crazy-head Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I have known my b/f for 16 months, we have been in a relationship for the last 10 months. We're both in our 30's. He treats me so well, he takes me out frequently, he buys me gifts & cooks me dinner, he tells me he's so happy and feels lucky to be with me without me asking first, he texts and phones me almost every day, we spend maybe 2 nights a week together at each other's houses and usually 2 weekends a month together, he is ok with me leaving like toiletries and underwear at his house, in fact he washes my underwear if i leave it at his place! He is ok if i phone him anytime, at home or work day or night, all his friends know about me, he says he's thinking about moving closer to where i live (we're a 40 minute drive apart right now) We met on the internet and he has since removed his details from the website where we met, when i asked why, he said cuz he's found what he was looking for and he's not looking for anyone else. He says i'm perfect. He refers to me as his girlfriend. So why do i feel suspicious about something? On the weekends we're not together he says he's visiting with his folks or his brother (they are not local & i have not met them although he says they know he's seeing me & we can go visit with them together whenever i like) He does still phone me on these weekends but he is always alone in his car when he does, he says it's cuz he can talk more openly when we're alone on the phone and no-one is listening. If i phone him on these weekends his cell phone is always switched off (although he usually switches it off when he's not at work) I looked at his cell phone maybe 3 months ago (sneaky i know) and there was a text message from a girl, it was not a name he had mentioned although it was a nickname. The text was just general stuff but it ended "love you lots" and in another from the same person she referred to him as "babe". I never mentioned the texts but i asked if he was seeing anyone else and he said no, he didn't seem shifty when i asked, he seemed puzzled. So here's what my crazy head has imagined - My "perfect" boyfriend has another girlfriend who he spends occasional weekends with? Or it could just be that - My "perfect" boyfriend spends time with his family. Big deal. My "perfect" boyfriend had texts from a female friend who calls everyone babe & tells her friends she loves them. Big deal. My last boyfriend lied and schemed and cheated for 2 years. Has my previous boyfriend ruined my faith in men, or am i right to feel suspicious? Link to post Share on other sites
seagirl Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Do not punish your boyfriend for the sins of another! Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I know exactly how you feel. And it's soooooo hard not to feel suspicious when you've been cheated on before, and there are blocks of time with a new guy that you don't see. That's the problem with snooping.....what on earth do you do when you find stuff you can't easily explain? You have a couple of options here. You could come clean about snooping on his phone (apologize profusely -- tell him that you still have trust issues which prompted you to snoop in the first place) and just ask who the text messages were from and hope he'll tell the truth. You could hire a local private eye to check out what he's really doing when he's not with you. Or.....and this will take a lot of willpower......you can try to trust what he is telling you when he says that he's found what he's looking for in you and isn't looking elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 No more snooping...it just isn't good for YOU. Instead, ASK HIM. If you are truly close and loving, then you can let him know about your fears, and ask him to let you know the truth. You can also ask to come along on a visit to his family. If he hems and haws, gets angry, finds a long list of excuses, or says that you're crazy, then I'm afraid it's bad news. It's a sad fact that even though he appears genuinely loving and devoted, he may not be exclusive. He could be having 2 nights a week and 2 weekends a month with another girl...like you said. He could be just as sweet with her. She might be getting everything you're getting. Also...how many grown men go on weekend-long visits with their parents and brother TWICE a month? That's not bad, but it is way out of the norm. That alone makes me want to know more... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy-head Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Just a little update to my original post... I confessed about snooping and apologized. He was very understanding and didn't get mad. He explained what the text was all about and it made complete sense. He even said he was sorry that I got upset. As for the weekend visits with his family? Well, he suggested we go together. This man's a keeper! Thank-you for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
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