I did one of the few things I detest, I cheated on an amazing girl and relationship.

[remorsefulguy]

I really don't understand that how could you not know that flirting with others while in a relationship is a big NO and you went too far ! If your ex gf was doing the same thing with another guy or some guy was doing this to your ex gf and she was enjoying it, would you still believe it to be acceptable? No I guess.

 

If you are feeling the way you are , then the only way you can come out of this rut is to get her to talk to you again and start all over.Most likely she won't.If she does, then grab your balls and turn her world upside down, in a good way,lol. Devotion is the only way to redeem here, IF she gives another chance ( most women won't).

 

I understand your reasoning. I lied to myself, and etched away at my boundaries little by little without truly admitting it. Thought I was doing no harm because I wasn't giving in to it in the slightest for months, thought I was too 'good' a person to do that but didn't realise that a man would have cut her off completely not hung around the fire, I took myself more lightly with time and then ultimately made the worst decision(s) of my life.

 

I'm still trying to unravel where I lost myself, I'm still trying to unravel why my rational side didn't overrule me and make me put my gf first instead of my needs during boredom/lust. I know I don't deserve forgiveness, if she gave me a chance to redeem myself then I would be eternally grateful. Deep down I know I wont get one, I took her for granted and myself for granted and the consequences are grave, never again. A man wouldn't have done this, I have a lot of growing up and soul searching to do. If I pester her, I'll only be disrespecting her more, she said if I care one bit, I'll never speak to her again. I'm so torn, we only spoke once in person, I couldn't explain anything when she was so upset. I sent her a long letter, but who knows if she read it or just threw it away.

Edited March 14, 2017 by remorsefulguy

[CloudyHead]

Yes, you cheated. You've acknowledged that you did so and there are consequences to cheating. In my opinion, your relationship is over. There are two things for you to do at this point: learn from your mistake and forgive yourself. You will be put in this situation again in your life. At some point, you will be happy with the person in your life and not attracted to shiny objects. You are very young. Take time to learn, forgive and focus on you and your education and career. Take a break from relationships.

[mikeylo]

Yes, you cheated. You've acknowledged that you did so and there are consequences to cheating. In my opinion, your relationship is over. There are two things for you to do at this point: learn from your mistake and forgive yourself. You will be put in this situation again in your life. At some point, you will be happy with the person in your life and not attracted to shiny objects. You are very young. Take time to learn, forgive and focus on you and your education and career. Take a break from relationships.

 

Cheating is cheating, no matter how one puts it !

 

OP, you are remorseful, that is good but you will never be able to understand the hurt and pain you caused your ex gf.

 

Maybe you didnt have good role models? or you could be a selfish lover? That is why two people are called a couple in a relationship. Only 2 people in it.

 

I'm sure your ex gf is pretty and hot and other guys hit on her. Did she slip?

The thing is that hot people get hit on everyday.They get used to it but real moral values come when they take it in stride and not give in to it.The desperate , shallow people get carried away.

[smackie9]

Adjust to normalcy smackie9...no normal person ****s up this bad. Frankly, I just feel filthy and so insanely stupid, I don't know how I could ever feel normal after betraying someone. Will this always hang over my head/heart in shame and regret, I think so.

Good lord mate, you just don't know.....billions of people have gone through what you are right now, and more will in the future. It's part of life. S$%^ happens because life happens. You won't be talking like this a month from now.

[remorsefulguy]

Thank you everyone for all the advice and support. I needed to hear it all, I'm hopeful that her and I come out of this as better people, that's all I hope for.

 

Mikeylo, I am remorseful, I am going to do everything it takes to be a better person, not only having better 'judgement' of how to handle girls when I'm committed (i.e. not being a dumbass playing with fire and slowly becoming a full blown cheater) but also addressing the problems, insecurities and more within me that allowed me to put myself before my partner so selfishly/ignorantly. It's tragic that such a functional relationship was destroyed by something so pathetically immature and selfish, I had it my way for too long, and have to deal with the consequences.

 

As for not knowing the pain, I was cheated on too in my first relationship (physical stuff my ex-gf did), I forgave, we moved on together and lasted 2 more years. My father had a long term physical affair, it was devastating but my family made it. The fact that I know this sort of devastation should have made me more cautious and empathetic, but honestly, I fell trap to my own 'good nature' and lied to myself about being vulnerable to this stuff. I have so much personal growth to do on an emotional level.

 

I don't truly know the magnitude of the hurt and pain she is going through because everyone is unique and I have been shut out, but frankly, having been cheated on myself, and knowing my gf inside and out, I can only imagine how terrible it must feel to her, and that makes me sick to my stomach. It's indescribable. My actions were extremely an un-empathetic, but I still strive towards the ideal of being an empathetic human being and at least now I know I'm very far from perfect. I really made bad choices. I'll forever regret hurting another innocent human being so ignorantly and will always be willing to re-earn that trust in any shape or form. In taking your advice about devoting myself to her, I can't, because I'll get arrested or get a restrainting order. If she lets me back into her life, then yes, I will be infinitely grateful and devoted!

 

I can only take action now like you said, I told her of all the changes I'm making, steps I'm taking (counseling (already started), reading about infidelity and boundaries, and standing ready to respond if she ever decides to speak to me again). This will always be a part of my past, but I'll do everything to ensure it doesn't define who I will be. I will be a safe partner, I will strive for nothing less. Moving on from her truly? I may never move on truly, she was a remarkable human being and in my gut, I think the fact that I blew it with such a keeper will always be the punishment I carry with me.

Edited March 17, 2017 by remorsefulguy