When it comes to relationships, what's more important? Love or Respect?

[Chilli]

Yeah right.

Then to me, if you don't love each other it won't last. You'll lose all interest in the end if you don't love someone.

And if you don't respect each other then one or both will probably end up treating the other like sh@t at the very least but both things would also cause many other things to in the end.

 

So to me these 2 things at least are the basic necessities .

Edited March 8, 2017 by Chilli

[Got it]

Both are vital in a relationship to last. While they can wane short term, if removed completely then the wheel falls off the wagon.

 

Respect is what turns love from a noun into a verb.

[VeveCakes]

While I do see where you're coming from, I'm not sure if that's entirely true. There are many instances in relationships where people cheat but they end up staying with the person anyway because for some reason they just can't seem to break up with them. I feel that if they didn't love them anymore it would be fairly easy to break up with them. Basically they love the person, but for some reason they don't respect them enough to not go behind their back. Idk. If you feel my outlook on this is wrong feel free to say so.

 

If they cheat they do not love or respect the person whatsoever.

[ZayKayWill]

If they cheat they do not love or respect the person whatsoever.

 

Nah not always true. Definitely don't respect the person, but they can still love them. It took my brother 3 years to break up with his girlfriend. Doesn't make him going behind her back ok, but yeah. You can still love someone and just not know how to work on stuff/end it altogether.

[VeveCakes]

No, you can't sorry. Lies, betrayal, is not love. Nor can you know if another person has loved someone.

 

Infactuation, attachment, co dependency, fear of being alone.... sure.

[ZayKayWill]

No, you can't sorry. Lies, betrayal, is not love. Nor can you know if another person has loved someone.

 

Infactuation, attachment, co dependency, fear of being alone.... sure.

 

It's not that simple honestly. I had the same viewpoint as you but love gets complicated. I have another friend that just got out of a 6 year relationship and from what he says the last 4 he can't remember a day where she wasn't all uptight or demanding. He didn't cheat as far as I know but idk. In my mind I can't see why someone wouldn't rather be single than with an abuser. You gave some good reasons but anyone can easily be replaced with another human being to have all those needs met (that you mentioned) you know?

[rushed]

Sometimes just understanding these differences is good.

 

 

Thinking about this more, I'd say that love is what you feel for a person. Respect is shown in how you treat them.

[Springsummer]

ZKW,

Here's my 6 penneth.

 

My exH said to me, after the divorce " I love her (OW) more than I've ever loved you, but I respect you more." Make what you will out of that.

Mind you, as I've said in other posts, he was a consummate liar and wordsmith, so maybe we shouldn't set too much store by it.

 

I doubt if you ex knows what real love is. Maybe he actually meant infatuation or/and lust, attachment?

 

To answer this question, maybe we need to know for sure what love and respect really are?

[Got it]

Nah not always true. Definitely don't respect the person, but they can still love them. It took my brother 3 years to break up with his girlfriend. Doesn't make him going behind her back ok, but yeah. You can still love someone and just not know how to work on stuff/end it altogether.

 

I think one needs to break down what they are constituting as love when someone has betrayed them. I think you will find that for most it is a mixed bag of other obligations, etc. that are keeping them there, less of being in love. If one has much self love it is in juxtaposition of their own self respect/self love to then love someone who has treated them in such a fashion.

 

I am not saying they aren't feeling anything but love would be a struggle. I would question your brother was not dealing with a healthy form of love for his girlfriend and struggled with self love to stay for three years but only he could answer that more indepthly.

[carnelian]

This is sort of like asking which is better a hug or a kiss?

 

Both all the time, always.

[WaitingForBardot]

If they cheat they do not love or respect the person whatsoever.

As someone whose (previous) SO strayed but have not myself, this is not necessarily true. I suppose it could be a semantics issue though, dependent on how you define these terms.

 

As to the original question, I think the more important one is the one you're not getting in any particular relationship at any particular point in time.

[carhill]

I'm honestly not even sure how you can separate the 2.

 

Yep, I'd align with that opinion. However, how one draws and enforces boundaries in such matters does have impact on relationships. Too liberal and one can become a doormat; too rigid and one can end up existing alone, all else being equal. How much opportunity/BoTD and at what cost or value? Individual decision and results.