

I am sorry your dealing with this. I have been divorced twice and I have been the one initiating it and the one who was left so I know both sides. It's not easy but eventually with time it will heal. Just make sure to take care of your child. I have two kids products of divorce and they are now in counseling. Good luck to you.