lewis23 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Last year I flew to the other side of the world to meet a friend who I had known online for a few years. We got very close in the months leading up to the trip and hit it off immediately. We figured out we'd both had a crush on the other for a long time and the following 2 weeks were the best of my life. I was 24, and never had a relationship before, and I'd always believed that there was one person who I was destined to meet and be with and I had found her. I didn't just think I had, I knew, because she felt exactly the same way. We were compatible in every way, and I'd never felt that way about anyone, and neither had she. She said 'I love you' on that trip and I said it back, and we both meant it completely. After the trip we started a long distance relationship. We didn't make it official but we considered each other to be soulmates. We were fully committed to each other with no doubt in our minds that we would be together forever. She still wanted to take it slow so we decided not to make it official until we lived in the same city, which I planned on doing approximately a year later. During the long distance relationship, we had our ups and downs as every couple does but it was overall near-perfect. Our feelings for each other were so strong we'd casually talk about getting married and maybe having kids, about living together and all the adventures we'd have in our lives together. We even spoke about how it could be seen as too fast, but both agreed that we liked how close we had gotten in such a short time and how unique and strong our relationship was. After about 3 months of this, she realized she needed to not be in the relationship anymore, as she felt stronger on her own for the first time and wanted to give herself space until she was ready. It hurt but I understood, and I knew I had to give her the space she needed. She told me there was nothing she wanted more than to come back to me in a couple of years when she was ready, that she still loved me, that I was perfect for her and I had basically ruined every other guy for her. We even decided to still go on a trip we had planned in February (it was September at the time) as friends, because we both wanted to see each other and the thought of not seeing the other again possibly ever was too much. 3 months after that, we were still close friends but she told me she had started dating somebody else. I was shocked and so hurt and didn't understand what had happened because she never told me that her feelings about coming back to me had changed. She said she had changed so much in the last 3 months that she felt like a new person, and that when she looked back on the relationship we had it was too intense for such a short time. She thought it was too much that I was going to move to her city, even though it wouldn't have been for a year, and that I was already planning to move out of my city anyway for a fresh start, and picked her city so we could be together. She contradicted herself by saying about the new person that ''It's very very new and I still don't know where it's going, but he's here and I'm in a much better place than I was.'' I'm struggling to cope because I don't understand what happened to her feelings for me. I understand completely that the relationship was unhealthy and we took things too fast and ran our relationship into the ground, but our love was real. I know for a fact that her love for me was real, she genuinely believed me to be my other half, and that at the time of the breakup she wanted to come back to me eventually. But I don't understand how her feelings for me changed so quickly. How could she think I'm her soulmate and then about 12 weeks later not feel that way at all? She has told me since that she did love me, and she loves me now in a different way, and loves me so much as a person but that our relationship was unsustainable. I understand that it was sustainable but she hasn't mentioned a single thing about why she no longer loves me except that her 'feelings changed'. It's not a situation where she realized she never loved me that much in the first place, because I know in my heart that she did and she has told me so. So I'm struggling to understand the complexity of her loving me so much she wants to spend her life with me and simultaneously is able to get over me in a matter of weeks. I've never heard of that happening and don't understand how it could. I want to say that I loved her more than she loved me because I still feel the same and she doesn't, so the only rational explanation for her not loving me is that she never loved me as much as I did, but I KNOW that she did love me. I know it in my heart, just from being around her those 2 weeks and in long distance those 3 months, she loved me as much as I loved her. Which is what makes it so confusing that she doesn't anymore. I went on the trip in February to see her, and we got along just as well as we did back in June. About halfway through the trip, I spoke to her about some things and found out that she broke up with her new boyfriend after a few weeks because she doesn't have the time, and that she tried dating him because she wants to make connections to fill the gap college has created by running her into the ground with the stress. She's losing friends because she doesn't have time for them, and is worried that her career will send her down a path of choosing to be single because she can't commit to relationships. She said she was upset constantly about disappointing people, me included. I feel like I could be the person she wants as just being with her is enough for me and I'm willing to wait for her and let her have her career while still being there for her, but she doesn't see me in that way anymore, so I don't know how to convey those feelings without sounding desperate, or if I even should. Being with her on the trip validated the fact that she still loves me a lot and cares for me deeply as a friend, and still considers me her best friend. I consider her that too. I felt okay when I was around her, and started to see her as a friend and feel that it was enough for me, emotionally, and that I didn't need more. But since leaving her and coming home again I've been crying every day, having anxiety attacks and becoming increasingly sad for a lot of reasons. I still don't understand what made her stop loving me, and I can't help but feel like I just wasn't good enough for her in the end, which is bringing down my self esteem and confidence. I feel like we could have made the relationship more sustainable if we tried, and don't understand why she didn't want to give me a second chance. She says she just wants to move on with her life, so I'm conflicted about asking her again about her feelings and how they changed. I genuinely do want her in my life as my best friend, but at the same time I can't escape the feeling that I'll never stop loving her romantically, and will always regret not fighting for her in this time, even though I feel as though she doesn't want me to. I'm struggling to adjust from romantic relationship to platonic, and I'm experiencing overwhelming feelings that I'll never find anyone better than her, and never find anyone I was as compatible with and comfortable with as her, because I still believe her to be my soulmate, and I feel like I've lost the one chance I have at true love, because when we met it felt like nothing less than destiny. I don't know if I should ask her if we can talk about it again, or if I should ask her if there's any chance of a future relationship. I don't know how to get over these feelings, or if I even want to. I'm afraid that I'll never think of anyone else as my soulmate, because I know in my heart that it's her, and the crushing realization that I'll probably never end up with my soulmate is breaking me. I'm worried that if this is really the end, then how can I possibly have a relationship in the future with someone else? She is without a doubt my soulmate, so I can never call anyone else that, but how could I marry somebody who isn't? It's not fair to them. I also feel worthless because if I'm not good enough for somebody who considered me to be perfect for them, and they can get over me that quickly, then how could I ever be good enough for somebody else?
todreaminblue Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 sometimes...rarely i believe you feel an intensity for someone that doesnt...feel healthy.....it feels consuming......often its very physical and it doesnt seem to have logic at all attached to this intensity...reasons unknown for it......... there's this twin flame theory......separated flame.....and it doesnt have to be a partner thing...its a push thing.....these flames when they come together ....have a reaction ...and it can be to challenge each others growth spiritual or emotional .....once that has occurred ...one of the flames can move on..i tend to have these relationships...intense......and sometimes those flames i meet ...those i feel that connection to have helped me heal become more resilient although they were often really challenging relationships...make me question who i am and what am i doing...........the flames i have met...are male.....so our relationships often turn physical......by me mistaking the purpose of that person in my life.....and them making the same mistake...because there is that strong feeling on both sides....never had one not reciprocated......bar one......and i had to let go....got burnt......and its stinging like anything.... you have to let go......and you have to understand that no matter what you feel about soul mate ...it isnt reciprocated and so therefore needs to end....it may take you a long time to get over.....but you will....flames always do .....transfer......to where there's heat..and often that ..renewed flame soemwhere else .....helps healing.......i am also a poet so excuse my poetic license......but ..i understand the pain you have.....really well actually...letting go ...is the worst for a flame....you have to move on .....and heal...which could have been the purpose of this intense relationship to begin with.....give yourself time...and heal...you will heal......deb
Maldives Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 It's funny hwo we consider soulmates just that wen really it's a strong connection one of possible many in this life I was u wen I was 20 same thing took ages to get over til I met my next soulmate then the next 5 in total so far the most recent was the strongest in relating to each other but zero for suitability I had no kids she had kids too hard. U will meet another consider the distance the breaking point
Maldives Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Btw she exemplifies every typical female they r needs driven u gotta lot to learn about em don't keep putting up so high on a pedestal we r replaceable to them. My most recent ex 6 yrs use to go on and on and on about our special connection lol I knew better I've heard it before and lo and behold she broke it off only a monthn before telling me hown special and unbreakable our connection was don't believe the **** that comes out of there mouth. They r very feeling and emotional and r governed by there feelings well guess wat, wat they feel today they may or may not feel the next day for watever reason usually some bull**** reason no logic to em at all ie u dont make enough or ur too busy wth this or this is more important to u woman u will come to learn hav very high unreasonable demands im over em to be honet I couldn't careven less to get involved wth one for a long time. Anyway she showed u her true colours in the end her feelings r fleeting no matter wat u do sometimes u can do too much and they leave they know we need them more than they need us men they hav plenty of options and that's why that's wat I've come to learn about woman
hippychick3 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Don't ask her any more questions about the two of you. It will only make you less attractive in her eyes and push her away. She has moved on from any romantic relationship with you. You are now torturing yourself by being around her and remaining friends. This is why people go NC. You're not ready to be friends with her. The best thing you can do is heal by letting her go.
Trichrome Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Trust me you will have more than one soulmate and that's life. The next one will not step forward while you're still hung up on the last one though. And if they do you won't notice. Move on my friend. One day you will look back at this time in your life with a great clarity and wonder what the heck you were thinking holding on so long.
elhacedor Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. Personally, I do not believe in soulmates, or fate, and I find this kind of concepts quite harmful for relationships. I think the world is full of potential mates, and most of us find some great loves throughout our lives. This, of course, is not guaranteed. Some people find several significant loves, and others find none. The closest thing to soulmates are those couples who remain together for many years, always loving and supporting each other, and never seem to get tired of it. Lucky them. I know it's hard to listen this, but the girl you're talking about is not your soulmate, at least in that sense, because your feelings are not reciprocal. She said she loved you, yes. Maybe she meant it or maybe she didn´t. Throughout your post, you say several times that you "just knew" that she felt the same as you. The truth is you don't. I don't either, and nobody, except for your ex, knows. The only thing you can do is to look at the facts. She said she loved you, then 3 months later she left you, and then she started a new relationship. Sometimes the feelings just fade out as easily as they appeared. And sometimes people say things they don't actually feel. I am saying this because I have the impression that in your post you are looking for an alternative interpretation of her actions. Don't. Use Occam's Razor and go for the simplest explanation, even if it hurts now. Obviously, at some point, you stopped being perfect for your ex because otherwise she would have stayed with you. But that doesn't mean you are not "good enough" for future partners. I know it seems impossible right now, but I guarantee you that in some time you will no longer think that this girl was your soulmate.
hestheone66 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I was swept away by the intensity and genuine immediate connection with him. We planned to be together We were long distance We didn't pledge fidelity but we're in touch constantly He came back to my town with his new gf who "knew all about me" I was broken on more than one occasion with this but always felt eventually we'd together... After a few years and a few of his gfs later (and i also had a wonderful bf) I realised we are soulmates but not of the romantic kind. We're going away together next week and both excited...even his gf calls me his "soul sister" If you want her in your life maybe it's just not meant to be romantic...the initial spark you had was there before you met.. I do remember the very deep (deepest in my life) devastation when I realized it wasn't romantic though...
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