Shana Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 This is just my personal thoughts that I am throwing out. I am just thinking out loud, hope you all do not mind I have browsed many of these posts where the girl wants to be married like... NOW and she is looking for ways to persue him to propose etc.etc. giving ultimatives etc.etc. But me.. Ive been with my guy for 1.8 now. We live together, have the time of ours lives .. we built our "new" life around eachother the right way.. we both have busy lives but we include eachother in our lives 50/50 .. everything with us is a happy 50/50. Lately I've been to a trillion weddings, every time I turn around someone is getting married, I almost feel like it is becoming a trend around me and I am quite happy for these people, but thinking to myself am I going to get married some day? Guy and I said from day 1 that we should at least be together for a couple years before even thinking about marriage (2-3 years) or whatever it takes.. which I do agree on. We have not chatted marriage in the 1.8 we have been together but we do talk future as far as what our personal goals etc. are - we always include eachother. Everyone keeps asking me when are you getting married, I can only say if it happens cool, if not, I am still cool - which is the honest truth. But I want that option... Maybe I am just thinking that maybe he does not want to marry?? Never said he did, never said he didn't. I do know kids are out of the quesiton for both of us.. we don't want to be tied down to that great responsibiliy. I think I am just venting what I am thinking here.. I will not, do not and never will bring up marriage to him, nor will I pressure him, nor will I get moody thinking about what others have .. I am a happy person and I like my life how it is ... Maybe I am not sure what I want? I know I want him in my life .. but which way is the quesiton?? Im confused? Thanks for listening to me run in circles here. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 There is nothing wrong with your thoughts but I am surprised the subject has never come up. Do you know him well enough to find out if he shares your thoughts on marriage in the same way the two of you share your thoughts on not having children? What would happen if he proposed to you in a few months? Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Thanks for your words. I do know him well enough to discuss thoughts on marriage, I just honestly would not even know where to begin a conversation like that. I also would not want to put any pressure on him in thinking that with a "marriage conversation" I am saying propose NOW! (I think guys think like this, no?) Odd to say, huh? We are very open to the no kids rule, that definatley is in stone and easy to discuss when we see moms and dads at a fine resturant with screaming kids... kid conversation comes up easier.. Ya know, you ask if he was to propose in the next few months what I would say .. well I would be overly joyed as my special gift from God is committed to sharing his lifes adventures with me and for someone to do something so special for someone else is just a beautiful thing. I would accept the proposal because like said in the original post, I am confused as to what's going on around me but I am happy with my life and him in it.. It's like my "clock' is not ticking although we are in our early 30's and maybe for some it is? what is up with me? I feel silly but I am thankful to dump it out here!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TineeTam Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 why would marriage be important to you? What would you have after marriage that you don't have now? For many people marriage is the goal and thats why so many probably keep asking you that. It's like and ending and a beginning and people don't want to stay on the road forever--they want to reach a goal, or turn a corner. If its not important to you there is nothing wrong with that, but many will not see a long-term relationship as anything other than a road to a goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 would be, it's a very special gift that someone could give to another, something that says, your my partner, my confidant, my friend and you think of me in a very different way then what just a 'relationship' means. It's not rings or a huge ceremony - no bling-bling it is what two people share together. Our relationship now is wonderful, and I am not kidding, everything falls into place accordingly and we are both very happy, you ask, what would marriage change in the relationship the way it is now? Well, honestly? Not a thing.. as far as the outside and the overall picture of us, but internally it all comes back to someone wanting to share them selves with someone else... I think there is a lot to say about that. We are all individuals and things for us don't go as planned at times, or we are forced into something we would rather not be, but its life, it happens... at least with the 'power' of being able to give someone your hand in marriage you still hold the key, you still have something that is your and yours only, and of course it is very dear to you... and to actually wear your heart on your sleeve and open up to share yourself.. well, I think that is an amazing thing. I don't want to think of marriage as a goal but seems like with whatever I do think, it is anyway huh? Thank you for your words TineeTam, by people posting to my posts I am thinking more and more outside of my thinking circle, it helps.. Just making sure that I am not sounding odd on my thoughts here .. am I??? I just want to understand the "roads" of this "game". Link to post Share on other sites
binturong Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 .It's like my "clock' is not ticking although we are in our early 30's and maybe for some it is? what is up with me? I feel silly but I am thankful to dump it out here!!! I wonder if it's because neither of you want kids. There's no need for you to get married by a certain age so you'll still have time to get pregnant and raise a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Originally posted by binturong . I wonder if it's because neither of you want kids. There's no need for you to get married by a certain age so you'll still have time to get pregnant and raise a child. I did not think about it that way binturong! And you know that is probably why we are just 'hanging'! I wonder will this be a long term committed relationship or a marriage in the future. I mean people do get married with plans in the beginning of not having children right? Or is it another case of milk and cow??? hummm! Link to post Share on other sites
binturong Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I think your relationship could definitely lead to marriage, but since neither of you feel the need to have kids, it's not an urgent matter. DH and I were together for 6 years before we got married. Part of it was that we finally felt we were old enough and stable enough to have kids, so we felt it was the right time to get married. Because really, he was listed as my next of kin on all legal forms anyway, and I was on his. We were already living together and shared expenses. Marriage has made some things easier...joint accounts now, easier for the public to realize that he could speak for me and vice versa...but wanting kids by a certain age was one of the motivating factors too. Link to post Share on other sites
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