Ali7 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 My boyfriend sent me a text last night that was meant for a friend of his and his male coworker. The text said, " How did it go today!?!? I hope you're giving each other celebratory road head." I was really surprised when I read this text. This is not the type of guy that I thought he was, and it was a real blow to the way I view him. We are dating long distance and there is a lot of about him that I don't know yet since we haven't spent a lot of physical time together. His response was that guys just joke around like that to each other. Are ALL guys like this? I really hope that there are a decent amount of guys out there that aren't. Why is it so hard to find men that have wholesome qualities!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 His response was that guys just joke around like that to each other. Are ALL guys like this? I really hope that there are a decent amount of guys out there that aren't. Why is it so hard to find men that have wholesome qualities!?!? Instead of saying ALL GUYS, let's say most people. Most people are not strictly puritanical, which is what it seems that you mean by wholesome. Most people can talk about sex, joke about sex, wish their buddies success in love and sex, and talk about sex openly with their partners. Most people do not consider the mere mention of sex to be shameful or taboo. It seems that your perspective is very narrow, perhaps shaped by a puritanical upbringing where sex is a shameful topic. You might want to consider the possibility that it's your attitude that is unusual rather than the fact that your boyfriend made such a comment to his buddy. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Uhhhh... what? Now the guy isn't "decent" because he talked smack with a fellow dude? C'mon now. And when I saw your thread title I thought the text must've been about him wanting to sex another woman or something. Gosh. What next, is he "unwholesome" because he used a swear word in a conversation with his male friend, too? Are you extremely religious or something? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Yeah, wow! I'm sure that you have your reasons but you seem really sensitive to his "buddy" conversation. I'm a little concerned for him now...sounds like you may not give head... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ali7 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about him not getting head. Its funny how people think that just because you have certain standards when it comes to how you speak and conduct yourself that you can't be a sexual person in private. I am pretty sure that when you think of a Catholic School Girl, like all guys, you think of 'hot" sex. Just throwing that point out there. I don't think swearing is that becoming of men or women. Regardless of your comments I don't think I need to lower my etiquette standards. I did grow up in a Mennonite household so I do have more Puritanical views on self conduct. It doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humor. If I don't think that dirty humor is decent it just means that I don't have the anything goes attitude that I guess a lot of people seem to have. Edited March 7, 2017 by Ali7 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 A reminder: Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective. Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances.Thank you, ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Well, then, if you grew up in a Mennonite household, then yes, I think you will find the vast majority of American men (heck, and women) will not conform to your ideas of wholesomeness. Most will curse and swear, on occasion at the very least. Most will talk about sex, and speak crudely with their buddies. Now, many guys will HIDE this from you, but to find a guy raised in a conventional household, who isn’t vulgar on occasion with their male friends….. well, he will be hard to come by. Have you heard the stuff that the president of the United States has said? Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Maybe you need to find someone raised in a religious community like yours, or from a different culture? It's 2017, all you have to do is tune into any prime time comedy show or listen to a radio show, to hear how raunchy our society has gotten. The most popular board game for adults is probably cards against humanity which a game of making one horrible raunchy joke after another. I don't necessarily think you should compromise your values. But I do think you should really consider what is really important within your value system. I'm not sure if him casually joking about other people having sex should really be the hill you die on when meeting someone and judging their values. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 This is part of getting to know someone and seeing if they're compatible with you. A few off color jokes to a friend doesn't mean that he's not a decent person, and you're not being fond of cruder language doesn't mean you're puritanical. As you become better acquainted, focus on how he treats people. Does he talk this way to you, knowing that you don't like it, or behaves towards people in demeaning ways? That I wouldn't tolerate. If it's just the way that he jokes with certain friends, and he isn't a foul mouth in general, I'd be less likely to make an issue of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I work in a male dominated environment as as soon as my coworkers are out of the office they all talk like that to each other. I agree with the previous poster that most men hide this in the presence of women. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 If you're going to adhere to your Mennonite values, then you will probably have to be with someone with the same values -- and that is very few guys. Both men and women talk crap like this to each other. It's not meant to be seen by anyone else, of course. I'm afraid it's pretty normal. Always remember you don't really know someone until you've been dating face to face for a few months and sometimes even longer because they're no their best behavior at first. But I don't consider this bad behavior, just silly guy talk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Maybe you should only date Mennonite men, then? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 I don't think swearing is that becoming of men or women. Regardless of your comments I don't think I need to lower my etiquette standards. I did grow up in a Mennonite household so I do have more Puritanical views on self conduct. It doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humor. If I don't think that dirty humor is decent it just means that I don't have the anything goes attitude that I guess a lot of people seem to have. It comes down to what you can tolerate and if this is a deal breaker in your relationship. With that said, as long as he isn't saying that stuff around you, then you can't tell him not to say stuff like that to his friends. That's controlling and not fair since he has a different sense of humour than you (nothing wrong with that either) so try not to make him feel bad or less of a man/person for using foul language or joking around about sex. As long as he's respectful and kind to you, treats you well that's what you can try to focus on instead of his humour and language with his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 The text said, " How did it go today!?!? I hope you're giving each other celebratory road head." Excuse me please, may I ask how are you familiar with the expression "giving head?" I'm not an natural english speaker, and until my 30th I wasn't familiar with this definition. I also heard about the expression BJ only in that period. In my language you call that by different expressions. So, I suspect if a decent woman hangs out in an enviroment that she knows all that stuff. And if it's not too rude, are you against only talking like that, or also against doing it? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 ...or also against doing it? The OP already answered that question. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Everyone has standards, everyone has deal-breakers. Finding out a person is not who you thought they were, is hard. No matter how many may pooh-pooh the idea, this man has gone down in the OP's estimation by his coarse talk and that IS going to be difficult for her to get past. She is entitled to her opinion and perfectly entitled to pass him by and go and try to find a man who does meet her standards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Yes, she is entitled to uphold standards. But finding a man who doesn't occasionally talk crudely with his best friends will be even harder than a man finding a virgin to marry in his 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 I thought she was more concerned if he and his buddies actually go down on each other or maybe I'm mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 (edited) The OP already answered that question. You are right. How did I miss the fact that she was actually saying the forbidden expression in front of strangers in a public forum, but still thinks it's inappropriate to say it to a close friend. Edited March 9, 2017 by lolablue17 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Yes, she is entitled to uphold standards. But finding a man who doesn't occasionally talk crudely with his best friends will be even harder than a man finding a virgin to marry in his 40s. Heck, even finding a WOMAN who never talks about sex or uses the occasional swear word would be rather difficult. I dunno, but I personally think that this is a terrible priority when seeking a partner, because most of the genuine, caring, independent, REAL people I know do swear or make sexual jokes occasionally. And in fact, the few I know who don't, would all make terrible partners - they live with their parents in their 30s, are somewhat dissociated from reality, and live in a sort of fantasy world. But eh, it's the OP's choice... Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Heck, even finding a WOMAN who never talks about sex or uses the occasional swear word would be rather difficult. ...and in fact, the few I know who don't, would all make terrible partners - they live with their parents in their 30s, are somewhat dissociated from reality, and live in a sort of fantasy world. Yea, life tends to include thoughts of sexuality. The more mature and realistic we become the more we have to acknowledge that... the Victorian era was an anomaly. Why is it so hard to find men that have wholesome qualities!?!? Because their genes tend not to proliferate. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 If the threadstarter wishes for more feedback on this issue, please use the "Alert Us" button to contact moderation. Thanks, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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