Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 (edited) I had 4 month long, long distance relationship w/my ex. Pretty much throughout the entire relationship, he put in a really lazy effort w/me just as the rest of his life. I always undervalue myself in the relationship and even though I can do so much better, for some reason I miss my loser of an ex. He broke up w/me because I started to ask for a little more attention. Idk why I do this to myself. My ex was younger then me, no steady employment, always completely broke, overweight, no serious ambition/goals and generally just lazy. I really did love him and he always said I deserve better, that I'm out of his league etc. Why do I feel like I lost out? I have a degree, a professional job and my looks are pretty good. Feels like I was dumped out like trash because I was too much effort, btw we did not have sex or anything. He said I was an amazing girl and deserved someone better, that I was the 1st genuine person he had ever met and I had done things for him that no one else had ever done. Edited March 8, 2017 by Ilovelifeforwhatcome Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Because you loved him and imagined a future with him that never came to be. That's what makes LDR breakups hard even though people undermine them. You'll always be left wondering what could have happened as you were imagining what life would be like if you had an in-person relationship. I had the same situation. My ex and I were great for like 4 months. Met in person. She left out that she has PTSD and completely changed to hating the hell out of me and treating me like garbage. I don't fault her for that, but if you have a serious mental illness you should... you know.... tell the person. She broke up with me 3 months after my visit. Broke my heart and put me though hell. Then you meet someone in person that isn't a terrible person and the thoughts eventually fade away. My advice - get out and explore reality. The local world. Find someone. Start off as being friends (not really dating or entering a relationship) and see where that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted March 8, 2017 Author Share Posted March 8, 2017 Because you loved him and imagined a future with him that never came to be. That's what makes LDR breakups hard even though people undermine them. You'll always be left wondering what could have happened as you were imagining what life would be like if you had an in-person relationship. I had the same situation. My ex and I were great for like 4 months. Met in person. She left out that she has PTSD and completely changed to hating the hell out of me and treating me like garbage. I don't fault her for that, but if you have a serious mental illness you should... you know.... tell the person. She broke up with me 3 months after my visit. Broke my heart and put me though hell. Then you meet someone in person that isn't a terrible person and the thoughts eventually fade away. My advice - get out and explore reality. The local world. Find someone. Start off as being friends (not really dating or entering a relationship) and see where that goes. We did meet in person and yes I plan on finding someone local. I guess the thing that hurts is he has a pattern of losing connection in relationships, he didn't tell me this until he was breaking it off. He was able to disconnect from me well before, so it prob didn't hurt him as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 How often did you meet him in person? You said it yourself, you're a much better person that deserves better. Being the dumpee is hard no matter what. Even if he lost interest, it's still hard on dumpers. Maybe he's not as sad *now* but eventually the roles do get switched, especially if you were the one trying to make things work and weren't the problem. From your opening post it seems you see a lot of flaws in him that you likely can't get past, so being with him would eventually lead you to this point unless HE changed, and unfortunately people have to change on their own. It's the common case of wanting what you can't have. You miss him because he broke up with you. It sucks. I should have broken up with my ex, and you should have broken up with this guy. It will hurt, but eventually you will meet someone that has a job, has a life, and doesn't have nearly as many flaws and you will find that happiness with someone. But first you need to find that happiness in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted March 8, 2017 Author Share Posted March 8, 2017 How often did you meet him in person? You said it yourself, you're a much better person that deserves better. Being the dumpee is hard no matter what. Even if he lost interest, it's still hard on dumpers. Maybe he's not as sad *now* but eventually the roles do get switched, especially if you were the one trying to make things work and weren't the problem. From your opening post it seems you see a lot of flaws in him that you likely can't get past, so being with him would eventually lead you to this point unless HE changed, and unfortunately people have to change on their own. It's the common case of wanting what you can't have. You miss him because he broke up with you. It sucks. I should have broken up with my ex, and you should have broken up with this guy. It will hurt, but eventually you will meet someone that has a job, has a life, and doesn't have nearly as many flaws and you will find that happiness with someone. But first you need to find that happiness in yourself. Its more that he was too lazy to value me and actually care about me. I did quite a lot for him. His break up lines hurt me even more. The biggest flaw was laziness as he was extremely lazy w/everything he did for me. I have been the dumper as well and I know how that feels. My feelings for him were real. Link to post Share on other sites
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