spiderowl Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Why do some people get under our skin so much when others don't? I've had to end an online relationship which wasn't progressing into real life, but the guy really got under my skin and it is going to be difficult to get past this. There was such a strong connection - which he said and I agreed - that neither of us felt we would find it again. But there was obviously some issue because he wasn't taking it forward. He is upset and I am upset, but essentially he had the chance and didn't take it. You can have various dates, spend time with friends, chat with people online, talk on the phone - have all kinds of contacts - and yet out of those, very few really affect you deeply. Why some and not others? It seems like some kind of subconscious resonance. Whatever it is, it is incredibly powerful. There are so many people in the forums who are trying to get over such a strong feeling of emotional connection and finding it torture. We humans seem vulnerable to this and yet it often takes us by surprise. It seems it can happen at the flick of a switch. Does anyone understand what really happens? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 It sounds like you didn't actually meet this guy IRL. If this is the case, you would have fallen for a fantasy. And because it's a fantasy, we get caught up in all the could have beens without ever getting to find out what his cons were. I think holiday romances can be similar. Caught up in fun, but not experiencing what it is to actually be dating this person properly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 Thanks basil, no I didn't meet him in real life but chatted on the phone and texted a lot. I'm sure a lot of it was fantasy and was trying to make sure I didn't fall into that trap. We had our disagreements but on the whole had much more in common than I have experienced with anyone (despite him being from a different culture). Sometimes something just clicks and then you know you are sunk. I just wondered what it is that resonates within us and triggers this deep-rooted feeling of connection. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Thanks basil, no I didn't meet him in real life but chatted on the phone and texted a lot. I'm sure a lot of it was fantasy and was trying to make sure I didn't fall into that trap. We had our disagreements but on the whole had much more in common than I have experienced with anyone (despite him being from a different culture). Sometimes something just clicks and then you know you are sunk. I just wondered what it is that resonates within us and triggers this deep-rooted feeling of connection. People do seem to get caught up in these online relationships and never meet the person in real life. I've noticed that theme on this board. I've definitely dated some guys that I was crazy about, but I eventually got over it. In college, I had a FWB that drove me mad. I wasn't in love with him, but he really affected me. I would be waiting on pins and needles for him to call me. But I eventually got over it once I graduated college and moved away. I barely think about him anymore. I don't know why certain people do that, but maybe it has to do with wanting what we can't have. I think it automatically makes people more attractive. When you look back, do you see a pattern emerging with certain men? For instance, are the ones who are hard to get or who don't want a commitment the ones you can't let go? Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Talk about coincidence... I was watching "The Matrix" trilogy on DVD and I came across your post just as the crazed Agent Smith was standing angrily over Neo's body in the climactic fight scene and screaming "Why, Mr. Anderson, why do..." into the rain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 I haven't noticed any particular pattern. The guy didn't seem hard to get in the first place and we were just chatting, nothing more. We just got on so well. I just wondered why just the written word can have such an impact. This is very unusual for me, I usually exchange 2-5 messages then lose interest. This just hit at a much deeper level. Yes, that's the kind of thing I meant, why some people affect us so much more than others. It's very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
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