I thought he was divorced UPDATE: Didn't go to their SM page today!

[Fergielove3]

No you shouldn't check up on him or message once a year. If your slept with him and have the feelings it's best you completely remove him from your thoughts, just keep yourself, throw yourself into work or charity stay busy and surround ppl that love and respect you. It may not seem like it now but you'll get over him and your going to be okay.

[wmacbride]

I just keep thinking "what if he dies? Or is hurt or sick."

 

I won't know that he is ok.

 

You're right. He was manipulative. That has given me another angle to consider. I've only considered that I love him. That we said we'd remain friends. That he said if things don't work and I'm still available he wants to be with me. That I enjoy seeing his Christmas and holiday pictures/post.

 

I know it makes it easier for an ow to believe she was manipulated, and in you case, you are 100 percent correct.

 

How dare he lie to you and tell you he's single when he's not. What gives him the right to drag you into his mess? If he's got porblem in his life, he should consult a therapist and not mess up your life because he felt entitled to have "more".

[Lovetoo]

I just want to cry. I feel like he has died. But he actually hasn't. My thoughts and emotions are wavering. One second I feel like crying and sad cause I won't know he's ok etc. then I feel like I should be happy. He was t a good guy. But I think he was. I love him.

Willi conti he to miss him? Or will these emotions change after I get them out my system.

 

I should feel free. Before I was bound. Tied. I couldn't escape. Was checking on him multiple times a day.

 

Honestly should have severed things long ago.

 

I guess all us not being friends means is that I can't see his posts. Maybe I'm over reacting. If things don't work out and he wants to he could hypothetically still reach out. And hypothetically I could still tell him happy birthday. Though I know I should be in the space where I don't desire to. And maybe I will be/am when the dust clears.

[sandylee1]

If he's hurt or is ill or dies..... He has a wife, who is his next of kin. He's not your problem to worry about.

 

It was really bad of him to deceive you like that, but do respect their marriage and look at moving on .... to a man who is honest about his relationship status from day 1.

 

Don't waste your love on a man like this. He's not worth it.

[WarriorBabe]

Lovetoo, if there's one thing that this A has taught you it is to check out who's entering your life.

 

If something happened to him and you two were out of communication, what could you possibly do?

 

His wife has asked you to respect her marriage and that is very well what you should do.

[spiderowl]

I just keep thinking "what if he dies? Or is hurt or sick."

 

I won't know that he is ok.

 

You're right. He was manipulative. That has given me another angle to consider. I've only considered that I love him. That we said we'd remain friends. That he said if things don't work and I'm still available he wants to be with me. That I enjoy seeing his Christmas and holiday pictures/post.

 

Sounds like he was offering you the 'fall-back' position. If things don't work with my wife, then I can call on you. Why should you be second choice? Yes, he was manipulative and his wife is an unfortunate woman.

[Lovetoo]

Lovetoo, if there's one thing that this A has taught you it is to check out who's entering your life.

 

If something happened to him and you two were out of communication, what could you possibly do?

 

His wife has asked you to respect her marriage and that is very well what you should do.

 

I think that is what I'm doing right? Did I have to delete him to do that?

[Lovetoo]

Sounds like he was offering you the 'fall-back' position. If things don't work with my wife, then I can call on you. Why should you be second choice? Yes, he was manipulative and his wife is an unfortunate woman.

 

 

True, but for a while I would've been that. Not sure that's different now.

[sandylee1]

I think that is what I'm doing right? Did I have to delete him to do that?

 

Yes.

 

Wouldn't you want the same if he was your husband?

 

You would not want a woman who was in love with your husband as his friend, in any shape or form.

[Grammie]

I think that is what I'm doing right? Did I have to delete him to do that?

 

You deleted him, you didn't block him.

 

He knows how to reach you if he wants to.

 

Now you won't be checking his profile several times a day. Now you can move on with your life.

 

Why would you want to be on the peripheral of his life? Shouldn't you be actually IN someone's life? He's not all that -- he's a married guy who cheats. What is there to love? Do you even know the real him? Not sure how long your affair was, but you never really knew him - you knew the snippets he showed you (and let's remember, he lied about his marital status).

[whichwayisup]

It's been 2 years and he's still on your mind daily. BLOCK him on fb and let go. Have a long cry and grieve the loss. He has life with someone else and children with his wife, he led you to believe otherwise but it was all a lie.

 

Hanging onto little bits and pieces of him is preventing you from living and finding a great love for yourself. It's a sad waste of your life to spend pining over someone who isn't into you anymore. Sorry I'm sure that stings to read but it's true. You want love and a relationship? You need to push yourself to move through this and forget him so you can find that great (single) guy who can fulfill all your needs.

[Lovetoo]

Youre right. I guess I thought I could keep

Him as a friend and just never email him. But I can still be tempted to

Do that. I don't believe I will. A part of me wants to tell him

Happy birthday but I dont think it would be nice.

I'm just really emotional right now and I'm going back and forth between emotions. You do things. Hoping they communicate certain things to the other person. That's passive aggressive and uneccesary. It doesn't matter what he thinks, knows or feels.

 

I'm getting there. Slowly. Gradually. Surely. Prayerfully no setbacks. I'm ready to be free. I'm ready to be blessed with love from God. I find it difficult to meet ppl.

[whichwayisup]

Youre right. I guess I thought I could keep

Him as a friend and just never email him. But I can still be tempted to

Do that. I don't believe I will. A part of me wants to tell him

Happy birthday but I dont think it would be nice.

I'm just really emotional right now and I'm going back and forth between emotions. You do things. Hoping they communicate certain things to the other person. That's passive aggressive and uneccesary. It doesn't matter what he thinks, knows or feels.

 

I'm getting there. Slowly. Gradually. Surely. Prayerfully no setbacks. I'm ready to be free. I'm ready to be blessed with love from God. I find it difficult to meet ppl.

 

Time to do some deep soul searching and ask yourself why you'd want someone like this in your life, even once a year. You're not IN his life anymore so do not reach out and contact him or wish him a happy birthday. By doing that you're causing your own pain and misery. Bolded, it's not healthy to do that so please don't.

[Grammie]

Youre right. I guess I thought I could keep

Him as a friend and just never email him. But I can still be tempted to

Do that. I don't believe I will. A part of me wants to tell him

Happy birthday but I dont think it would be nice.

I'm just really emotional right now and I'm going back and forth between emotions. You do things. Hoping they communicate certain things to the other person. That's passive aggressive and uneccesary. It doesn't matter what he thinks, knows or feels.

 

I'm getting there. Slowly. Gradually. Surely. Prayerfully no setbacks. I'm ready to be free. I'm ready to be blessed with love from God. I find it difficult to meet ppl.

 

Why are you hung up on telling him happy birthday or seeing pictures of his family (for his birthday or the holidays)? If he wanted you in his life, he's make that known. I would stop obsessing over him and wondering about him and stalking him on social media. Go find a life for YOU, go engage in the world instead of sitting around waiting to see if he added a new picture to social media.

[Lovetoo]

You deleted him, you didn't block him.

 

He knows how to reach you if he wants to.

 

Now you won't be checking his profile several times a day. Now you can move on with your life.

 

Why would you want to be on the peripheral of his life? Shouldn't you be actually IN someone's life? He's not all that -- he's a married guy who cheats. What is there to love? Do you even know the real him? Not sure how long your affair was, but you never really knew him - you knew the snippets he showed you (and let's remember, he lied about his marital status).

 

You're right. I do feel free now that there's no point in checking his profile several times or any times really. I do want to be in someone's life. I find it so hard to meet someone and I felt a connection/chemistry With him from jump. Our a was 2 years. But I def deserves more than what he gave me. I do know that deleting him was the best choice. Now I am forced to move on. I would t have moved without force.

[Lovetoo]

It's been 2 years and he's still on your mind daily. BLOCK him on fb and let go. Have a long cry and grieve the loss. He has life with someone else and children with his wife, he led you to believe otherwise but it was all a lie.

 

Hanging onto little bits and pieces of him is preventing you from living and finding a great love for yourself. It's a sad waste of your life to spend pining over someone who isn't into you anymore. Sorry I'm sure that stings to read but it's true. You want love and a relationship? You need to push yourself to move through this and forget him so you can find that great (single) guy who can fulfill all your needs.

 

 

You're right. He isn't into me. If he were he would be letting her divorce him. Even though he says he wants to try for heir children. I'm sure he wants to try cause he loves her too.

 

All irrelevant

 

Thank you. I'm getting there.

[whichwayisup]

You're right. He isn't into me. If he were he would be letting her divorce him. Even though he says he wants to try for heir children. I'm sure he wants to try cause he loves her too.

 

All irrelevant

 

Thank you. I'm getting there.

 

He is where he wants to be by choice.

 

You're welcome.

 

You deserve so much more than you'll ever get from him. Love and respect yourself by remembering that you're special and worthy of a mans full attention and not have to share with someone else.

[deadsoul]

I'm sorry you're going through this....

 

I'm glad you deleted him. Every time you looked at his page, you were "pain shopping." You knew it would hurt, you thought it would make you feel better, but it makes you feel worse. Every time you look at SM, you are not allowing yourself to heal and get over him.

 

You are still in the fog and your focus needs to be on you. IC? It sounds so cliche, but this stuff works... exercise, hobbies, being with good friends, focus on YOU. I promise, it gets easier, but you have to work for it.

 

The day comes when you realize your feelings weren't as real as you thought and you can sort of "separate" yourself from them.

 

I never, ever thought I would say that, but it's true. Time really is the great healer, but you have to do your part and make the move to step forward and leave them behind.

 

He didn't choose you. And that hurts. But his rejection does not make you not worthy because you are. It just means that you and he were not meant to be.

 

Find that self-love. It is what I'm working on. It's not an easy road, but it can be done.

 

Make the choice to move forward from this. You can do it, I promise.

 

PS: I deleted all social media. It was not a positive experience for me anymore and I realize how much I was on it. I have found that exercising, journaling, and doing my other hobbies are much more productive and healthy.

[Lovetoo]

I'm sorry you're going through this....

 

I'm glad you deleted him. Every time you looked at his page, you were "pain shopping." You knew it would hurt, you thought it would make you feel better, but it makes you feel worse. Every time you look at SM, you are not allowing yourself to heal and get over him.

 

You are still in the fog and your focus needs to be on you. IC? It sounds so cliche, but this stuff works... exercise, hobbies, being with good friends, focus on YOU. I promise, it gets easier, but you have to work for it.

 

The day comes when you realize your feelings weren't as real as you thought and you can sort of "separate" yourself from them.

 

I never, ever thought I would say that, but it's true. Time really is the great healer, but you have to do your part and make the move to step forward and leave them behind.

 

He didn't choose you. And that hurts. But his rejection does not make you not worthy because you are. It just means that you and he were not meant to be.

 

Find that self-love. It is what I'm working on. It's not an easy road, but it can be done.

 

Make the choice to move forward from this. You can do it, I promise.

 

PS: I deleted all social media. It was not a positive experience for me anymore and I realize how much I was on it. I have found that exercising, journaling, and doing my other hobbies are much more productive and healthy.

 

 

Thank you dead soul,

 

What is meant to be? I guess there is a choosing to be. It's timing and choices. I would check for photos of her. New photos of him and kids. He rarely posts pics of her. That's how I found out he still lived at his separate apartment. Social media.

 

I believe I am in the fog. He should've been dead long ago. When he couldn't commit. I find it hard to focus on me. I am in the process of IC. But focusing on me has always been hard.

 

Feelings do need to be separated. I did/do have real feelings for him. I could've loved him greatly. Had he been in the space to accept and reciprocate.

 

I hope time heals. I go a while but I suffer setbacks. Feel like I'm back where I started. It once took me like 5 years to stop thinking about a man. I hope this doesn't take that long. I understand. He has a life and it doesn't include me. I accept that. No matter what I want or even if a part of him wants some part of me, those wants don't amount to much. Other than their acknowledgement. They change nothing. They are valid, they are honest but they do/change nothing and therefore need to be left where they are. And hopefully dissolve.

 

You deleted all sm? Wow. How long? I do so much on the. I try to limit my time and I try to make sure I invest that time for a return.

 

How long did it take you to get past and through? How long did it take the dust to even start to settle and you begin leaving well enough alone?

 

Thanks love!

[WarriorBabe]

I think that is what I'm doing right? Did I have to delete him to do that?

 

It's hard saying goodbye to someone you love and even harder holding on and fighting for someone who isn't fighting for you. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, his marital status would not be a factor.

[Lovetoo]

It's hard saying goodbye to someone you love and even harder holding on and fighting for someone who isn't fighting for you. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, his marital status would not be a factor.

 

True, men let nothing keep them from what they really want. I thought keeping him as a fb friend was a passive way of keeping the option there in case it didn't work. Or whenever he was ready to be platonic friends. To see him.

 

I'm starting to see that all was doing more harm than good. It wasn't helping. It was hurting. I've still searched his name. But I suppose eventually I'll stop being that I won't be able to see anything new. Except maybe a profile pic change and he rarely changes it.

 

Goodbye is extremely hard. I felt devastated!!! I still do. At times. Feel ok at the moment. Bought a book on grief. And love attachment. Im excited to learn. Excited for new beginnings and new ventures. Excited to have time to discover.

 

Not looking forward to the regrets, memories, searching his name or wondering abt him. Can't wait till it's all over. Till I meet someone or throw myself completely at something. Can't wait to see him die who/what he truly is. A liar. Cheater. User. Untrustworthy. Selfish. Dis/unsatisfied man. But he's handsome, smart. Mature. Charming. Ambitious. Nice. Compassionate.

 

See me for who I am. Unhealthy. Too trusting. Unaware of my complete worth and value. Manipulative. Needy. Obsessive. Anxious. Too accepting. Compassionate. Loving. Forgiving. Beautiful. Smart. Nurturer. Dreamer. Etc.

 

I'm ready. To be done. To be over. To live. Yo love me. To love someone else and BE LOVED in return.

[curiouslysearching]

It's hard saying goodbye to someone you love and even harder holding on and fighting for someone who isn't fighting for you. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, his marital status would not be a factor.

 

That is very true WB....if the guy truly wants to be with her then he

will FIND A WAY.....

[deadsoul]

I think when two people love and fight for each other, to be together, it is meant to be. He's just not doing that and you deserve more.

 

Social media is tricky... because isn't this site social media? I feel like I've replaced one addiction for another. It was very hard because I was on FB, Insta and Snapchat. So first I deleted the apps on my phone. That was tough. Did that for a couple weeks and would only let myself access this stuff on my laptop at home. It just got less and less and finally I just quit. I haven't been on it in 5-6 weeks now. I miss it a little bit, but mostly not. I'm using the time in much better ways now.

 

Honestly? I'm not completely over it yet. And I thought something was wrong with me because I wanted to be over it and didn't want these feelings. Now I know it is okay to have them,but not okay to act on them. And just knowing that is helping me so much. I'm not upset by them anymore and I'm focusing my time and energy on the person it should've been on all along. (I'm a wayward).

 

I'm also focusing on feeling good inside and not being negative. A lot of mindful thinking and stuff. Some days are better than others, but I take one day at a time, sometimes one hour, sometimes one minute. And I look back to where/who I was last year and even though it doesn't seem like I've come a long way, I have. I have a long way to go though, but that's okay. I'm on the right road now.

 

 

 

Thank you dead soul,

 

What is meant to be? I guess there is a choosing to be. It's timing and choices. I would check for photos of her. New photos of him and kids. He rarely posts pics of her. That's how I found out he still lived at his separate apartment. Social media.

 

I believe I am in the fog. He should've been dead long ago. When he couldn't commit. I find it hard to focus on me. I am in the process of IC. But focusing on me has always been hard.

 

Feelings do need to be separated. I did/do have real feelings for him. I could've loved him greatly. Had he been in the space to accept and reciprocate.

 

I hope time heals. I go a while but I suffer setbacks. Feel like I'm back where I started. It once took me like 5 years to stop thinking about a man. I hope this doesn't take that long. I understand. He has a life and it doesn't include me. I accept that. No matter what I want or even if a part of him wants some part of me, those wants don't amount to much. Other than their acknowledgement. They change nothing. They are valid, they are honest but they do/change nothing and therefore need to be left where they are. And hopefully dissolve.

 

You deleted all sm? Wow. How long? I do so much on the. I try to limit my time and I try to make sure I invest that time for a return.

 

How long did it take you to get past and through? How long did it take the dust to even start to settle and you begin leaving well enough alone?

 

Thanks love!

[Lovetoo]

I think when two people love and fight for each other, to be together, it is meant to be. He's just not doing that and you deserve more.

 

Social media is tricky... because isn't this site social media? I feel like I've replaced one addiction for another. It was very hard because I was on FB, Insta and Snapchat. So first I deleted the apps on my phone. That was tough. Did that for a couple weeks and would only let myself access this stuff on my laptop at home. It just got less and less and finally I just quit. I haven't been on it in 5-6 weeks now. I miss it a little bit, but mostly not. I'm using the time in much better ways now.

 

Honestly? I'm not completely over it yet. And I thought something was wrong with me because I wanted to be over it and didn't want these feelings. Now I know it is okay to have them,but not okay to act on them. And just knowing that is helping me so much. I'm not upset by them anymore and I'm focusing my time and energy on the person it should've been on all along. (I'm a wayward).

 

I'm also focusing on feeling good inside and not being negative. A lot of mindful thinking and stuff. Some days are better than others, but I take one day at a time, sometimes one hour, sometimes one minute. And I look back to where/who I was last year and even though it doesn't seem like I've come a long way, I have. I have a long way to go though, but that's okay. I'm on the right road now.

 

I flip flop so much. I want consistency.

 

How long has it been?

 

Those are all very good valid points. Progressing and being positive. That's an amazing upside, you're not where you were. Amazing!