My husband pushed me to the ground

[Clare]

Hello. I am a newlywed and have been with my husband for 4 years, living together most of that time.

We love each other a lot but we have always had a volatile relationship. We've been working on improving our communication and getting better.

But last night we had an awful fight which folllowed the old pattern of our fighting. Him asking me to shut up, me continuing to talk. He then got very angry and called me names and told me to f*ck off.

I have learnt to normally back off. I didnt last night though. I insisted he say sorry.

He kept telling me to shut up and to leave him be, and to F&ck off .

I kept asking him to say sorry until he eventually said "this is your last warning"

I said "or what? I will not be intimidated by you"

He then said "oh yeah?" and grabbed me by both arms and pushed me hard. I crashed backwards into the back corner of the lounge and then onto the floor. He shoved me with such force.

I have a bruise coming out on my bottom and it hurts to squat because the pain is in the muscle.

 

I sat on the floor and cried for ages. He ignored me and started to vacuum (we'd been cleaning house together).

I cried and screamed and said he'd crossed the line. I felt a bit hysterical and he grabbed me and shook me and told me to shut up. I kept crying. Then he held me, hard by the arms and told me I had to shut up.

I did. I went out for a drive and sat in the car and cried and cried.

Later we talked, because I asked if we could.

He said he was sorry, but mainly he was still angry and told me how what i did was just as bad...pushing him to a point where he snapped like that. I admitted I had been at fault too and said Iwas very sorry but that I didnt think what I did was as bad as him shoving me the way he did. I told him it hurt to sit on my bruised bottom.

I told him he couldn't justify that behaviour..but he kept on saying what I did wrong...and saying he knew he was wrong..BUT...

 

Later I told him I wanted to stick with our marriage in spite of what happened and that I loved him. He was still angry and said he didnt care whether he was with me or not.

That hurt me very very much.

We've been having a good time lately...few fights. He said that doesnt outweigh how bad he feels when we have a bad fight.

I asked if he was ashamed of what he'd done to me. He said no. He said considering the circumstances it wasnt that bad.

I cried more and went to bed. I even tried to hug him and say again I wanted to work it out.

He told me not to touch him.

It's now 3am. I am awake and crying. he is asleep. I dont know what to do.

I love this man and he said he loves me still.

I know this is bad.

I cant get him to see how bad what he did was though, because he is so focussed on how much I pushed him.

Please help with advice ....

[Teag]

If he doesn't think what he did was bad then he'll do it again. My dad use to beat my mom & step mom & one of my best friends is w/ a man that beats her & they ALWAY apologize afterwards but always do it again. I would be careful, I understand you love him but no one deserves to be in that kind of relationship. If it happens again I would take that as a sign to get out & fast, especially if you have kids, you don't want your kids to see that, they'll think its ok to be treated like that or vice versa. I grew up watching it but luckily I didn't follow in that pattern, I had a boyfriend that I was with for 2 years & he hit me one time while we were fighting & I left & never turned back. That was 5 years ago, I loved him SO much but I saw what my mom went through & I wasn't about to let that happen to me. Just please if you think this will ever happen again leave or it will get worse. Good Luck.