Brokenmech Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Hello, I am looking for advice. My mom passed away last May and I moved out of my house go live with my elderly dad to become his carer. Over the next couple of months my neighbor across the road kept coming over to also make sure my dad was ok and was cooking for us to make sure we had decent home-cooked food. In that time we talked a lot about different things and I got to know her well, we get on and have formed a friendship. She is single, has one daughter and her last partner (whom she left many years ago) was abusive. A few times she has come over here and when things get her down we have hugged and I kissed her on the cheek a few times. She has a really good heart and I have gone from liking her a lot to really caring about her and having feelings of love. This has come out of the blue because I really was not looking to be in a relationship with anyone. I also adore her daughter and would do anything for her, her dad (the abusive guy) does not want to play a part in her life which I feel bad about. I don't know how to proceed from here, do I tell her how I feel? I'm afraid it will scare her away and I don't want to ruin the friendship we have. I don't know if she even feels the same but I am getting little clues she may. The other day she asked me "why do you worry about me?" and I responded "I just do!!!". I'm not sure if she wants me to tell her or really has no clue. Do I wait it out and see how it progresses? Any advice would be great. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 I don't think you can assume she is favorable based on what she said "Why are you worrying about me?" She could just mean it's odd that you are doing so. All you should do (and yes you will be risking friendship) is just call her and ask her on a date. Do you know if she has been dating? It's not easy when you have a kid. If you ask her and the kid, then she doesn't have the excuse of not having a babysitter, but if you do invite the kid, she won't assume it's a real date. So you have to either decide to remain friends (is there anything going on not related to her caring for your dad? Social visits?) or ask her on a date, just her, but be prepared to include the child if she says that is the reason she can't. which might put her in a position to go when she doesn't really want to, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenmech Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 hi preraph thanks for your response... As far as I know she has not been dating anyone, as you rightly say it's hard when you have a young daughter. She does call over just to be social and talk with me, she asked me what's my favorite food and cooks it for me which is very nice of her. I will say she was good friends with my mom it could be she feels sorry for me and cooks me food "like mom used to make". I don't know maybe I'm reading into something that's not there, you tend to do that when you really care for someone I guess. I'm not sure about asking her for a date I might be making a total fool of myself and spoil our friendship. I think I will just leave this ride and if anything happens then it happens. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I think I will just leave this ride and if anything happens then it happens. Amazing how often we see our problem "on paper" and we can answer our own question. Your advice to yourself is exactly what I would tell you. Let the friendship develop. If it goes farther, then great. if not, you still have a friendship. Asking her out may get a date, but if she says no, or does it without any long term interest, then you will lose a friend possibly. Wait and see. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Fox Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 What are you waiting for? Ask her out Man! You only live once and if you don't act now then she may find someone else soon. Then all you will be left with is a lifetime of regrets! Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Sorry for your loss. Be very careful in something like this. There are a lot of possible land mines. 1. The fact that you have been through a loss Are you attracted to her because subconsciously, you see her as a replacement mother figure? She visits you and cooks for you. Think about it. 2. You moved and are taking care of your dad Both of those huge changes can send your mind adrift in different directions. 3. She is your neighbor That will make the situation very awkward if things go bad. Also, I am curious to know the age difference between you two. If it's pretty wide, that could be another warning sign. Link to post Share on other sites
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