mortensorchid Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Just today I got an IM from a Facebook friend. I've known him for a while, he is the former bf of a former friend of mine. The situation was odd to begin with ... He was going out with my former friend who I will call Sally. Sally was/is 16 years older than him, who I will call Frank. I thought at first they were just having a lot of fun together, then they moved in together. I never said anything about their being together, I try to stay out of people's relationships. Sally got pregnant at age 44 and had the baby, she and Frank stayed together for another 3 years then broke up (they never got married). Frank said he was tired of her nonsense and her sneaking around with her shady ex husband going out to lunch with him and bringing their son with as he didn't want his son around her ex husband. I knew from the beginning this was not going to work out, but it is what it is. Sally and I are now former friends because I think she thinks that I had a thing for Frank. Frank used to work at a restaurant near me, we got to chatting and once or twice after he got off work we would go out for ice cream or meet up for dinner. Nothing happened, I promise all on the forum here, but she ceased all communications with me and blocked me. About a year and a half ago, I was out one night sitting at a table with three people, she came up to say hello. She hugged all three of the others around the table, then walked away from me. I was hurt that she was so mean, but I got over it. If she was going to do that then she wasn't a good friend to begin with. I haven't seen or talked to her since and it's been over a year with me and her. Done. Today, out of no where, Frank sent me an IM. He said he was wondering how I was. I told him of what had happened between me and Sally when it did over a year ago, he said he thought she was dumb but he was done with her. Soon after our outings, Frank met his new girlfriend. And he had two more children with her. He and that girlfriend broke up three months ago. He said he was hoping we could get together, because he's attracted to me. I froze over that. Is he a good guy? No not exactly. He has three kids by two different women (neither of which he married), doesn't have it all together. I think he's looking for a rebound to be sure. I told him I have a boyfriend these days, even if I didn't I wouldn't be too excited about being with him in that way. I'm not interested because of these facts about him. I fully expect him to one day meet another woman, have another kid with her, and then once it's done he'll move onto the next one to take care of him. What do I do to tell him I'm just not interested without being cruel? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 You say no thank you plainly & simply. Yes, that is rejection & he may be hurt but it's not cruel. Say Gee Frank I'm flattered. Thank you but I don't think we're compatible. Do not go into detail about why. Just say no thank you. If he persists, you say, I said no thank you. Please take no for an answer. If you continue to pester me, I'm going to sever all communication with you. Then do so if he continues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 He will just go after your friends. It's too bad you lost a friend over it. She knew how he was and that's why she didn't appreciate one of her friends being at all involved. I was that way with one guy. My friend kept trying to get his number and I told her I didn't need one extra thing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) Frank said he was tired of her nonsense and her sneaking around with her shady ex husband going out to lunch with him Sally and I are now former friends because I think she thinks that I had a thing for Frank Haha, sounds like Frank keeps getting the short end of the stick. Is he to blame? Arguably, sure, he's picking them, right? I mean, anyone with half a brain could probably magically know that one of his girlfriends was meeting up with her shady ex husband, and the other more recent girlfriend girlfriend was cutting off friendships with no directive from Frank himself!!! Did he even know about that? /sarcasm I mean, any attraction you'd have to this guy shouldn't be based on his past, right? We all want to preach about how the past is the past and should be left there, especially if it's not even really his fault. I mean, if you're not attracted or remotely interested in him, just say so. I'd go as far to assume that he probably would respect a straight forward answer as it seems his previous experiences have been anything but! Edited March 10, 2017 by DrReplyInRhymes typo Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I think you are kind of attracted to him. otherwise, who has the time of the to answer question about someone she has no interested? if he is a nice and sensitive guy, then maybe he is worth the time, but apparently this guy is not worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 What do I do to tell him I'm just not interested without being cruel? Tell him in plain terms and without hesitation. Nothing cruel about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted May 6, 2017 Author Share Posted May 6, 2017 I am not attracted to him. He was my friend, I was friendly towards him but I was never going to even consider doing anything other than be his friend with him. I am not vindictive, I would not have sex with him (or anyone else) to get back at another person for wronging me. Sally (the former gf / baby momma) is just plain ignorant, but so are others who may or may not witness me and him together should we be seen together. That's why I will not see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Tell him you don't date exes of your friends, even if they're not your friends anymore, and that you have other things going on anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Nothing beats a polite but firm no. Atleast he will know where he stands rather than being in limbo or holding on to hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 This all sounds like you need better friends. Woman to woman, don't have dinner and ice cream with your 'friends' bf....baby daddy, whatever. Now that he is sniffing around you, you know why she was pissed. It sounds like you have him pegged. He is not the kind of guy to give attention, lest you end up being the one wondering about your friend's loyalty. Agree with all posters, tell him no and rest assured that he won't have his feelings hurt...he'll move on to another 'ignorant/stupid' woman, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 And out of no where today, he sends me an IM asking if he could see me. I responded with a simple "NO". End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
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