Betrayed by wife and brother??

[bubbaganoosh]

Where is your wife now? Is she still in your home? If she is I would tell her to pack it up and leave

 

Then go find a good lawyer, file and never look back. You don't have kids so that's a good thing.

 

Don't have any sympathy for your mother and sister. What they did was way below the belt. Tell them as of now that they don't exist in your life any longer. The earned it, deserve it, and own it.

 

Same thing for your brother. If you any intentions of doing bodily harm to him, think twice. He has you mother, sister and no doubt your wife on his side and if they stooped this low to have the affair with your families blessing and helping them, then bet the house they'll lie through their teeth to protect them.

 

Sooner or later their going to regret what they did and that's when they'll feel the pain.

 

Get rid of your wife. Unload her now. That's the only way you'll be able to heal and move on. Best of luck to you.

[HanGoesSolo]

One of the worst things I've ever read

 

Get some support around you. Friends, other relatives, anyone who will have your back. Don't shell up and retreat to a hole. Get active, get to a gym, stay busy. Keep moving forward even if you have to fake it for a while, fake it till you make it. I would expose this to any other relatives you have and all their friends. Your family needs to feel the shame of what they have done to you.

 

Good lord. I don't even know you and I feel like I need to to take you out for a beer or three (or ten... Eff man!) Although it's probably best to stay away from alcohol at the moment to be honest.

 

Keep moving, stay strong. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[gettingstronger]

My dad passed away in 2008.

 

Ok, I'm super confused- Bittersweet and Hatebreeds- whose thread is this?

[Bittersweet90]

Time for a reset button. Attorney first, job search next. If you're on the west coast move east or vice versa. Start a new life. Never accept an apology from them.

 

This is wrong on so many levels.

 

Not sure which hurts the most

[Justinsparky82]

How do I deal with this ultimate betrayal by my brother and wife? She confessed to this last night,they even went so far as to involve both my SISTER and MOTHER into aiding them in hiding this 2 year affair with my wife. We have been married for 8 years, and dated for two. My brother is single and with no kids, so he has nothing to lose. We don't have any children at the moment

 

Every time I even think about her AND HIM, much less talk about her and my family, I am over-come with violent thoughts about THEM.

 

 

Any advice please??

 

DAAAAAMN!!! .WTF!!! I hate to say this but that would be the first time that I would EVER cuss my mother out.

[Justinsparky82]

How could your mother even look you in the face everyday and knowing what was going on for two years??

 

Actually hurt my heart like hell reading that.

Disown them ALL°°

[merrmeade]

I feel "wow" when I read your story - especially the mom and sister helping - but mine is pretty bad, too.

 

My brother had a stroke and had to live in a nursing home, so my husband started helping my sister-in-law over several years. I was working overseas a lot, and my husband was feeling estranged (though he didn't tell me). Our children suspected but didn't say anything to me. When I found out, my husband seemed relieved to confess. We did not tell my brother as he was bedridden and helpless. We were older and able to move away and cut off ties with her completely.

 

It made it worse that my SIL had become critical of me and, after I found out, twisted whatever I did or said into making me the villain. It's the one thing I haven't gotten over, but I'm not nearly as obsessed with it as I was before I finally was able to cut ties (after my brother's last memorial service).

 

I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. I can tell that you are still in shock and not sure how to react or think. You seem confused and dazed about how you should be treating your family members who also betrayed you as well, e.g., feeling bad about telling off your mother. I think I was also like this - WAYYYY too nice to SIL/OW (I even apologized to her for making her angry when I suggested she was too close to my husband.)

 

I agree with what everyone is telling you because a double betrayal like this is just SO hard to get over, quadruple if you count the sister and mom. You say that no one here is giving you specific advice, but they are. It's normal to have difficulty thinking in an organized way right now. Remember you have been severely traumatized in one of the most damaging, unreal of situations by MULTIPLE family members. These were the people that are supposed to make you feel safe and loved, the main people you trusted to protect you, not hurt you. This is the worst, most harmful kind of injury, and you MUST take steps to get what you need to take your life back. Think of it as a physical injury that will kill you if you don't get the right kind of help and do the things you need to get well. The main thing is to put yourself first and find loyal people you CAN trust.

 

Here's what I advise you to do:

First of all, get a lawyer and do what s/he says. This person must be on your side and will give you the very best advice to protect yourself. Regardless of what you end up doing, you need a lawyer to advise you right now.

 

Second, you have no reason to apologize to any of them or feel guilt, and, if you do, you will squirm with that regret later. Remember that you did not cause this, and you have every right - and it's perfectly normal - to be angry and "cuss them out." Just forget the guilt about your mother. You do not need to decide if and when you might forgive them right now. The point is that they are toxic to you right now. You don't need to explain all this, but you do need to surround yourself with only people who care about you that you can trust.

 

You can write the brother, sister and your mother a brief email or letter, saying not to contact you until you are ready. They know, but SAY that what they did was thoughtless and cruel and has devastated you, and you need to be with people that care about you. Any perceived damage to the family is on them, not you, and already done. Also, you hope they will not act to hurt you further by their actions and conversations with other family members.

 

Third, try to gather family and friends that you trust around you, people who are outraged on your behalf and will fully have your back and check on you. Just drop and avoid anyone who begins to criticize, blame or advise you to forgive wife, sister or mother. That will be your decision at a time that you are ready. That is not help that you need right now. They are not on your side if they even suggest you're responsible for holding the family together. But you do need someone. Remember: put yourself first.

 

Fourth, get professional help if you possibly can. You need someone good who knows about infidelity and the trauma experienced by the betrayed spouse.

 

Now, I don't have any advice about the wife because you haven't said much about her. So that will depend on a lot of things. For now, I would include her in the no-contact group until you can sort out what you want to do.

 

So that's my two cents: Get help and stay away from those who have hurt you.

[Giacomo67]

merrmead advised you pretty well! Very very well!

 

So I will fill out the advise about your WW.....

Dont even bother to ask the why's and the were's... after having talked to the lawyer have him draw up the D. papers and get your WW served. When and if she ever pleads just ignore. Ther is no way you can get over this, you may forgive but i can garantee you that you will never forget.

I have a feeling that your brother is considered the favorite in the family, and that they were justifing the A. cause in love. So that brings me to ask how was your relationship with your WW in these 2 years? Never give you reasons or suspicions? What made her confess?

 

After having her served take a vacation for at least 1 week far from all, it will help to get your head straight. But it will be important to shut off your cell.

[merrmeade]

I have a feeling that your brother is considered the favorite in the family, and that they were justifing the A. cause in love.

I hope this is not true, but if it possibly is, please try not to let thoughts like that pull you down. Remember that parents have a duty for LIFE to protect and convey unconditional love to each child. If they had just one, that would be their job. That was your mother's job. I'm so very sorry you have been so hurt by your own mother.

 

I said before it's not time to talk about forgiveness, and it's not. But because this sad idea has been suggested, I just would like to put in the back of your mind a possibility for the future:

 

It WILL be your call if there is ever a reconciliation with any of them, but you can think about that and the fact that it is within YOUR power to do that one day. Until then, you will find love and loyalty again—and certainly should now in the form of friendship and support.

 

You are worth it and deserve to do whatever you need to feel better. You are not responsible for any of this.

[doyathinkso]

Ok, I'm super confused- Bittersweet and Hatebreeds- whose thread is this?

 

 

Looks like he has 2 usernames with basically the same background and the same story. Trouble is he uses ages of 27 and 44 and has different birthdays?

Edited March 9, 2017 by doyathinkso

[merrmeade]

oh man, I hate it when I spend so much time and sincerity caring about someone.

[William]

Got a report on this (thanks!) and I'll queue it for one of the mods to take a look at and close it up in the meantime. Ah, looks like the dupes were banned by someone. i'll leave the responses for now and thanks to those who made a sincere effort to help....