Types of restaurants for dates

[Wayne0789456]

My questions apply to first dates, dates in committed relationships, married couple dates, and all stages in between.

 

Let's say your date suggests a restaurant for dinner and describes it as "upscale casual". What comes to mind? What would you expect things like interior decor and tables to be like? What would you wear to such an establishment? What is your overall perception?

 

Now, let's say that the description "casual fine dining" is used. What are your answers?

 

How about for "casual elegant"?

 

What about "fancy but not formal"?

 

I've caught dates off guard in the past by using the incorrect terminology for my descriptions, so I am hoping to learn what people's perceptions are of the terms I am using. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

[GemmaUK]

My questions apply to first dates, dates in committed relationships, married couple dates, and all stages in between.

 

Let's say your date suggests a restaurant for dinner and describes it as "upscale casual". What comes to mind? What would you expect things like interior decor and tables to be like? What would you wear to such an establishment? What is your overall perception?

 

Now, let's say that the description "casual fine dining" is used. What are your answers?

 

How about for "casual elegant"?

 

What about "fancy but not formal"?

 

I've caught dates off guard in the past by using the incorrect terminology for my descriptions, so I am hoping to learn what people's perceptions are of the terms I am using. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

 

Really honestly?

I would be concerned about a guy who was reading so much into things.

 

All of the above is way too complicated for me - we are doing Maccy'D's, a chain 'pretend to be real restaurant' or an independent.

 

What type of place are you meaning OP?

[Els]

Uh, what? Why not just state the name of the place?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Uh, what? Why not just state the name of the place?

 

BINGO! Unless it's some new or more obscure restaurant, naming it is clearly the best thing to do and/or comparing the more obscure one to another familiar one.

[Ronni_W]

, so I am hoping to learn what people's perceptions are of the terms I am using.

My perception is that the terms you are using are meant to impress your dates with how sophisticated you are, and perhaps also convey that you can afford

all this fancy eatin's . However, my experience is that, even if your strategy/ploy does work for you at the beginning, you're still going to need to demonstrate

a bit more substance...if your ultimate aim and goal is to long-term be with a person of substance.

[Wayne0789456]

I am trying to figure out the proper term to put in my OLD profile. I am finding that I cannot get too wordy in indicating restaurants that are not "formal" as in black tie -- that term does not create confusion, but all other phrases I have used mean something different to every person.

 

Rarely do I suggest black tie formal restaurants. I cannot find the words to communicate that I tend to gravitate toward restaurants more casual than black tie formal, but LESS casual than Red Lobster, Fridays, or Olive Garden.

 

Every time I suggest a restaurant like that, which is about 50% of the time, to get a mix, after a few dates they complain that my suggestion isn't casual enough, basically. They want the Applebee's or Outback types 100% of the time. I would like to go to nicer restaurants 100% of the time, in the same way that they want to go very casual 100% of the time, but they won't take 50/50, they want all their own way. I'm trying to find the correct terminology to weed those people out BEFORE first meet or first date, not after 3 or 4 or 5 dates. I can't find the vocabulary to attract someone with the same preferences as me. That's why I'm asking for advice, how are the words I am using REALLY being perceived?

[introverted1]

I am trying to figure out the proper term to put in my OLD profile. I am finding that I cannot get too wordy in indicating restaurants that are not "formal" as in black tie -- that term does not create confusion, but all other phrases I have used mean something different to every person.

 

Rarely do I suggest black tie formal restaurants. I cannot find the words to communicate that I tend to gravitate toward restaurants more casual than black tie formal, but LESS casual than Red Lobster, Fridays, or Olive Garden.

 

Every time I suggest a restaurant like that, which is about 50% of the time, to get a mix, after a few dates they complain that my suggestion isn't casual enough, basically. They want the Applebee's or Outback types 100% of the time. I would like to go to nicer restaurants 100% of the time, in the same way that they want to go very casual 100% of the time, but they won't take 50/50, they want all their own way. I'm trying to find the correct terminology to weed those people out BEFORE first meet or first date, not after 3 or 4 or 5 dates. I can't find the vocabulary to attract someone with the same preferences as me. That's why I'm asking for advice, how are the words I am using REALLY being perceived?

 

So why can't you say something like, "A few of my favorite restaurant are [name1], [name2], and [name3]." Or just say that you don't enjoy big restaurant chains. Or that you like to explore smaller, unique eateries.

 

FWIW, I don't like any of the restaurants you've listed above, but the descriptions in your OP are meaningless to me. If anything, they make me think of the type of clothing I'd have to wear, not the type of food that might be eaten.

[Wayne0789456]

the descriptions in your OP are meaningless to me. If anything, they make me think of the type of clothing I'd have to wear, not the type of food that might be eaten.

 

Looking for descriptions that are not about the food is part of the idea. It's not about the clothing, either, not really. I am trying to find words to describe atmosphere, which can affect clothing choices in the moment.

 

I need to explain this. I can get good food at a very casual restaurant. If I am in the mood for a certain cuisine and I am by myself, that's where I will go, but the nicer ones I like to save for dates. In my mind, when I'm on a date, the atmosphere and surroundings are as important, if not more important, than the food, since the whole point of a date is to spend time with the woman I am dating.

 

My dates, however, make it about the clothing. They want casual restaurants ONLY so that they can avoid business-casual to semi-formal attire. I suggest a nice restaurant in the interest of romance. Most are more appropriate for somewhat dressier attire. I just dress accordingly and see no need to give that a second thought. My dates, however, want to stay only with the very casual, less romantic restaurants, for the purpose of avoiding nice attire.

 

So why can't you say something like, "A few of my favorite restaurant are [name1], [name2], and [name3]."

 

I've dated people unfamiliar with those specific restaurants, like if she lives 30 miles away, I may not have a reference she is familiar with.

 

Or just say that you don't enjoy big restaurant chains.

 

Because it's not true. I have been to chains on dates, if we both have agreed to it, like if we want to have the food, but the chains are all about the food, and less with the romantic atmosphere.

 

Or that you like to explore smaller, unique eateries.

 

That I like to do, but some of those can also be quite casual. I do not have to go to a nice restaurant on every date. 50% less casual and 50% very casual is perfectly fine with me. My frustration is that dates want to avoid the nicer restaurant that 50% for the purpose of avoiding the attire. I am trying to figure out the right terminology to describe the romantic type of classy-casual restaurant that I hope that we can go to at least 50% of the time. I am tired of meeting women who make such a big deal out of clothing. I want to meet one who, like me, does not give a second thought to dressing up, even if we do so often. I want to meet a woman who is jsut as willing to compromise as I am.

[act00]

My questions apply to first dates, dates in committed relationships, married couple dates, and all stages in between.

 

Let's say your date suggests a restaurant for dinner and describes it as "upscale casual". What comes to mind? What would you expect things like interior decor and tables to be like? What would you wear to such an establishment? What is your overall perception?

 

Now, let's say that the description "casual fine dining" is used. What are your answers?

 

How about for "casual elegant"?

 

What about "fancy but not formal"?

 

I've caught dates off guard in the past by using the incorrect terminology for my descriptions, so I am hoping to learn what people's perceptions are of the terms I am using. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

 

"Upscale casual" I would think means something other than your typical casual family dining. I would expect this to be a restaurant where you dress up a little, "business casual" - no shorts, denim, T-shirts, flip-flops, sneakers, etc.

 

"Casual elegant," and "Fancy but not formal" sounds to me like a step below formal attire, but still very dressy. I would consider this to be fine dining.

 

I agree, the name of the restaurant can be a good indicator of the expected dress code, but if someone just doesn't know, other terms could be, "dressy," or "Sunday best" which may not work for more formal dining.

[todreaminblue]

i feel its important to know what the dress code is for a restaurant.....

casual fine dining for me means for men collared shirts slacks or pressed pants and covered shoes not sneakers...and for discerning women most who go on dates unless told otherwise normally dress suitably for casual fine dining.....

 

if you are worried about the terminology for the dining criteria just mention the suitable dress code this you can verify by either ringing them and asking or talking to people who have told you about the place....

 

most women when they go on dates dress in attire other than sweats and tights and sneakers.....so casual fine dining is normally the starting point.....i wish you well....deb

[basil67]

Why not say that you enjoy getting dressed up and going out to nice restaurants?

 

Edited to add: your previous posts are all about what women wear. There is something going on here which is so much more than where to eat. Look, I love to get dressed up and go out....but you are taking this to levels which are simply odd.

Edited March 4, 2017 by basil67

[coolheadal]

I cook for my dates its saves time and energy. But the first date should be a simple place. Why are you going to spend so much money on a first date where the point of the date is to get to know the person and see if you two can click? Going out to eat should be on the same page. I usually go after the second date either to a sports bar and buy the appetizers like: fried pickles, or art/spinach dip with unlimited on the house chips. If you know how to get them to give you that for free. Works for me. Those high price places you want to take out gets overboard. I will not take out a woman who only wants to go out to eat and doesn't want me to cook them home cook meal. Or they might want to cook but I don't see much women want to cook instead. I have no problem cooking my avatar is meal I made green apples bugs veggie burger in it's own creamy avocado sauce with healthy sandwich. Like I said make them a meal at home and don't worry about where to take them high price joints or not. Just to dress-up or not dress-down or go shorts and t-shirt or jeans. Not a big deal to me. Candle light dinners at home works out nice. Turn down the lights!

 

Keep it simple, keep it real I say!

[introverted1]

Why not say that you enjoy getting dressed up and going out to nice restaurants?

 

Edited to add: your previous posts are all about what women wear. There is something going on here which is so much more than where to eat. Look, I love to get dressed up and go out....but you are taking this to levels which are simply odd.

 

Oh wait... is this the guy who started the thread about wanting his dates to wear dresses?

 

OP, if getting dressed up is so important to you, then say so in your profile: I like dressing up for a night out and hope to meet a woman who enjoys the same.

 

Don't make it about the food when it isn't.

 

ETA: Even if I lived 30 miles away, if a guy told me he likes Restaurant X, I would google it.

[basil67]

Wayne, have you considered that a woman may want more downmarket restaurants because she cannot afford the the financial impact of having sufficient clothing required when frequently fine dining?

 

My wardrobe is mostly casual and smart casual. I own one 'little black dress' and one pair of nice heels. If a partner wanted me to dress up frequently, it would cost me a lot of money. And if we broke up, I'd be left with a heap of stuff which I'd rarely wear and would soon be unfashionable.

 

If a girl doesn't own much in the way of formal clothes and shoes, are you prepared to buy them for her? And I assume you're Ok with paying for all the fine dining yourself?

[Wayne0789456]

Wayne, have you considered that a woman may want more downmarket restaurants because she cannot afford the the financial impact of having sufficient clothing required when frequently fine dining?

 

My wardrobe is mostly casual and smart casual. I own one 'little black dress' and one pair of nice heels. If a partner wanted me to dress up frequently, it would cost me a lot of money. And if we broke up, I'd be left with a heap of stuff which I'd rarely wear and would soon be unfashionable.

 

If a girl doesn't own much in the way of formal clothes and shoes, are you prepared to buy them for her? And I assume you're Ok with paying for all the fine dining yourself?

 

That particular point, I have to admit that I have not.

 

However, could I offer a few rebuttals here? Not to be argumentative and difficult , but to offer a few counterpoints. I will use your own situation the way you described it to cite the examples.

 

I own one 'little black dress' and one pair of nice heels.

 

Do you not own any blouses or sweaters that you could put together with skirts or slacks? Or with flats? Or even non-blue jeans to go in-between?

 

What you expressed is what many others have expressed, totally formal and very casual with little in between.

 

Very few of my restaurant suggestions are formal attire required, yet are upscale when compared to Fridays or Red Lobster. The total ticket for both of us might be $40-$50 at a casual restaurant, and maybe $50-$60 at the nicer restaurant, where the food is generally better to begin with, and the atmosphere is infinitely more romantic. Even if formal attire is not required, blue jeans and tennis shoes are really just too casual for their product. Black or green or tan or red jeans, let's say, with flats and a sweater would be an example of a casual-yet-appropriate look, if you don't mind my getting so specific.

 

I'd be left with a heap of stuff which I'd rarely wear and would soon be unfashionable.

 

Most people also think what you have expressed here as well, that no requirement to dress up = cannot dress up. You would have extra items to wear even on "casual" dates, just to look nice.

 

True story, about myself. Sometime in my early 20s, I was in a clothing store to purchase some blue jeans. I noticed a few racks away dress pants for about the same price. I ended up opting for the dress pants, because they look far nicer, and there was no reason I could not wear them for the "casual" purpose I was getting them for. I basically quit worrying about what other people who I do not know thought in casual settings. Then, on dates, before there were restaurant review sites, if I was somewhere where I was unfamiliar with the restaurants, I felt far less restricted in making choices on the fly, I did not have to avoid the nicer ones. The frustration is in my dates' insistences on being the most casual they could "get away" with.

 

and would soon be unfashionable.

 

The way you say that, it sounds as though you are concerned about what people who you will never formally meet think??? If I interpreted incorrectly could you correct me? I wear some things that are a decade old, because I like them, and I do not care what people I will never meet think.

 

If a girl doesn't own much in the way of formal clothes and shoes, are you prepared to buy them for her?

 

When in a committed relationship I do enjoy getting my girlfriend things from time to time other than just for Christmas and birthdays, even some articles of clothing. So, I already do in a way.

 

I assume you're Ok with paying for all the fine dining yourself?

 

Every woman is different, some expect me to pay the whole thing, even the casual dinners, others want to pay their own way, but the latter is when we can really step up the restaurant. Even if she can't pay the complete half, I get personal joy knowing that the date is at the more romantic restaurant.

 

Does that post make sense?

[coolheadal]

Man you should go dutch.. I had a date where I paid on my business card and so did she paid on her business card. I had found out later she paid for the end entire night. I guess the waiter messed up the numbers. It's okay.. That won't happen again.

 

Wow you pay always suppose to be like that but why not cook them a meal and some some of that money.

[basil67]

Do you not own any blouses or sweaters that you could put together with skirts or slacks? Or with flats? Or even non-blue jeans to go in-between?

 

I wish. Are you aware that women's clothing is designed to fit a B cup bust? I am an E cup and I cannot get blouses or sweaters which fit my bust and don't make me look pregnant. Oh, and I'm in Australia so we don't have near the clothing range which is available in Europe and the US. We're going into autumn now and I'm despairing because I can't find any nice semi casual tops which are flattering.

 

Very few of my restaurant suggestions are formal attire required.

 

I'm not familiar with any of the restaurants you've suggested. But based on your previous posts, I thought you were going for a fine dining look. My bad.

 

Most people also think what you have expressed here as well, that no requirement to dress up = cannot dress up. You would have extra items to wear even on "casual" dates, just to look nice.

 

No, it's not 'cannot dress up'. It's about 'don't want to dress up' or 'haven't got the clothes even if I want to dress up'.

 

I basically quit worrying about what other people who I do not know thought in casual settings.

 

My style is indie. I have long ago stopped worrying about what other people think. My sister says that my hair would look odd in her more conservative suburb. I wear what I like wearing. And what I can't find in regular stores frequently comes from charity stores or I make it myself.

 

The way you say that, it sounds as though you are concerned about what people who you will never formally meet think??? If I interpreted incorrectly could you correct me? I wear some things that are a decade old, because I like them, and I do not care what people I will never meet think.

 

It's not about what other people think. It's about what I like to wear. I bought a skirt in the thrift shop in the early noughties which I still wear. I've got a long red summery dress which I've had for a good 6 years. I love it and mend any little holes it gets in it. But if if clothing is a few years old and I no longer feel great in it, I toss it. If I buy lots of clothes, that's a lot of waste.

 

When in a committed relationship I do enjoy getting my girlfriend things from time to time other than just for Christmas and birthdays, even some articles of clothing. So, I already do in a way.

 

But you want women who you're casually dating to get dressed up for you, yes?

 

Every woman is different, some expect me to pay the whole thing, even the casual dinners, others want to pay their own way, but the latter is when we can really step up the restaurant. Even if she can't pay the complete half, I get personal joy knowing that the date is at the more romantic restaurant.

 

Good. As long as you're not taking her places which are too expensive for her to contribute to.

[GemmaUK]

So it sounds like this is more about clothing than foodI

 

Do you not own any blouses or sweaters that you could put together with skirts or slacks? Or with flats? Or even non-blue jeans to go in-between?

If I were to put something together like you suggest here then I would feel like I'm about to head off to work.

 

I have a few different styles - all which suit me. I dress for my shape, not for fashion but I rarely have any reason to dress up very formally.

Most of my non work clothes are smart casual or casual. I never wear sweat pants or anything like that - not unless I'm exercising.

I only know of one lady who owns quite a lot of formal wear - she is an events organiser and it's important for her role but outside of events organising she wears vest tops and sweat pants/suts day to day. She feels that dressing up is 'work ready' also.

 

Maybe you should add to your profile that you like a woman to dress classically and that you don't like blue jeans?

 

However, be very aware that stipulating how someone dresses can be off putting and seen as controlling behaviour so even those who do dress classically and who don't wear blue jeans may well skip your mail/profile if you have dress specifics within it.

[basil67]

If I were to put something together like you suggest here then I would feel like I'm about to head off to work.

 

I had the same thought. If I still worked in an office, I could have worn my office clothes to suit the OPs description. But I would only do that if we met up straight after work for drinks and then dinner.

 

If I worked as a child care worker, gardener or in the arts, I probably wouldn't own those types of clothes at all. It's just so NOT my personal style.

 

For what it's worth, I think my dark blue jeans are more dressy than my black jeans.

[GemmaUK]

I had the same thought. If I still worked in an office, I could have worn my office clothes to suit the OPs description. But I would only do that if we met up straight after work for drinks and then dinner.

 

If I worked as a child care worker, gardener or in the arts, I probably wouldn't own those types of clothes at all. It's just so NOT my personal style.

 

For what it's worth, I think my dark blue jeans are more dressy than my black jeans.

 

Exactly!

 

Also, with jeans - blue jeans are the main colour they make and they tend to be made of better quality fabric - they can be simply as more will be sold so the overall margin for the company and retailer is more stable.

Coloured jeans tend to be inferior material and therefore don't feel as good as they don't fit as well generally.

I am the same - my dark blues are way more dressy than any black jeans I have ever purchased - simply because of the quality and fit.

[clia]

I think you should just say in your profile that you enjoy getting dressed up for dinner (no blue jeans) and are seeking a woman who feels the same way.

 

Like I said in your previous thread, you are probably better off meeting women in person so you can see that they are dressed to your liking. This is a personal style characteristic. I see women all over, every day, everywhere I go wearing dresses or dressier attire. For whatever reason, you keep pursuing the ultra casual women. Go sit at the bar at one of the dressier type restaurants you like and see who you meet.

 

And, I honestly don't know many women who wear colored jeans. They just aren't trendy or popular right now. Tan jeans? Yuck. It's very trendy to wear dark jeans with cute shoes and top.

Edited March 5, 2017 by clia

[Miss Spider]

Why not just be honest and say you have a fixation on what women wear so much so that you make several indepth threads about it on dating forums. Say you are turned on by dressy, elegant clothing and turned off by casual wear, esp. flip flops

 

Oh right...that's weird...

Edited March 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Els]

Are you paying for these restaurants?

 

If you are, I'm sure a simple "I enjoy taking my dates out to nice restaurants" will do just fine. Unless you REALLY want to go for the food critic/restauranteur crowd, there's no need to pinpoint the specific type of restaurant, honestly.

 

If you're expecting 50/50 on the bill, it's going to be significantly more difficult for you though.

 

FTR, re: the clothing issues, I've honestly worn a $30 dress with ballet flats to fine dining restaurants before (the type with $150 p/p degustation menus), and have never encountered anyone having an issue with it. As long as you're not dressed in a completely egregious manner like beach shorts with flip flops, I really doubt anyone will take issue with what you're wearing. The times I've been, I've seen people dressed in jeans or casual tops as well, and they were treated with respect.

 

So... well, that's probably bad news for the OP since it means that nice restaurants don't guarantee him a girl in a little black dress with 5 inch heels. But I don't understand the issue that some of you ladies have with them.

[Wayne0789456]

Are you paying for these restaurants?

 

If you are, I'm sure a simple "I enjoy taking my dates out to nice restaurants" will do just fine. Unless you REALLY want to go for the food critic/restauranteur crowd, there's no need to pinpoint the specific type of restaurant, honestly.

 

If you're expecting 50/50 on the bill, it's going to be significantly more difficult for you though.

 

Sometimes I do, but how about 25/75? or 20/80? 50/50 and 0/100 are not the only two options. I just want a woman to have an enjoyable date. I'm not going to play CPA and count pennies.

 

FTR, re: the clothing issues, I've honestly worn a $30 dress with ballet flats to fine dining restaurants before (the type with $150 p/p degustation menus), and have never encountered anyone having an issue with it.

 

As long as you're not dressed in a completely egregious manner like beach shorts with flip flops, I really doubt anyone will take issue with what you're wearing. The times I've been, I've seen people dressed in jeans or casual tops as well, and they were treated with respect.

 

So... well, that's probably bad news for the OP since it means that nice restaurants don't guarantee him a girl in a little black dress with 5 inch heels. But I don't understand the issue that some of you ladies have with them.

 

Actually, that outfit (above) sounds awesome . I fully realize that it is not "formal attire", but it is in the realm of what I consider "dressed up". I suppose you could say "informal dressy".

 

Even that type of outfit is what many of my dates go to great lengths to avoid, because it is "too dressy". They want to avoid nicer restaurants, including nicer casual restaurants, for the purpose of dressing even more casually than that outfit.

 

Most restaurants won't turn away people based upon their attire, so I have seen that, as well. It's just that everyday attire to a non-everyday restaurant, even if it's not a special occasion, seems like a mismatch.

[Wayne0789456]

So it sounds like this is more about clothing than foodI

 

It's actually about neither one. Obviously, if I know that the food is terrible, or if my date or I does not enjoy their particular cuisine, or if I see that online reviews are overwhelmingly bad, I do not go there. Period. No matter how good the atmosphere is. The major factor, like 75-80% of why I pick a restaurant, is the atmosphere. On a date, it's about enjoying each other, and because it's a date I try to find the most romantic spot I can find. That does not need to be an extravagantly formal establishment, but it's definitely not Fridays or Outback or some bistro, either.

 

When I look on the internet, as a guideline, I initially look for tablecloths and cloth napkins. Many have decorative lighting, that don't really light the place but do add class to the establishment. If I see that they have a wine list, even though I do not drink wine, it s an indicator of class. I look for low ambient lighting, and I LOVE when tables have those little candles on them. Very, very romantic. Those are the types of restaurants I like to enjoy with dates.

 

It is rare for a restaurant like this to have bad food, so that's why it's not about the food, other than making sure that my date enjoys the type of cuisine they serve.

 

Even, also, with all that class, very few of those restaurants are black tie formal, with a requirement for formal attire, even though such attire would be appropriate. Most would even "allow" people dressed in blue jeans, even though this really is not appropriate, in my humble opinion. The absolute most casual I would dress for this restaurant myself would be a dressier polo shirt, dress pants, and dressy shoes, although I would wear a suit and tie if it works for the rest of our date. That's where the dressing up comes in.

 

Can we all agree that, even if formal black tie attire is not required, and business casual and smart casual attire is permitted, I have just described a classy, upscale restaurant?

 

That is why I am trying to find a woman who enjoys dressing up, so that we can together enjoy the romantic atmosphere of establishments like this one. It's about the atmosphere of the restaurant more than it's about the food and the attire combined. It just so happens that such restaurants will basically serve excellent quality food, and that informal dressy attire is what's most appropriate for this atmosphere.

 

I've honestly worn a $30 dress with ballet flats to fine dining restaurants before

 

Not only awesome, but completely appropriate for the establishment I just described, in my opinion. Probably about equivalent to the casual outfit above that I may wear myself. And, even if I was wearing a suit and tie, out attire would not really be a mismatch. That's why the "office attire" GemmaUK looks so much nicer than blue jeans.

 

Is some of this making sense now?