Dumped My Girlfriend, Now Struggling With My Decision!

[soulforge]

Whilst i don't condone game-playing, with all due respect, why did she not meet your family, or some members of it after two years in RS with her (if it is indeed true)?

 

I'd be a bit miffed if somebody i was in RS with did not introduce me to the other side of their life, esp after two years!

 

Maybe she didn't feel that she really knew you, and this is still troubling her?

 

 

 

I will explain... both my parents have passed away... my uncle raised me up.. i come from a mixed Indian background..

 

I have no other uncles and aunties.. or grandparents..

 

I have two sisters... one sister does not speak to me, as we fell out years ago, but only a few weeks ago we started talking again.

 

 

My second sister i am close to... AND THAT IS ALL THE FAMILY I HAVE NOW

 

 

i was really excited to take my ex to meet my sister... but here is why it didn't happen.

 

 

The first 3 months of my relationship with my ex.. i did not know where i stood with her...

 

We where seeing each other once a week.. even going to meals, holding hands etc..

 

But she never pushed for a exclusive relationship...she would sometimes talk about moving away and buying a property in another town etc..

 

So it sounded like she had no plans to be with me..

 

 

I once raised the issue of me and her.. and asked if she is expecting there to be a relationship between us both..

 

 

This was done on WhatsApp... her answer was

 

 

I'M JUST KILLING SOME TIME WITH YOU

 

 

As you can imagine i was taken backby this, as at this point i really liked her, and now did not know what to do..

 

She then claimed she was JOKING and just wanted to see how things go.. nice jokes huh

 

 

Anywayi did tell my sister about her, but something in my gut did not feel right about her level of commitment to me..

 

Then within 3 months of the relationship i had to dump her, due to the utter disrespect she sbowed me while on a short holiday.

 

 

My sister helped to me make sense of the situation.. and she warned me to stay away from this woman.

 

My sister then began to dislike her, due to the incidents and the ups and downs that kept happening..

 

I am close to my sister, and we talk about problems in our lives..

 

So for the first year of the relationship.. i really did not know where we where heading as a couple.. it is only after one year we started saying i love you to each other..

 

The relationship was good for around another 8 months, we talked about living together... again i bought up the point of living together?

 

So much as i wanted her to meet my family.. it became awkward..

 

My sister and my uncle are the only people i have...

 

Plus the relationship being rocky, unstable didn't help.. my sister not liking her didn't help..

 

If i had taken her to meet my uncle, who is a traditional guy... he would have expected us to get married lol

 

She made it clear, marriage is out of the question for her.

Edited April 1, 2017 by soulforge

[soulforge]

Is it wrong of me to keep her blocked?

 

Should i at least keep possible future communications open????

[Sweetfish]

Is it wrong of me to keep her blocked?

 

Should i at least keep possible future communications open????

 

When you don't take the advise here... it seems to blow-up

 

What exactly do you want to do?

[soulforge]

When you don't take the advise here... it seems to blow-up

 

What exactly do you want to do?

 

 

 

I know she isn't right for me... and if i let her back into my life, the dynamics would more than likely go back to how it used to be..

 

Things will be good for a while... then bham she will say or do something to bring me back her..

 

I am thinking by keeping her blocked, i will never give her an opportunity even if she did decide to make a change...

 

Maybe keeping her blocked is best for me.. to get myself back on my feet.

[Sweetfish]

I know she isn't right for me... and if i let her back into my life, the dynamics would more than likely go back to how it used to be..

 

Things will be good for a while... then bham she will say or do something to bring me back her..

 

I am thinking by keeping her blocked, i will never give her an opportunity even if she did decide to make a change...

 

Maybe keeping her blocked is best for me.. to get myself back on my feet.

 

 

I concur... you need time to see better without the flare of of emotions

[Cookies101]

The first 3 months of my relationship with my ex.. i did not know where i stood with her....

 

Say no more, i completely understand!

[soulforge]

Say no more, i completely understand!

 

 

I am glad you understand cookies..

[soulforge]

So now a little time has passed by.. i believe i am starting to see things a little more clearler..

 

I guess guess the love drug is wearing off a little, but i know have a long way to go yet.. things will probably get harder..

 

There are a few questions that are eating away at me, and i need clarification, i hope you guys can shed some light..

 

 

01. Is It likely my EX has Narcissistic traight???

 

 

What i have observed is this.. on a few occasions, when me and her had a fall out, i would step back and look at my own behaviour, and try to see what I can do better or how i can do things better..

 

I even suggested to my ex, that i will make changes, try my best not to get angry and communicate better (I only got angry with her 3 times in two years)

 

Here is the thing.. my ex never admited any wrong doing, always justified her behaviour.. rarely accepted upsetting me was wrong.. never EVER suggested doing anything better on her part, to improve the relationship..

 

As you are aware, she sneakely contacted an old ex of mine on Facebook, and tried to extract information off her about me..

 

Asking her If I was a man of integrity??? How mad is that.. i only ever tried my best with her, and gave her my time and love and effection...

 

 

Even now I get the impression, that she believes, infact she is the victim here? When i ended it with her.. she agreed with the breakup, and said I treated her horrendously!!

 

Is this a narcissism traight? Where she is always the victim.. and i am to blame for everything and anything????

 

 

Also another question...

 

 

As you are aware, the week before I ended it, my ex had been behaving quite poor towards me.. probably driven by her own insecurities..

 

She was baiting me about this girl from work, called me dik head etc.. then tried to cause problems on the day of our date..

 

When i confronted her about her behavior on the phone, and i suggested she does not make a joke out of everything, she took this badly..

 

She cut me rudely off the phone.. didn't turn up for our date, and did not even bother to contact me for 4 days... no apology nothing..

 

She was prob expecting me to come crawling..

 

Now imagine if I had gone crawling to her.. what would that have taught her??

 

I am certain she would have believed that she can do what she likes with me... jerk me off when he have a date.. cut me off the phone whenever she likes..

 

Not bother contacting me again... I believe her behaviour would have got MUCH MUCH worse!

 

To me this was a huuge disrespect...

 

Also it puts me in a situation where, i would be afraid to call her out for bad behaviour. . Just incase she cuts me off.. or doesn't talk to me...

 

 

So why oh why does she still feel the victim here? I have been looking into narcissism, and maybe possibly this is what i am dealing with...

 

 

Can a relationship ever survive behaviour like this?

 

 

A few questions there.. also i need to vent today guys.. helps to get it out sometimes..

[soulforge]

Sometimes I think to myself.. *** what if she starts seeing someone else.. hurts like mad...

 

But I keep reminding myself.. she has nothing to offer you.. she is not a good partner.. just be glad you got rid of her.. could have been so much worse...

 

 

Man its a struggle..

[soulforge]

today for some reason, I nearly broke down.. missing all the good times we had...

 

 

been on a couple of dates, but only end up feeling worse.. I hope this gets easier soon..

 

 

also I feel so bad for blocking her...

[Cookies101]

It sounds like you used your rational brain to break up with her, and now you are just having one of those days. Do not weaken, she wouldn't weaken for you! You'll probably be back to your resolute self tomorrow..

 

Cheers

[soulforge]

It sounds like you used your rational brain to break up with her, and now you are just having one of those days. Do not weaken, she wouldn't weaken for you! You'll probably be back to your resolute self tomorrow..

 

Cheers

 

 

 

Yes it's a struggle between emotions and logic.. emotion seems to be getting the better of me today.

 

 

What i keep going back to is.. why she reacted the way she did..

I pointed out to her on the phone, that she shouldn't be making a joke out of everything.. I don't understand why she reacted in such an extreme way..

 

 

Immaturity? selfishness? feeling like a victim? blame blame

her behaviour for the last week or so, was less than acceptable.. So I felt something needed to be said.. Staying quiet was no longer an option.

 

 

Guess I should stay strong, focused and keep reminding myself, I expect and deserve better than this for my life.

[soulforge]

really really struggling today guys!

 

 

reassure me please...

 

 

 

 

was dumping her the right thing?

 

 

after she cut me off phone.. I felt this was the last and final straw.. and there was no going back..

 

 

If I had continued with her, her behaviour would have got much worse.. as I would be enabling her further.

 

 

how many of you would tolerate being cut off the phone like that, then ignored for days on end.

[soulforge]

Nearly 2 months of NC now..

 

Have blocked her in everyway possible...

 

Been doing pretty well so far... but today feeling a deep sadness and loneliness.

 

Almost felt like reaching out... but I know this I cannot do!!!