Your Efforts vs The Universe for Love

[Mysterio]

It seems like my choices are always marred with obstacles. When I let the Universe bring a woman to me. It feels like I get my way so to speak.

 

So how about you all. When it comes to Love coming into your life. Do you feel like your choices are better than what comes to you out of the blue. Or vice versa.

 

I can't stand that every time I like a woman. There is some obstacles in the way. Like she is married or has a BF.

 

I just don't know why this has to be. No matter how cool I play it or think I can outsmart my life. Its almost like I have to let a woman come to me and let her be the one to make the moves on me. While I should just chill and not make any effort to find a romantic partner in a woman in my case of being a man.

[OntarioBoy]

I hear you Mysterio. A lot of the time in my life when I meet a girl that I am interested in there is always some kind of obstacle or just something to complicate matters. In my case it always seems to be another guy. It would almost be funny if it weren't so sad how many times I meet a nice attractive girl and someone else has beaten me to the punch. It almost feels like the universe is working against me finding someone, which I know isn't true, but honestly this has been single hardest obstacle in my life to overcome. And this is coming from someone who managed to squeak my way through an engineering degree. Hell compared to dating calculus seems easy, lol.

[Mysterio]

There is one girl at my gym that I really wished was single. I saw her and after getting to know her a bit. It breaks my heart that she is married. So unless she breaks up with her hubby. There is no way for me to overcome that situation.

 

Or whoever is meant for me long term. Must be really fantastic that the universe is keeping me from getting involved with women to date in the meantime until she arrives.

 

I think I am going to stick to Universal prayer at the moment. That way the weight is off my sholders. I am not going to die without having a love prospect. Its just that I wish for all of us here to have a little bit of something. I don't do one night stands or FWB.

 

So thats why its hard on a lot of us.

[Bantosm]

Most of the woman whom I've dated had a boyfriend when I first met them. That's not an obstacle that's just life.

[Mysterio]

Unless a woman is single. There is no point in pursuing. I just feels like some of them are in relationships, because they don't want to be without. It takes a strong woman/man to just stay single.

[Bantosm]

Unless a woman is single. There is no point in pursuing.

True but I can still get to know her and that's how I met and gotten to know most of the women I dated.

I just feels like some of them are in relationships, because they don't want to be without. It takes a strong woman/man to just stay single.

Being part of a group or in a relationship is human nature.

[Mysterio]

Bantosm. I am of mind that if a woman is married and we just meet. Whats the point in trying to get to know her. I have female friends that I already have if I want a female perspective on things in my life.

 

I can't imagine meeting a married women that is at the gym/work. We hit it off and then she is going to want to be my friend, and try to set me up with a single GF? No way is that going to happen.

 

I feel like prayer and meditation are the answer for me at this time. There are some exceptions.

 

Most of my main female friends were single when I became friends with them. None of them had any man in their lives. Except one and she broke up with him 6 months after I met her. She is on guy # 3 and seems happy for the most part.

 

I have to get over the fear that if I don't do anything in the romantic department. I will get nothing. Half a dozen of my male friends that have their main squeeze. They did nothing basically to have their women in their lives. The women just dropped into my male friends lives and my buddies just ran with it. Feel like the Women were more the driving force making it all happen than the guys.

 

For me the ideal relationship would be a woman that is single/childless between 37 to 48 that wants me to be her BF and is basically a girl next door type that is really romantically attracted to me. All we have to do is spend time together and work out any challenges between us while growing together.

 

I feel for a lot of people on this board. Perhaps we are doing way too much in this area. Other than being well groomed and friendly. Do we really have to work it. Is it really a numbers game. I say if there is an attraction it will just come out.

 

The girl that I like that is married. I can't see a way for her and I to explore a romantic relationship/date. Unless she is in the process of leaving her husband and I don't even know if there common law or not. There is no point on exploring something with her. I guess I could tell her for kicks in a dopey way. Yet I feel like what would that do. !% chance of her being thrilled by that news.

[carnelian]

This happened to me so many times for so long. They are married or with someone, or maybe they are lying about it so you don't pursue them. Doesn't matter. Finally I gave up hope. After a certain age, they had kids too, and I was reluctant to propose marriage because I didn't want to live with them.

 

 

Love will find you. You can accept it or go kicking and wailing.

You don't find love.

[preraph]

Nearly everything I wanted, I had to fight obstacles to get. With career, it required me making that my entire life and focus especially because back then it was a male-dominated career, more than most even, with women kept in very subserviant positions. For example, I had to pretend I couldn't type (which I now make my living doing) or I never would have been placed in any other position than secretarial. The first convention I went to in order to meet people in that industry in the new town I had moved to to pursue the career, I wore a three-piece Kasper taupe wool suit, very conservative, and as soon as I walked in the door, a couple of men came and brought me into the circle which at first I thought was great, and then I realized they assumed I was a prostitute there at the convention for them to sic on clients. Good grief. And every one of these people in years to come, I would end up working with one way or the other, disrespect and all, until I was finally in a position where they wouldn't dare. Just one obstacle after another.

 

In love, none of mine were easy or conventional. One had ED he didn't tell me about and wouldn't stop hanging around but made up excuses why no sec and didn't tell me until a decade later when he was married and had had therapy to overcome childhood molestation that caused it.

 

A couple others were separated when we first dated, which is fraught with complications and rarely works out because once they're official, they are also going to date other women. But I did mostly pursue the men that I fell in love with, although the separated ones pursued me, but I was already interested in one of them, who I still know today and socialize a little with.

 

Then one that just popped up where I worked when I was just a kid really was just the best looking guy I've ever seen, and we had an intermittent fun relationship including sex, but it was never bf/gf because it was the 70s and his options were unlimited. But I will always love him and he never broke my heart, unlike the others.

[Mysterio]

For me what I don't get is this constant situation of the following. I the Great Mysterio. Only get romantic attention, when I don't care. It's never with me looking at the woman. Making my moves by being respectful and pleasant and asking them out and they are super happy about it.

 

Its always when I don't' care for some reason. I would be better off just as I say to others. Go about my life and forget about making a romantic connection with any woman. It will come to me. I don't have to make any particular effort anymore.

 

All though short term. It seems to go my way more when I don't do anything major. As opposed to me trying to make something happen. Even if I am low key and we go out. I have been out with a lot of women 20 yrs of active dating. When I was 16 to 24 I never really cared. When I started trying. Things never worked out well. There are some that came to me without I making it happen, but its been more my trying in that area of life.

 

So that means. My choices in a love match when I am out there never work and are wrong. Match/E-Harmony will not work for me.

 

If I look pattern-wise in my life. My next Love match will come from me being low key and not focusing on it. As of this writing. I would be better off not to make any type of effort at all. Yet in other areas. I have to make an effort. Love is not one of them. My worry is I don't want to be so emotionally withdrawn that I make that woman crazy with worry that she is not good enough for me.

 

I think that a friend could be a better matchmaker for me, than myself and I don't know why that is. Its like there are some things that you can make better on your won. Others you have to let the universe provide for you. Yet I still don't understand why my Love life is wacky like that.

 

When I look at myself. I see myself more like a Black Ritchie Cunningham from Happy Days. That listens to a lot of Rock and Roll. Can converse on a lot of subjects. I get told like l really listen. I am not a class clown. I am not Mr. Serrious as well. I like questioning thing and am introspective for the most part. I like looking at the pattern of things.

[Mysterio]

Adding to my previous Post. I never had to really work at getting work. It fell into my lap with little effort. I am discovering that I get my way, by not always trying to make things happen.

 

My way is not me dominating. Its my letting life flow, instead of directing it. So this year. I am letting Love find me. I want to see if I let this part of life come to me. If it will find me.

[Mysterio]

Sometimes I wonder if the women, form a guys view. That the women who are in relationships right now. If they are really happy. Or is it all about having a couple of kids and lifestyle that is more to what they are after.

 

I always feel from women. Not all that they are really not in love with their SO. The Guys are. Yet the women don't seem to be that way.