missvalley Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) i dont know where to put this, my apologies if its in the wrong place. ill try and keep it brief, but appreciate anyone that'll take the time to read as im desperate to regain my life back in a healthy and positive manner and really need some heartfelt advice. 8 months ago i was in a serious [motor vehicle accident], surviving, when i shouldve been killed. i experienced a timelapse of family 'letting me go' and knew i was going to die. i tell it that way because its how i remember it. i walked away so to speak, with various cuts and bruises, whiplash, concussion and something to do with a c4-c5 disk, that continues to be bothersome. a few weeks after my accident i'd met someone and he too, had been in a [motor vehicle accident] several months before, and suffered similar injuries. we developed an interest in each other and he continued to pursue me for the next few months. where i was living at the time, was an extremely toxic atmosphere so he gave me the option of moving in with him. 3 months ago i did. shortly after moving in, i was diagnosed with complex ptsd and i began to experience flashbacks, other out-of-character behaviors and floods of tears off/on. (due to severe childhood trauma) hard for many to understand i know we cannot control it, nor can thinking positive make it ok. i am the same person underneath and working with a psychologist to get better, i am still loving and loyal and excited about the relationship. however, i feel its rather a one sided 'love affair' at this point. he doesnt laugh at any of my jokes, hardly makes any eye contact when we speak, blows off or seems annoyed if i try to discuss anything, ignores me often, like im invisible. seldom wants sex unless i initiate it, and even then it seems like a chore getting his pants off. doesnt tell me much. he cosigned for a family member to get a house the other day, and said nothing. (we both have the same dream of living in the country in a little cabin, with water, open field, etc) when the offer went through and was approved yesterday, he didnt say anything. (thats a huge deal isnt it, getting a house!) he'll be claiming the garage, and is excited about it so why wouldnt he have shared it with me? instead, i read it on fb. he does not have a home of his own, and for financial reasons, rents the basement of his parents house. last, but not least. when and if we do have conversations i feel he's very harsh/cold and it hurts. its difficult and i am always afraid of how he'll react, sometimes i feel like im afraid of him. he is obsessed with fishing and brings in odd questions like "if i wanted to get up and 2am and go fishing how would you react?" my reply was that he made me believe when we'd met that he wanted someone to do these things with.. ive been without money (until now) as insurance has been giving me the run around all this time, so he's been paying for everything. he tells me he loves me and doesnt want me to leave, but his actions speak differently. im early 40's, hes late 30's. theres a lot going on, i dont know anyone locally as im not from here. i feel very alone. its important to note that i dont sit around crying/being sad, etc. i know nothing about him aside from what he tells me and shows me as i dont know a single person! sometimes i feel hes just waiting to get some money back and ive been a burden and investment. Edited March 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator acronyms ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 sometimes i feel hes just waiting to get some money back and ive been a burden and investment. Boy, you get the award for glossing over the highest number of pertinent details in a single post . Working backwards - - did you tell or promise him you'd pay him back? How much and when? - had you not met him, where would you be living? Seems an arrangement of financial convenience for both of you with feelings mixed in. - even if money was no object, why stay with someone who treats you like this? - if my math is right, you moved in with someone you'd know less than 6 months. Bad, bad idea... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author missvalley Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 - did you tell or promise him you'd pay him back? How much and when? no. he says he understands that it isnt my fault, but i just cant help but feel its made him feel different of me. - had you not met him, where would you be living? Seems an arrangement of financial convenience for both of you with feelings mixed in. i dunno in another province likely. - even if money was no object, why stay with someone who treats you like this? is he ghosting me or hoping ill decide to leave? - if my math is right, you moved in with someone you'd know less than 6 months. Bad, bad idea... i know i know i know Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 is he ghosting me or hoping ill decide to leave? Since this is the case: he doesnt laugh at any of my jokes, hardly makes any eye contact when we speak, blows off or seems annoyed if i try to discuss anything, ignores me often, like im invisible. seldom wants sex unless i initiate it, and even then it seems like a chore getting his pants off. Why does it matter what his plan is? missvalley, you know what love, consideration and respect looks like, right? This isn't it so you should plan accordingly. Either you're going to take some action or he's going to decide for you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I would agree. This doesn't sound like a very loving or supportive relationship. It sounds like a relationship of financial convenience that you thought was more, but hasn't worked out that way. You moved in together way, way too soon... You know what you need to do. You need to start looking for somewhere else to live and find some support for yourself - if not family, then friends or your counsellor. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but you deserve more than what you are getting with this man... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I am very sorry to hear of your circumstances and what has happened to you. It is not easy to cope with trauma like you have suffered. It shakes you to the core and life does not feel the same afterwards. A great part of that is a feeling of insecurity. I am sure you must have been thinking of ways to become more independent. Relying on your boyfriend for money and housing puts you in a very vulnerable position. It sounds like he is no longer your boyfriend and he has checked out of the relationship. I know this must be very hurtful. The best you can do now is to find a way to become more independent so that you have choices. You need to find somewhere else to live and move on to give yourself a chance of a better life. Your boyfriend is not offering a relationship, is acting as though he is not in one. I can imagine you are feeling ill through all this stress. You are in the situation at the moment and sometimes it is hard to see that it can get better because you feel so down. But, things can get better once you start taking control back for yourself. Independence is key here. Is there any way you could get different housing, maybe a job, or go back to college? You need to separate from this guy to start to see how this relationship is not good for you. You could go on to better things, to someone who loves you and would not dream of making important decisions about you. Try to focus on getting yourself into an independent position and, if possible, see a therapist about all this. You need support at the moment. You can always post here whenever you want to. You are going through hard times and people will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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