Relationship issue [I can’t see myself marrying her the way things currently are]

[sandylee1]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you and your family find some comfort during this difficult time.

 

Loosing a loved one is never easy and it's very fresh right now.

 

Take care of yourself.

[BettyDraper]

*hug* My condolences for the loss of your father.

 

Be very careful about interacting with your ex.

 

She could use your vulnerable state to weasel her way back into your heart.

 

Have you told the attorney about your loss?

 

If so, what was her response?

[djoner]

*hug* My condolences for the loss of your father.

 

Be very careful about interacting with your ex.

 

She could use your vulnerable state to weasel her way back into your heart.

 

Have you told the attorney about your loss?

 

If so, what was her response?

 

Hey BettyDraper.

 

My mother said the same thing you said regarding using my vulnerable state as a way back in ALMOST verbatim as you did. My ex and her mother was at the funeral yesterday and went with the family to bury him and has been nothing short of supportive.

 

My ex has been calling to check on me and she exchanged phone numbers with a few of my family members and friends of the family at the funeral. As she was leaving, She said she's here if I needed her and said to also call her if i ever want to get a cocktail sometime. She gave me a sympathy card with $100 inside.

 

As far as my new friend ( the attorney), she never got the chance to meet my Dad, but shortly before he passed, he was encouraging me to move on with her. He liked the pics I showed and liked the fact that she's an attorney. She sent me alot of encouraging words and said she's praying for my family's strength and told me to be strong. I have no doubt she would've gone to the funeral if I had asked her to, but I didn't want to create an awkward situation for me since I knew my ex would be there.

 

Truth is, I'm not feeling like going backwards right now with my ex. I feel we already have gone down that road and plus, I'm interested in getting to know the attorney right now. I feel bad, seeing my ex is being so sweet and considerate, but it is what it is.

 

She called me tonight to check on me and see how I was holding up. I thought about her tender offer about a cocktail AS FRIENDS sometime, but I think I might be sending mixed messages.

Edited August 26, 2017 by djoner

[Whodatdog]

So sorry about your loss. You've had a tough year.

 

Be careful with too much communication with your ex. She has a manipulative side, we've all seen it.

 

Hope you're able to find some comfort, you're Dad sounded like he really cared for you. Sounded like he wanted the best for you.

[SummerDreams]

I'm sorry for your loss. I suggest you focus on keeping yourself busy with work and whatever else you have that you like. I hope you feel better soon.

[BettyDraper]

Hey BettyDraper.

 

My mother said the same thing you said regarding using my vulnerable state as a way back in ALMOST verbatim as you did. My ex and her mother was at the funeral yesterday and went with the family to bury him and has been nothing short of supportive.

 

My ex has been calling to check on me and she exchanged phone numbers with a few of my family members and friends of the family at the funeral. As she was leaving, She said she's here if I needed her and said to also call her if i ever want to get a cocktail sometime. She gave me a sympathy card with $100 inside.

 

As far as my new friend ( the attorney), she never got the chance to meet my Dad, but shortly before he passed, he was encouraging me to move on with her. He liked the pics I showed and liked the fact that she's an attorney. She sent me alot of encouraging words and said she's praying for my family's strength and told me to be strong. I have no doubt she would've gone to the funeral if I had asked her to, but I didn't want to create an awkward situation for me since I knew my ex would be there.

 

Truth is, I'm not feeling like going backwards right now with my ex. I feel we already have gone down that road and plus, I'm interested in getting to know the attorney right now. I feel bad, seeing my ex is being so sweet and considerate, but it is what it is.

 

She called me tonight to check on me and see how I was holding up. I thought about her tender offer about a cocktail AS FRIENDS sometime, but I think I might be sending mixed messages.

 

I find it rather creepy that your ex gave her phone number to some of your family members. I believe that she will try to get back with you by using close relationships with your extended family. Give her back the money, please. She's trying to butter you up. I know I might sound paranoid. However, your ex is a very manipulative woman and you need to have your guard up.

 

My opinion is that it is too early for the attorney to meet your family. You just started dating so it's great that you didn't ask her to the funeral. Be careful that you aren't getting too caught up in this lady's profession and looks when assessing her as a potential partner.

 

Thank your ex for the support. There's no reason to go out with her as friends for at least a year. She is clearly still trying to get back with you. When a relationships end, trying to get close to an ex's extended family is weird and unnecessary.

[djoner]

Well, I went on 2 dates with her since my father passed which has almost been 4 weeks. I've kind of slowed down. I'm pretty depressed.

 

 

Give her back the money, please. She's trying to butter you up. I know I might sound paranoid. However, your ex is a very manipulative woman and you need to have your guard up.

Thank your ex for the support. There's no reason to go out with her ssary.

 

Actually, I gave her money (more than what she gave me) last year when her father passed. But we were still together then.

[springy]

I am sorry for your loss DJ.

[hestheone66]

I assume you mean you've been on 2 dates with ex, not the solicitor (note to others, this is why dating someone who's just out of LTR is difficult as you're not healed, and you pine for familiarity).

 

I understand grieving is tough when you're on your own...maybe the drama of your ex is soothing compared to the grief you're processing..I understand turning to an ex for familiarity....but, please recognise that going backwards is never a way to live life...life is forging ahead, new adventures...and now with the recent loss of your father (my sincere condolences btw), you're most probably also reflecting on how short life is.

 

As your father's loss is recent, you're likely grieving, which is distinctly different from depression. It is a process and you will have good days and bad days.

 

Try not to turn to your ex.. she's using your vulnerability to her advantage. If she really loved you then she would stay away and let you process both losses rather than add to the emotional turmoil...as love is sacrifice without self interest..

 

Good luck and know we're here for you..pm me if you'd like..

 

QUOTE=djoner;7412763]Well, I went on 2 dates with her since my father passed which has almost been 4 weeks. I've kind of slowed down. I'm pretty depressed.

 

 

 

 

Actually, I gave her money (more than what she gave me) last year when her father passed. But we were still together then.

[djoner]

I am sorry for your loss DJ.

 

Thanks springy

 

I assume you've been on 2 dates with the ex, not the solicitor.

 

Actually I haven't seen the ex since the day of my Dad's funeral. I've been on dates with the attorney I had been seeing, not sure of a solicitor.

 

She's a cool girl and I was actually excited about dating her before my Dad passed. Now, I've kind of changed. I don't really feel like the same person anymore. It's like I can't remember anything. I can't remember some things she's told me. I feel i kind of lost that edge that I was giving off when we first started dating. I told her that these last 3 weeks have been a fog for me, but she seemed to understand.

Edited September 16, 2017 by djoner

[MJJean]

Solicitor is UK speak for lawyer.

 

I am truly sorry for your loss. My mother passed 21 years ago this June. It's a wound that never truly heals, but you learn to accept and take comfort in memories. I wish you peace and healing. May your father rest in God's peace.

Edited September 16, 2017 by MJJean

[AMarriedMan]

My opinion is that it is too early for the attorney to meet your family. You just started dating so it's great that you didn't ask her to the funeral. Be careful that you aren't getting too caught up in this lady's profession and looks when assessing her as a potential partner.

 

OP's new GF being an attorney could also turn out to be a negative in case she proves to be as messed up as his ex. A crazy woman who happens to be a qualified legal professional sounds dangerous. A non-attorney crazy person could also use the law as a weapon but that would take some deep pockets.

 

Thank your ex for the support. There's no reason to go out with her as friends for at least a year. She is clearly still trying to get back with you. When a relationships end, trying to get close to an ex's extended family is weird and unnecessary.

 

True.

Edited September 17, 2017 by AMarriedMan

[djoner]

Hello LS.

 

Been a little while since my last visit here. Been going through a rough last few months. I was seeing the attorney for about the 1st month since my Dad passed, even shortly before he passed.

 

It was beginning to feel like things were moving too fast. She was always around and wanting to do things and there were just times I just wanted to be alone and grieve. I was not ready to let her see me letting out tears and being depressed.

 

I told her about 2-3 weeks ago that I needed a little time to process things and get used to this new normal. I told her that i didn't expect her to wait around but told her i would be staying in contact. I just pretty much told her that i wasnt feeling like i could give her the best of me right now. She was pretty understanding although I kind of feel like I may have been a missed that opportunity because it was bad timing.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Soo many others to find happiness with. Be absolutely sure you are in a good place to have another in YOUR life to share it with. When you are ready, you will see that there are plenty of good ones out there that enjoy good guys and exactly what you are looking for. Best of luck.

[BettyDraper]

Hello LS.

 

Been a little while since my last visit here. Been going through a rough last few months. I was seeing the attorney for about the 1st month since my Dad passed, even shortly before he passed.

 

It was beginning to feel like things were moving too fast. She was always around and wanting to do things and there were just times I just wanted to be alone and grieve. I was not ready to let her see me letting out tears and being depressed.

 

I told her about 2-3 weeks ago that I needed a little time to process things and get used to this new normal. I told her that i didn't expect her to wait around but told her i would be staying in contact. I just pretty much told her that i wasnt feeling like i could give her the best of me right now. She was pretty understanding although I kind of feel like I may have been a missed that opportunity because it was bad timing.

 

I'm glad that you were honest with the woman you were dating.

At least you didn't string her along. That takes maturity and character.

If you're meant to be with a woman nothing will be able to keep you apart.

I've seen couples break up for years only to end up engaged.

[djoner]

Thanks for the replies...

 

I just feel so confused and like I'm going crazy. I keep having flashbacks of my Dad. He was a real fun loving guy. He had his flaws but meant the world to me.

 

I met up recently with the ex to give her back her passport that accidently fell in my luggage during the trip this summer. Hadnt seen or spoke with her since my Dads funeral in August. She lost her Dad last year so she was pretty sympathetic.

 

Right now, I still can't believe it's already November and I was just talking and laughing with my Dad in August 3 days before he passed. Now it seems like I'm having trouble moving forward.