Sent pic of a girl interested in me to my girlfriend after fight

[cre8r]

Out of frustration and a last resort, I had texted a picture of a very attractive woman(Susan) I dated last year to my girlfriend. Susan is in love with me, however I love my girlfriend. It was after an argument on the phone in which she hung up on me that I had texted her the picture. The argument was over her decision to spend time with her family on her allotted time off instead of me.

 

Every year she gets 4 months off in which she spends with her brother half the time, her sister the other half. She has done this for the past 6 years and each year I probably see her 8 days during those 4 months. I've been trying to get her to go on vacation for quite some time, she likes the idea but there's always an excuse to decline when the time comes. I planned for her to come to my father's funeral 3 months in advance, when the time came, she wouldn't take 2 days to go because she said she had to stay with her elderly mother. Four other opportunities over the years, she's made last minute decisions to change her mind. We've never had the opportunity to spend any significant time together alone and really cultivate the relationship.

 

In addition to this issue, the relationship has been somewhat turbulent and I dated a few women last year. As I was dating, I told her I was losing hope as she never cares to resolve issues that are important. One of the woman I dated and broke up with told my girlfriend about all the women I was dating. My girlfriend was upset, (I told her I was surprised that she was upset because of her aloof attitude), so we resolved the issue and picked up where we left off. However, things haven't changed and there's no compromise on her part. I've stayed in contact with Susan, she's a physical trainer and constantly gets hit on, she wants to move in with me but I'm not feeling it and I don't want to encourage her.

 

My girlfriend is not in good physical condition, overweight, but I love her. Because of the physical contrast, I'm concerned about her being hurt by it, but my reason for sending it was to show her other women are interested in me, as my girlfriend prefers to be with her family. In retrospect, it was a ****ty thing to do as I was emotionally charged at the moment. She hung up soon thereafter. That was 5 days ago, the longest we haven't contacted each other during the 6 year relationship. I know the logical solution would be to move on.

 

I'm just looking for thoughts, encouragement, discouragement, anything to help me cope with this sad situation.

Edited March 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Simple Logic]

Past time to move on there amigo.

[Space Ritual]

Nothing says "I want to wok on things and compromise" like sending a picture of a hot chick to you girlfriend.

 

To say what you did was foolhardy is an understatement.

 

Reread you post. You have listed countless ways you have been disappointed in the relationship. But there are always 2 sides to the story.

 

At any rate I would not expect to hear from her anytime soon unless it's to tell you to leave her alone. Which you probably should.If she is self conscious about her weight what you did by sending that pic signals that you aren't really attracted to her. This is something you pretty much can't come back from. And she'll never fully trust you ever again.

 

You've crapped the bed on this one. Just stay out of contact with her.

[road]

The issue is not the photo

 

 

The issue is that she will not put you first

 

 

Dump her for one that will

[anduina]

It sounds like her insistence on spending time with her family has two reasons. Time away from you and time spent with her family.

 

How much time do you spend with her during the other eight months?

[lolablue17]

The issue isn't about frustration or anger or action you do in the hit of the moment. The isuue is the way you deal with this frustration.

 

According to my view, I might forgive almost EVERYTHING that was done or said in a hit of a moment, as long it was done or said INSIDE the relationship. Sending a pic of another girl is an action OUT of the relationship.

 

If my gf\wife would send mi a pic of a guy who interested in her, this would be the last moment we're together. I don't allow those kind of things. If you're facing out of the relationship, go a head and leave.

 

You're a grown up, you must take responsibility for your needs, motivations and actions. If you don't like her staying with her family, break up with her. A matter a fact, that is what you did. Sending this pic was actually a break up message.

[hippychick3]

It sounds like you should have already moved on before you even sent the picture. It doesn't sound like you even had much of a relationship.

[d0nnivain]

Your problem solving skills need work.

 

 

I'm sure your GF found that picture both immature & hurtful. If she's willing to get past that what are you going to do about the other issues? Are you still dating other women? Are you willing to stop & see your GF exclusively?

 

 

Have you talked to her about not seeing you for 4 months? Unless her mother's condition was gave & unexpected, IMO she should have gone to your father's funeral with you. That is huge for me & not something I could get past.

 

 

It doesn't sound like your relationship is al that solid on any level.

[cre8r]

I discussed my past dating situation with my girlfriend, I told her that I would break up with her before I would date anyone else again. I have the opportunity to do that now, but I'm sticking by my word and any date would just be a rebound and not an emotional solution. Sending the picture was a last ditch effort in letting the pieces fall where they may. Nothing else has worked, she's never been a "partner" to resolve problems, everything ends up in a fight as much as I try to keep everything calm.

 

Also, I live 800 miles away from her and go there about every other month. I started out living there for the first year but gradually spent less time there due to the rough relationship. One incident that really stung was a birthday party where a guy she was once attracted to was invited by her (she said her mom invited him), as they sat across from each other, you'd think they were a couple and I felt like a third wheel. Afterwards, I was ready to hightail it 800 miles back home but she cried and pleaded and said it was all in my mind. However this was a guy she once loaned $10,000 dollars to and they had "kissed" once when she was married, "didn't" enjoy it, and thinks of him as a brother. I think I was pretty objective observing the birthday party incident and it's still bothersome although I suppress it.

 

So in my effort to get her attention, I sent the picture, confused about what's real in this relationship. When someone says they love you and their actions say otherwise, you don't know which to believe.

[cre8r]

Also I might add that playing the "Prince Charming" role doesn't work. I first knew her in high school and liked her then, thought about her often until we met again years later. I expressed my "like" to her, a few months later i was the first to mention love and she reciprocated. From that time on, I've kissed her behind, everything from painting her family's apartment to getting a good company interested in her for employment (as she complains about the job she has now) that she refused, solving her computer issues where she works now, cleaning her house, mowing her lawn, the list goes on and on.

 

On the other hand, when you're aloof and somewhat unobtainable, as I was with the women I dated, because I love my girlfriend, you see how women put forth a greater effort in a relationship. It's unfortunate but I experienced it playing both Prince & Player.

[preraph]

Yeah, it really sounds like you love her. You dated other women last year, you don't want her to spend much time with her family, and you think she's not in shape and wanted her to know some woman who is in shape was interested in you. Please reverse that situation and see how you'd be feeling.

 

Truth is, it doesn't sound like she's all that into you and can no longer get excited by someone she can't even begin to trust.

 

Why would she attend a funeral for your family when you are jealous of the time

 

Have you gone with her to be with her ailing mother?

Edited March 7, 2017 by preraph

[cre8r]

Preraph, she took her mom in to live with her. Over the years I've cooked for them both, washed and folded their clothes, paid for their meals, hotel rooms, changed her mom's flat tire and brake fluid, driven her mom to her friends house, entertained her on many days, painted a portrait of her late husband, taken a back seat to her daughters attention, I could go on and on.

[basil67]

She's not much interested in you. So you react in completely inappropriate ways. Wouldn't it have been smarter to move on with her years ago?

[elaine567]

Where does her family live?

Some cultures are all about family.

[SevenCity]

Preraph, she took her mom in to live with her. Over the years I've cooked for them both, washed and folded their clothes, paid for their meals, hotel rooms, changed her mom's flat tire and brake fluid, driven her mom to her friends house, entertained her on many days, painted a portrait of her late husband, taken a back seat to her daughters attention, I could go on and on.

 

Since everyone is saying what you did wrong, I want to point out what you did right. Brake fluid is hygroscopic and should be changed every two years without fail. Many people are unaware of this

 

But, I have to ask why you are in love with this girl. She'so far away, out of shape, and is not there for you (missing a funeral is a huge red flag).

 

What was your childhood like? Did your parents not show you love? I ask this because it could be a reason why you are attracted to a girl who doesn't make you a priority.

 

Why aren't you feeling the hotter personal trainer who wants to move in with you? What's wrong with her?

[cre8r]

Thanks SevenCity for noticing. Primarily I really liked this woman in high school, so much so, that I nominated her for homecoming queen. I often thought about her through the years and to have landed her years later was a dream come true for me. Also to answer your psychological part of the question, I don't doubt my parental relationships have something to do with my attachment to her. Also, what I'm trying to explain here is that I sent the picture to show my girlfriend someone was interested in me, the "hotness" of the woman wasn't the primary reason for sending. After being taken for granted and trying to make things work, the thought was that I have nothing to lose.

 

The irony of this is that Susan should be the "dream come true", she has the stars in her eyes, would do anything for me, concerned about my well-being and would do anything to be with me. But it's the person my girlfriend is that takes precedence over Susan.

 

As a few here have mentioned, I need to face the fact my girlfriend has low interest and it's time to move on. It's been 5 days, the longest I've gone without contacting her.

[preraph]

Then you're right she should have tried to go to the funeral unless it was going to make her boss mad at work.

 

But the rest, I just don't think she could have any trust and doesn't sound that invested. I'm sorry.

[aileD]

Here's what she heard when you sent her the pic of Susan:

 

"Here's what I COULD be getting but INSTEAD OF THIS HOT CHICK, I'm choosing to be with your fat and annoying ass so you better stop complaining and start appreciating me."

 

Listen. It's over. Her family comes first and if you were important enough she would take you with her to see her family. But you're not. And you don't care enough about her to NOT intentionally cause her pain by sending thst pic.

 

This will never work. Move on

[smackie9]

You don't think very much of yourself if you keep chasing someone who has totally different priorities, and expectations. You are not compatible...so stop beating this dead horse of a relationship and move on.