Tamika Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 I have been married for 14 years and in those 14 years I have been involved in an emotional affair with a married man on and off for 10 years. I need to end things with him...I have tried so many times and each time I find myself back there again. How do I end this once and for all? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Counselling is good. You need to ask yourself why you have been talking with and relying on another man for 10 of the 14 years you've been married. What is it that you need that you are not getting from your husband? Or has this relationship simply become a daily habit, an online friendship? And then, if you want to end it, just tell your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Good for you I hope you follow through with all that. He deserves to know the truth so he can make a decision for his life. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 have you read some of the advice on affair recovery.com? Sometimes that helps to let you see some different views. the EA is like a drug. you have to stop like you would smoking or drugs. It is not easy. One way to help, would be to tell his wife. How would you feel if your H was talking to someone else for 10 years? Sometimes that could destroy your relationship, but by keeping this secret and building a wall between you and your husband, you have closed off part of the your relationship. So your marriage has suffered. Marriage does not work well with 3 people and or the OM's wife would be 4. One thing to help your H would be to write a timeline of the EA for him. That way he would have the truth. Do you still care about your H? To your H, most of your marriage will be a lie. Good luck on stopping, that is so hard. To stop it, either tell his wife or take away the communication tools. Change your number, get off of the part of the computer where you Skype or email. Do you have children? What do you get out of this fantasy relationship? Time to open up to your H rather than the OM. Start protecting your H. you should have his back and he should have yours. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 If you are communicating only via email or social media , I don't think it's that big an issue to stop. Get rid of all that online stuff. Delete his numbers and whenever you get an urge , use that moment to connect with your husband. You need to stick it out before everything explodes. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 (edited) Why isn't your husbands validation enough for you? You have hurt your husband terribly, all that's left to do is tell him the truth. He still thinks he has a good marriage, poor guy doesn't know that his wife is in love with another man. Your affair has tarnished your entire marriage together. Instead of building a stronger bond with your husband you have been cheating him of his matrimonial rights by giving what is exclusively his to another man that you brought into his marriage. You have broken your contract to him. Don't continue to cheat him by keeping the truth from him. A marriage built on lies is nothing but a lie. You've known for 10 years and he is just about to find out, your about to rip his heart out for selfish reasons. Your marriage is at a terminal place and you can't even pull the plug on the man that is helping you destroy it. Everyone you love and that love you will be affected, your husband, your children, your siblings, parents, all of your friends, all will be hurt. If the thought of the look on your husbands face when he finds out isn't enough to get you to stop your affair then you don't deserve your husband in your life. Book an appointment with an independent counsellor, have the counsellor present when you tell your husband. Ten years is not an affair, ten years is a whole other life. Edited March 8, 2017 by aliveagain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 I have been married for 14 years and in those 14 years I have been involved in an emotional affair with a married man on and off for 10 years. I need to end things with him...I have tried so many times and each time I find myself back there again. How do I end this once and for all? Tell your husband. When you see his pain and despair you won't want to go back to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamika Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Thank you everyone. I am seeing the counselor tomorrow. I've taken heed of all your advise... Link to post Share on other sites
Anakin Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) Hi! How did your therapy session go? Have you gained any insight? From what I've gathered and in my own experience, a rock bottom helps to put things in perspective. Even with a rock bottom and even without, a real personal want to, a desire, must come from within. I think only then can you put your mind to overcome something. You'll have to learn to sustain yourself through the transition in letting him go and ending it once and for all. But with a little courage you can do this. 10 years is a loooong time and you must feel like you're in super deep. But if you look at it for what it is, how fake and unimportant he is. I mean he's cheating with a MW what does that really say about him and if we are honest you as well..But it appears you have one foot out the door here and need something to convince you to cut the chord for good.. hmm, only you can convince yourself of this. Confessions aren't easy, terrifying emotions there. But if you are serious about continuing in your M, it would do your BH and the M some good. A lot of good. Maybe not immediately but it will. To rebuild an M after infidelity it always needs to be on a foundation of honesty. Anything else isn't real. Never will be. And the M will always lack the intimacy it could achieve. An yes you can even achieve this after infidelity. I wish you luck here. The only life worth living is an authentic one. Edited March 27, 2017 by Anakin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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