Arp1388 Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 About five months ago I met this guy through my workplace (We no longer work together but we used to). We started talking and it seemed like he was flirting with me. I developed some major feelings for him, but from what I could tell, he seemed like he was dating this girl who was working with us as well. He found me on facebook, and I found out that he was, indeed, in a relationship with her. From what I can tell, they have been together a long time--at least 2 or 3 years. Anyway, the flirting started to become more intense--he kept finding excuses to touch my arm or back, would lean over and whisper in my ear whenever it was a tiny bit loud, etc. He stopped acting at all affectionate towards his girlfriend when I was around. She would grab for his hand and he would take hers almost hesitantly. I found out that they don't live together. It almost gives me the impression that their relationship is not the greatest. I've seen him a few times around town and he has never been with her. He never talks about her, and acts weird when I say anything about her. He came to see a show I was in and brought someone else, not his girlfriend. We ended up at the same event about a month ago, and it was the first time we were alone together. He was flirting heavily, gave me his coat, kept putting his hand on my back when we were walking, etc. On Valentine's Day I received flowers at my work (like easily a 60-80 dollar flower order). It said it was from someone anonymous but I found out it was from him. I messaged him to say thank you, and he didn't react much. It was almost as though he had not wanted for me to figure out who they were from. Then today, I was on a date with someone else (because of course I did not want to keep waiting around on someone who was in a relationship regardless of how much I liked him). He seemed somewhat upset about seeing me with someone else, and has been pretty short with me since. I don't know what to make of any of this. I would never want to be "the other woman", so I have never done anything to remotely put myself in that position. I don't know if he is just playing games with me, but flowers that expensive don't seem like a great way of messing with someone. He left me a "clue" on the flower envelope that I haven't been able to figure out, but I haven't asked him about it in case I would just be feeding into this whole mind game. I'm not sure whether to bring this up, stop talking to him completely, or what. Any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 About five months ago I met this guy through my workplace (We no longer work together but we used to). We started talking and it seemed like he was flirting with me. I developed some major feelings for him, but from what I could tell, he seemed like he was dating this girl who was working with us as well. He found me on facebook, and I found out that he was, indeed, in a relationship with her. From what I can tell, they have been together a long time--at least 2 or 3 years. Anyway, the flirting started to become more intense--he kept finding excuses to touch my arm or back, would lean over and whisper in my ear whenever it was a tiny bit loud, etc. He stopped acting at all affectionate towards his girlfriend when I was around. She would grab for his hand and he would take hers almost hesitantly. I found out that they don't live together. It almost gives me the impression that their relationship is not the greatest. I've seen him a few times around town and he has never been with her. He never talks about her, and acts weird when I say anything about her. He came to see a show I was in and brought someone else, not his girlfriend. We ended up at the same event about a month ago, and it was the first time we were alone together. He was flirting heavily, gave me his coat, kept putting his hand on my back when we were walking, etc. On Valentine's Day I received flowers at my work (like easily a 60-80 dollar flower order). It said it was from someone anonymous but I found out it was from him. I messaged him to say thank you, and he didn't react much. It was almost as though he had not wanted for me to figure out who they were from. Then today, I was on a date with someone else (because of course I did not want to keep waiting around on someone who was in a relationship regardless of how much I liked him). He seemed somewhat upset about seeing me with someone else, and has been pretty short with me since. I don't know what to make of any of this. I would never want to be "the other woman", so I have never done anything to remotely put myself in that position. I don't know if he is just playing games with me, but flowers that expensive don't seem like a great way of messing with someone. He left me a "clue" on the flower envelope that I haven't been able to figure out, but I haven't asked him about it in case I would just be feeding into this whole mind game. I'm not sure whether to bring this up, stop talking to him completely, or what. Any advice is appreciated. Can you distance yourself from him? When he flirts you could say something like "it's very unattractive for you to be flirting with someone else than your girlfriend" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arp1388 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 I can to an extent. I know I'm going to have to run into him occasionally though. I haven't said anything to him yet because I didn't want to be rude about it or show that it was getting to me if this is some kind of mind game on his end but I don't know if that's what this is. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Well, you didn't put an end to it when he first touched you. He tried, you slipped. When he sent flowers, you should not have called him and on top of it , said thank you. Of course he is taking these as you are open to his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 It's simple. Tell him you know he has a gf and you don't want to get involved so please knock it off. Put him in his place as this has already turned messy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 He's a cad. You thanked him for the flowers. If you see him & he tries something tell him you are not interested because he has a GF. Tell him when that changes to come find you & if you are available you might go out with him. Until then act like he doesn't exist. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arp1388 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 He's a cad. You thanked him for the flowers. If you see him & he tries something tell him you are not interested because he has a GF. Tell him when that changes to come find you & if you are available you might go out with him. Until then act like he doesn't exist. Yeah, I'm more confused now because he changed his relationship status today. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him seeing me on a date yesterday. Now it is says he has no relationship information to show, but hers still says they are together (granted she is not on it often, so she may not have updated it yet). Ugh! I've had strong feelings for him--stronger than I have probably ever experienced for anyone before--for months, but I don't know if I could date someone if this is the way he normally behaves with his girlfriends. I don't want to end up in her situation. Then again, maybe they have just never had the best relationship and it wouldn't be the same between us. I don't know, but I do know that the person that I'm dating now is a good guy. I don't know him that well yet, but I can say with reasonable certainty that I wouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing with him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Give your head a shake....this guy is a dawg. It doesn't matter if their relationship was bad or not....having issues it not his ticket to buying flowers for another on Valentine's day, and follow them around like a lost puppy....ew just ew. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 You need to stop worrying about what that guys likes or doesn't like. He's just a jackass. He sent an employee flowers hoping she'd know it was from him but his girlfriend didn't find out. He's got NO right to be a jerk now that he knows you had a date. He is bad news. Honestly, I'd probably have reported him by now, mainly AFTER he acted like you dating was any of his business. I guess he full expected that a bouquet of flowers was all it took to get in your pants, even though he's taken. So that's how much he respect you -- not at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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