He left me for someone else

[whydoicare]

Well it's been confirmed, he has someone else. He was texting this girl from his class in September and made me feel like I was over reacting for questioning him about it. I had to go get the last of my things from the apartment we had been sharing today as I had important books, TV's etc. we had been cordial and set up a time for me to come get my things, he made sure not to be there but left the Valentine's Day card that girl had given him out on the counter.

 

I feel so betrayed. I knew something was going on with him and this girl. I am such a fool. Why would he be so heartless to leave that out in the open on the counter for me to see? Thanks for reading. I'm heartbroken.

[spiderowl]

I am so sorry you have been hurt like this. Yes, he was thoughtless leaving that card out. He is just not the guy for you. You know what the guy for you looks like? He is there, sending you a Valentine's card, and would never dream of hurting you. He is out there somewhere.

 

I know you will grieve for this guy for a while. It is a painful time. It will pass and you will find someone better. Hugs for you xx

[whydoicare]

I can't stop thinking what does she have that I don't have. Will this relationship last? She was really drunk the only night I ever had any encounter with her. Will I ever hear from him again? If he wasn't physically cheating I am 99% sure he was emotionally cheating during the last few months of our relationship yet he has no remorse.. I could never do that to another person let alone someone I claimed to care about..

[kel224]

I know it might not help much, but just wanted to say I understand how you feel.

 

My ex-gf left me for her friend after 3 years. She did this only a couple months after we moved in together. I'll spare the details, but I'll just say that I really felt like a fool when I found out. I couldn't believe how many red flags I'd been naive about. I trusted her too much.

 

Looking back, do you remember having a gut feeling that something was maybe off? I've learned that those gut feelings are 99% of the time extremely important and correct.

 

I'm also not sure how people can do this. Mine even brought him with her to get her stuff when I tried to be decent and return it to her. Should've burned everything of hers instead. I can't give much insight into the psychology of people that do this kind of thing, but I suspect there to be elements of narcissism and an inability to be alone with themselves.

 

I imagine you feel a lot of things like I have. Heavy waves of anger, betrayal, sadness over losing someone special, guilt for any mistakes you might've made, embarrassment. I remember feeling so forgettable and easily replaced, like I never meant anything to her.

 

There's no way of telling if your ex's new thing will work out. My ex is still with this guy, nearly 5 months later. It's best to assume it will work out, and you gotta focus on your happiness independent of his life.

 

A few things that've helped me: harness the anger into some kind of outlet. For me, I use it to push myself in the gym and generally to be a better person than ever. Gotta say, I look better than I ever did with her. I'd recommend journaling to help get your feelings out. That's been like therapy for me.

 

Lastly, it's important to get control of wondering if he'll come back or even talk to you again. It's normal to grapple with this for a good while. There's always a small chance that they will contact us again, but that's probably not the norm. If he does, you'd have to wonder if it's only because his new relationship isn't going well. If he did cheat and leave for her, I hope you'll get to the point of never wanting to see or hear from him again. I think your best plan is to focus on being the best version of yourself you can. You'll attract someone even better this way, and also be your happiest. Maybe he'll notice and come sniffing around, but maybe he won't. You have to do this for yourself though. Living well is the best revenge.

 

I'm sure you'll get over this, no matter what happens. Time heals all wounds, but it doesn't do so quickly. By being proactive you will speed this recovery along. Take care of yourself.

[Cookies101]

Heavy waves of anger, betrayal, sadness over losing someone special

 

There is nothing "special" about a person who can do this to you.. People who do this are not worthy of your time, so as suggested here, you are best to move on and concentrate on yourself

[whydoicare]

Thank you kel224. Your words and story have helped tremendously. I have been going to the gym and recently started yoga - I've lost 13 pounds so far and am also in the best shape I've been in a while. I graduate from pharmacy school in May and was recently offered an amazing job at a large hospital in town - a job I would probably not have applied for had my ex and I not broken up since my original plan was to take a job closer to him. So many positive things have happened as a result of this breakup - I am choosing to focus on them.

 

I read back through your story - you seem like a great guy with a good head on your shoulders. I know you will meet someone amazing one day. I feel for you that you have to work in the same building as your ex, I couldn't even imagine. I am fortunate that my ex is in school 2.5 hours away - I've blocked him and all of his friends from social media, as I've come to realize that seeing anything related to him is like ripping the bandaid off all over again.

 

These people were not worthy of the love we have to offer. One day I know I will look back and realized I dodged a bullet, as I'm sure you will. Best regards.