Feeling stuck and don't want to deal with wife

[MR.Mayhem]

I don't regret many things but two things I do are getting married and buying a house. I have been with her and my 2 step kids 10yrs and married for 2 yrs. Our issues were mostly about communication. Since when something goes wrong I seem to be blamed for it. "You just run away when something goes wrong." I've been told I'm a pussy. I'm a dick. I'm not a man bla bla bla. Then I give it right back and say messed up stuff. So we go back and forth. The bad stuff started happening since we bought this house which I didn't want from beginning and ruined a good relationship I had with an important person. I explained to her that it wasn't right time to buy a house since it would be hard for me to split everything. She decides to take all her savings and put the down payment. Fast forward with my credit and her money, we bought a house. Well we agreed I give her x amount a month til I progress in pay at my job since she makes more than I do. Lately we are fighting over money and we keep our distance from each other. We haven't had sex in probably 2 months then last week we decide to and that turned into an argument due to her making a comment and me responding. We weren't even a minute into it and we decided to stop. I get a long text saying that I'm a ****ty person and I want to schedule sex. That life is to short to be miserable etc. Funny thing is she is the one who makes me miserable. This marriage has no excitement. Valentines day I got her flowers not because I wanted to but because it was valentines day. I get a thank you and then later on I get a comment that I need to start giving her more money for the bills. That I should of not gotten her anything because technically she was the one paying for it. WOW Believe me I know I hate not being able to provide the way I want to. I've been sleeping in a basement of my house on a futon for past few months. Its not bad, its quite and I have everything except a kitchen. I spend most of my time if I'm not working in basement. Now I've been too therapy twice because I was told I'm the one with problem, which I agree I have my problems but so does she. I get home from work maybe maybe not there is dinner made for me. I have to do my laundry which is fine I try not to have her do much of my stuff. All this stuff thru out the last year has affected my mind and body. Last yr I lost almost 100lbs and damn near gained it back now. I'm unhappy and not motivated. I feel I've tried everything I could but she hasn't tried in my opinion. We are not intimate mentally or physically or even desire to be. In the past I've offered a divorce or even therapy for her. She said no to divorce and that all I want to do is run away. UMMM yea you make me miserable. She said yes to therapy but guess what never followed thru. Last week she said she wants to have another baby. I laughed and commented all we do is argue. No thanks. I do want a child but honesty not with her. I cant afford to go out because I dump everything into this house and don't have a pot to piss in but she can go out 2 or 3 times a week with friends. I'm mentally and physically drained and not sure what else to do.

[oldshirt]

You don't have a communication problem, you communicate just fine.

 

It's that you don't have warmth and respect for each and you say mean and hurtful things to each other.

 

Additionally, you have allowed yourself to be pushed around and have done things that you knew you shouldn't.

 

And finally, you cannot complain about someone's lack of attraction and desire for you when you are 100lbs overweight.

 

You simply need to take charge of your life and start doing the right things for your health and well being.

[BaileyB]

That sounds like a pretty miserable existence. You REALLY need to ask yourself if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, because based on what you've described, it doesn't sound like it would be a happy life together.

 

I would say that you've made some very poor decisions that have put you in a difficult and unhappy place. Time to think about what will bring you more happiness and go about making some different decisions...

 

It's all on you. You made these decisions. You now have to correct them.

 

Definitely, do not have have another baby with this woman! Do not bring another child into this world when you are in a bad marriage. It's not fair to the child.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't regret many things but two things I do are getting married and buying a house. I have been with her and my 2 step kids 10yrs and married for 2 yrs.

 

Our issues were mostly about communication. Since when something goes wrong I seem to be blamed for it. "You just run away when something goes wrong." I've been told I'm a pussy. I'm a dick. I'm not a man bla bla bla. Then I give it right back and say messed up stuff. So we go back and forth. The bad stuff started happening since we bought this house which I didn't want from beginning and ruined a good relationship I had with an important person. I explained to her that it wasn't right time to buy a house since it would be hard for me to split everything. She decides to take all her savings and put the down payment. Fast forward with my credit and her money, we bought a house.

 

Well we agreed I give her x amount a month til I progress in pay at my job since she makes more than I do. Lately we are fighting over money and we keep our distance from each other. We haven't had sex in probably 2 months then last week we decide to and that turned into an argument due to her making a comment and me responding. We weren't even a minute into it and we decided to stop. I get a long text saying that I'm a ****ty person and I want to schedule sex. That life is to short to be miserable etc. Funny thing is she is the one who makes me miserable.

 

This marriage has no excitement. Valentines day I got her flowers not because I wanted to but because it was valentines day. I get a thank you and then later on I get a comment that I need to start giving her more money for the bills. That I should of not gotten her anything because technically she was the one paying for it. WOW Believe me I know I hate not being able to provide the way I want to. I've been sleeping in a basement of my house on a futon for past few months. Its not bad, its quite and I have everything except a kitchen. I spend most of my time if I'm not working in basement.

 

Now I've been too therapy twice because I was told I'm the one with problem, which I agree I have my problems but so does she. I get home from work maybe maybe not there is dinner made for me. I have to do my laundry which is fine I try not to have her do much of my stuff. All this stuff thru out the last year has affected my mind and body. Last yr I lost almost 100lbs and damn near gained it back now.

 

I'm unhappy and not motivated. I feel I've tried everything I could but she hasn't tried in my opinion. We are not intimate mentally or physically or even desire to be. In the past I've offered a divorce or even therapy for her. She said no to divorce and that all I want to do is run away. UMMM yea you make me miserable. She said yes to therapy but guess what never followed thru. Last week she said she wants to have another baby. I laughed and commented all we do is argue. No thanks. I do want a child but honesty not with her. I cant afford to go out because I dump everything into this house and don't have a pot to piss in but she can go out 2 or 3 times a week with friends. I'm mentally and physically drained and not sure what else to do.

 

Paragraphs are your friend, they make your post legible and will get more and better responses.

 

I second what oldshirt has said. Waiting for someone else to provide you happiness, motivation and "answers" only blocks you from moving ahead yourself. Make a commitment to model the behavior, consideration and affection you're hoping to get and I'd guess you'd see better results. Nobody wins in a Cold War...

 

Mr. Lucky

[RecentChange]

My advice?

 

Make damn sure you don't get her pregnant.

 

Sleeping in the basement? It's obvious that you two can't work together to resolve issues, and treat each other with a lack of respect.

 

I didn't see anything positive about her, or this relationship in this post.

 

What would be more expensive, a divorce or a life of misery and poor health?