I'm so tired of mother in law & sister in law

[Jennyq]

Hi everyone, please excuse me because my English isn't so good. So just 1 month ago out of no where my mother inlaw who is 43 years and has been married 5 times decided to go back to her country to married again with a random guy that she met online... Nobody in the family accept this but she went and married the guy anyways. Okay that just is one part of the story... Now that she want to live over there with her new husband. So she left everything behind even her own daughter who is 13 years old ( which is my sister in law). She gave me and my husband a little bit of money tell us to take care of the sister... omg... I'm speechless.. I don't know what say anymore

My husband he love his sister.. well of course who doesn't love their sister but.. the thing is she is not normal..

She is only 13 years old but she look like 20 something years old.. she use a lot of make up, dating different guy,.. a lot of stuff that a teenager would do.. and she doesn't respect anybody.. I guess she takes that from her mom..

Now thinking of living with her it's just a nightmare to me.. but I can't just tell my husband all this because I love him..

it's just really stressful..

we're moving together with his sister soon.. in a week.. I just don't know what to do anymore..

Let's just see how life goes living with the sister in law..

Thank you so much for reading this .. ?

[Telemachus]

She's 13 and has been abandoned by her mother, and her father is apparently not in the picture. You don't mention him.

 

What alternative do you propose? You can't abandon her also. Not now anyway. Depending on where you're located, you may have no legal guardian rights or responsibilities at this point. If she makes poor decisions, her actions may lead her out of your household anyway.

 

Work with your husband to set rules and limits for her. If she breaks them, there must be consequences. Don't go overboard though - she's not your daughter. You're rescuing her. Feel good about offering her food, clothing and shelter. Things like her choice of makeup and exactly everything she may be doing outside your home aren't worth worrying about. What she does inside your home are worth being concerned about.

 

The key to making the best of the situation is to remain united with your husband and to work closely with him.

[smackie9]

Good lord what mess.....this poor girl never had a proper parent to set a good example and now she has been abandoned by her own mother.....that is so sickening. This girl needs a second chance at a better life, and now is the time for you to step up and take charge. YOU NEED to discuss with your husband every detail about what is going on with his little sister. Suggest he better get her into counseling asap! I agree you need to set this girl straight with rules and boundaries. Be firm, but give her lots of love and support.

[preraph]

If you are in the US, which I'm guessing you're not, you can call Child Protective Services and tell them the mother has abandoned her child.

 

Wherever you are, find out the laws on child abandonment and if they exist, report it.

[Jennyq]

Thank you all for your advice and opinions. Her father has another family. Don't keep in touch anymore. We're living in Canada by the way. I will try my best to take care of her.. and yes maybe living with us will give her a second chance to grow up in a proper way. It is really hard for a young woman like me to handle a situation like this... I will do the best I can.

[smackie9]

Thank you all for your advice and opinions. Her father has another family. Don't keep in touch anymore. We're living in Canada by the way. I will try my best to take care of her.. and yes maybe living with us will give her a second chance to grow up in a proper way. It is really hard for a young woman like me to handle a situation like this... I will do the best I can.

You can apply for child guardianship and get government funding....similar to foster care. You can also apply for free counseling for her too by the government. Just contact social services.

[d0nnivain]

Make sure you & your husband are on the same page about rules, boundaries & expectations for the 13 year old.

 

 

Embrace this poor child as much as you can but do set rules. She must go to school, do her homework, help around the house etc. Act like her mom (in that sense I mean a reliable adult figure not her actual trainwreck of an irresponsible mother). Let her decorate her room. Engage with her friends. Support her in school activities. Do fun stuff with her. Give her the most normal childhood you can.

[Gaeta]

Thank you all for your advice and opinions. Her father has another family. Don't keep in touch anymore. We're living in Canada by the way. I will try my best to take care of her.. and yes maybe living with us will give her a second chance to grow up in a proper way. It is really hard for a young woman like me to handle a situation like this... I will do the best I can.

 

It's criminal to abandon a child of 13 in Canada. You need to alert the authority (the police). Then you need to ask a judge for the legal guardianship of this child. You see her as a sister-in-law but she is just a child, even if she looks like a woman she is a kid in her head. Is she going to school? You need to involve a therapist and a social worker in all this. No excuse from you and your husband all this is free in Canada.

[Jennyq]

Make sure you & your husband are on the same page about rules, boundaries & expectations for the 13 year old.

 

 

Embrace this poor child as much as you can but do set rules. She must go to school, do her homework, help around the house etc. Act like her mom (in that sense I mean a reliable adult figure not her actual trainwreck of an irresponsible mother). Let her decorate her room. Engage with her friends. Support her in school activities. Do fun stuff with her. Give her the most normal childhood you can.

 

Yes. This is exactly what I'm thinking and going to do for her. I have a brother too I will love her as much as I love my brother. Thank you so much for your advice!

[d0nnivain]

As much as I want you to call child services on the mom, don't do it without your husband's blessing. In the short tem get a power of attorney from the mom so you can get the girl enrolled in school, the school can talk to you & so you can get her medical care as required. Don't wait for an emergency to find out nobody can tell you anything & mom is God knows where.

[VeveCakes]

It's criminal to abandon a child of 13 in Canada. You need to alert the authority (the police). Then you need to ask a judge for the legal guardianship of this child. You see her as a sister-in-law but she is just a child, even if she looks like a woman she is a kid in her head. Is she going to school? You need to involve a therapist and a social worker in all this. No excuse from you and your husband all this is free in Canada.

 

Second this. My best friend works for child services and they will really do what it takes to help you in this situation. The therapy alone could be a life changer for the child.

[Jennyq]

It's criminal to abandon a child of 13 in Canada. You need to alert the authority (the police). Then you need to ask a judge for the legal guardianship of this child. You see her as a sister-in-law but she is just a child, even if she looks like a woman she is a kid in her head. Is she going to school? You need to involve a therapist and a social worker in all this. No excuse from you and your husband all this is free in Canada.

 

This is more like a family thing.. I don't think it's a good idea to have anything to do with police. I don't think she will be happy if every body know about her situation.. All I can do for her is make her feel like a family again. It's just I'm a little upset about her attitude but after sharing this with you guys. I realize that because she didn't have a proper family from the beginning and all the stuff she learned is from her mom.. which is not good. I'll make sure to give her a good life. But still depends on how she willing to change.

[Jennyq]

As much as I want you to call child services on the mom, don't do it without your husband's blessing. In the short tem get a power of attorney from the mom so you can get the girl enrolled in school, the school can talk to you & so you can get her medical care as required. Don't wait for an emergency to find out nobody can tell you anything & mom is God knows where.

 

As you know I can't do that. Even though I want to. My husband will not let me. She is still his mom in the end no matter how bad she is.. I feel awful seeing many times she went with different guy and left her kids behind. My husband got left behind and have to live with his uncle when he was in grade 10... My husband didn't have any contact with her until about a year ago she contacted him because she has nobody and she need help with money. So we moved in together to help her and mostly because the sister. But now.. as I said on the post she just left us to go get married.

My husband said this is her last chance. Will let her go we will take care of the sister if anything go wrong with her life.. we're not sure if we can help her anymore... I really hope my mother in law will be happy with decision and not bothering us again.. really hope..

[Jennyq]

Second this. My best friend works for child services and they will really do what it takes to help you in this situation. The therapy alone could be a life changer for the child.

 

Thank you vevecakes but I think we will able to handle this. I feel better after reading all the advices. I'll help her to have a better life.

[Gaeta]

This is more like a family thing.. I don't think it's a good idea to have anything to do with police. I don't think she will be happy if every body know about her situation.. All I can do for her is make her feel like a family again. It's just I'm a little upset about her attitude but after sharing this with you guys. I realize that because she didn't have a proper family from the beginning and all the stuff she learned is from her mom.. which is not good. I'll make sure to give her a good life. But still depends on how she willing to change.

 

I am not sure if you were born here in Canada but you need to understand that here you cannot just give your child to someone even if it's family. You and your husband have no legal authority on this child. You cannot sign for her for anything. You can't sign to renew her health insurance, you can't even sign for her to have her vaccines, her social insurance number, to have a copy of her birth certificate, you cannot even register her to her next school year. You need a legal paper giving you that right. Like D0nivan said if god forbid she has an accident and need a surgery you cannot allow it.

 

She is 13, she will not want to change. She is at the age she was given a lot of freedom she will not want to go back to being supervised. You need help. You need a social worker.

 

Who gets the allocation to this child? You mean the mom is gone and she is still cashing he child allowance from government? This should be transferred to her brother. See why it takes you a legal authority.

 

ETA: And let me add this. If your husband intention is to sign for his mom that is forgery. If school discover her mom is gone and the brother does not have legal authority they will involve the authority. We take that very seriously.

Edited March 7, 2017 by Gaeta

[rushed]

How long have you and your husband been together? This might take a toll on your relationship if you guys aren't careful. Personally, I'd feel a bit of resentment if all of a sudden I had to take care of a 13 year old. Do both you and your husband work? If you don't work, will you be expected to do most of the primary care (e.g. cooking, cleaning, taking her to school, etc.)? Have you talked about how things will work? If you haven't already you should have a talk with your husband regarding these matters.

[Jennyq]

How long have you and your husband been together? This might take a toll on your relationship if you guys aren't careful. Personally, I'd feel a bit of resentment if all of a sudden I had to take care of a 13 year old. Do both you and your husband work? If you don't work, will you be expected to do most of the primary care (e.g. cooking, cleaning, taking her to school, etc.)? Have you talked about how things will work? If you haven't already you should have a talk with your husband regarding these matters.

 

That's what I'm concerning about.. we're have been together for 4 years. We're both working and I'm still in university. All this sudden just too much for me. I might have to stay at home and do all the primary care.. I'll will talk to my husband about this...

I'm really afraid it could really effect our relationship.

[mightycpa]

You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband first, to talk about how you'll react if she starts doing what you might be afraid of, especially as she gets older. You can't be afraid of that conversation and you can't allow him to shut you down. You live in that house too.

 

What if she does poorly in school? What if she goes out with older men? Gets drunk, does drugs? Gets pregnant? Lives like a pig? Is disrespectful?

 

There is probably no greater motivation for her than to stay in Canada. Maybe she needs to know that the fallback choice is to ship her off to country X, and to be her mother's problem, not yours and your husband's problem.

 

Maybe she needs to KNOW that this is a real option, and it is up to her whether or not that happens.

 

A lot of this depends on how much resentment she has in her, and how much gratefulness she has too. The picture you've painted is not good, but maybe she just needs to open up and let some of her resentment out and she'll be fine. Maybe that will be easy for her to do, if she's given the opportunity and encouragement to leave that behind.

 

Anyway, you can't be afraid to talk about anything to your husband, especially if it concerns the way you'll live.

[Jennyq]

Thank you everyone for all your opinions and advices. This girl is trouble maker.. just right before we're moving in together with her. My husband got a call from school that she skipping school again.. she do this many times. So we come up with a solution we're going to take care her Yes. We will do the best we can if thing doesn't work out .. we will have to give her back to her mom to take care of her.