Nur Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I am wondering where the line should be drawn on gentlemanship and chivarly these days. With the dying of Chivlarly that the present culture seems to encourage, it's getting rare for guys to open regular doors, nevertheless car doors. I would expect a boyfriend of mine to show courtesy of opening doors and giving me his coat and even pulling out chairs at a restaurant, and my current boyfriend runs around and opens the car door for me as well, before I get out. It's really sweet, and I am appreciate that he's being courteous, but doesn't there come a point in the relationship where they stop doing this? I am wondering when that is, since you never see married couples doing it, for example. It's rather impractical, having the guy go all the way around the car. Little gestures like pulling out chairs and opening regular doors don't require much going out of the way, and can be sustained, but I feel kind of bad whenever I am about to get out of a car and he zooms around to open the door. Does it eventually evolve into a special-occasion formal-only thing? And is it originally just a first-couple-of-dates thing? It's all pretty confusing to me.
alphamale Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 when getting ready to leave the proper gentleman should open the car door so that his lady can enter the car with ease. when arriving at the destination the proper gentleman should do nothing and let her exit the vehicle herself. he should then open the door for her at the said destination, be it a restaurant or bar or home or whatever.
soccorsilly Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 It should NEVER end. With that said, I do not open doors in ALL circumstances. Always when getting INTO a car, but when getting out of a car it is usually when we are dressed up and having a special occasion. I will walk around to her side, but by that time she usually has opened the door herself and I merely close it. Building doors--ALWAYS. Two exceptions --- revolving doors (she needs to go at her speed and in first) and bathrooms. I will do the stand thing and holding a chair but if she has a bladder problem it will get old quickly. If she is wearing a jacket I will always help her on with it--in hopes that I can help her out of somethign later (no wait, I promised I would be good in another thread). If he wants to zoom--let him. But on the other hand, I would also not just sit there like a princess waiting for the door to be opened. You might find yourself alone in the car with your BF inside.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I open car doors and doors in general for all the women in my life .. including my Mom and Sisters I do think that there comes a time in a relationship that it just makes sense to not go open the door for her though.. ie: you are coming out of a restaurant and her door is farther away than yours and it's raining .. or you leave the keys in the car and use the keypad on your side to open hers.. It's all relative to the kind of relationship you have though..
Curt Posted July 25, 2005 Moderators Posted July 25, 2005 Hey, I think that it's entirely fine if ya don't want the door opened for ya. But... If ya don't see the need, let him know ... save him a few steps. Imagine a rainy night when he feels compelled to open the door ... he's getting soaked for no reason if you don't really care. I would imagine that many couples do tend to reduce in displays of chivalry as they get older. To be honest though ... I dunno if it's a good thing or a bad thing. What are your thoughts as a woman? Curt
alphamale Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly Building doors--ALWAYS. Two exceptions --- revolving doors (she needs to go at her speed and in first) and bathrooms. actually SS....ms. manners says that men should go into the revolving door first. mainly cause some of these are hard to push and heavy and if the man goes first he can do the manual labour and she can get in right after him and not have to exert herself.
Sounobvious Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I wouldn't expect a guy to open a car door for me... If a guy did.. I may think he's trying to hard.
soccorsilly Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Well I usually will gently push from behind if needed. From a security POV, it makes more sense for the lady to go first. Besides most of the newer revolving doors are automatic anymore. You need to go to the wierdes place you have ever had sex post. You input and wisdom is needed!
alphamale Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly You need to go to the wierdes place you have ever had sex post. You input and wisdom is needed! naah....the bdrm is fine for me.
blind_otter Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 My lesbian best friend opens doors for me. I just sit there or stand there until the door gets open for me. Honestly they should know by the time they are grown men what to do and what not to do. My BF joked when I was visiting him that I actually opened the door for him once. I was out of it, I forgot... hehehe.
phyrespryte Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 It's really sweet, and I am appreciate that he's being courteous, but doesn't there come a point in the relationship where they stop doing this? I am wondering when that is, since you never see married couples doing it, for example. It's rather impractical, having the guy go all the way around the car. Little gestures like pulling out chairs and opening regular doors don't require much going out of the way, and can be sustained, but I feel kind of bad whenever I am about to get out of a car and he zooms around to open the door. It used to bother me when my ex would hold the door open for me b/c he was so awkward about it. I actually told him that he didn't have to do that for me and he stopped doing it. It really sucked. I didn't realize how nice it was until he stopped. I guess it's kind of like getting compliments from creepy old men. It makes you real uncomfortable, but it's nice to know that someone thinks you're attractive.
Horse Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I don't. I would if her arm was broken or something or if I was already standing there.
Horse Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I don't. I would if her arm was broken or something or if I was already standing there.
Marshbear Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I always open doors, hold doors, for people ( men and women ). I have never had someone complain about a little gentlemaness. It feels good to help people and I feel good on return.
Rosalind Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 deal breaker - a guy who doesn't open doors for me.
JS17 Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 wow, i didn't know all this. i rarely have a door opened for me, except for my doorman. i don't think anyone has ever pulled out a chair for me that doesn't work at the place. think it's because i'm from nyc?
Craig Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I held a door open once for a female I didn't know and she gave me shït and said she could open a door herself (dumb FemiNazi I hold doors open for everyone.)
Dasani Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I still open car doors for my mother (and i'm 27) so yes i open up for any female getting into my car.. even those who are not GF-material. in any case it shows a guy is capable of looking ahead. We (guys) normallylet the girls walk a little bit ahead of us... so you have to be conscious of when you both are heading toward a door lol. Also I am seeing that women have NOT had their attitude change toward equality when THEY open the door first. Girls i know... thats one thing.. they'll hold opne the door for me.. but women i dont know walking into a door.. rarely hold open the door- or even ACT like they'll keep it open (like walking thru and sliding hand acros door to slow its closure). biatches.
Undertaker Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I always open the door for my girlfriend. I always have and I always will. I don't brag about it, I don't do it for show, I don't do it for 'points'...I just do it. I feel like everyone should.
Author Nur Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale when getting ready to leave the proper gentleman should open the car door so that his lady can enter the car with ease. when arriving at the destination the proper gentleman should do nothing and let her exit the vehicle herself. he should then open the door for her at the said destination, be it a restaurant or bar or home or whatever. Thanks everyone. And thanks for making it so simple and spelled-out, Alpha.
slimjim Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 yes, always open the door for your date. when you do, see if she reaches over to unlock your door, if the car doesnt have electronic locks. if it does, tell her the locks are broken for some reason and has to be open withthe keys. then see if she tries to unlock it from the inside for you. This is a man's test of a woman----the women have so many to try on us!!! if she tries to unlock your side after you opened her door, then she is not self centered and thinks of others. if she just sits there, especially after you hesitate a little before putting the key in the door and fumbling around a little, then she is a selfish B..TCh. Now open the door again for her, to throw her ass out, preferably when going around a curve at 60mph!!!!.ha later
tanbark813 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by slimjim yes, always open the door for your date. when you do, see if she reaches over to unlock your door, if the car doesnt have electronic locks. if it does, tell her the locks are broken for some reason and has to be open withthe keys. then see if she tries to unlock it from the inside for you. This is a man's test of a woman----the women have so many to try on us!!! if she tries to unlock your side after you opened her door, then she is not self centered and thinks of others. if she just sits there, especially after you hesitate a little before putting the key in the door and fumbling around a little, then she is a selfish B..TCh. Now open the door again for her, to throw her ass out, preferably when going around a curve at 60mph!!!!.ha later Word. The "door test" outlined in A Bronx Tale (great movie, btw).
orta Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 As far as I know, in most vehicles, the passenger-side door has a handle on the inside and outside. These handles allows the passenger to open his or her own door. These handles should be used when the passenger wishes to enter or exit a vehicle via the passenger side. I have held doors open for people, pulled chairs out for people, and done the "right thing' to be courteous to others. I rarely receive a "thank you", so I do not see a point in helping others much. I will do so on occasion, but is is very upsetting to help a stranger and not even get a "thank you" in response. As for a person that I am dating, if I do not receive a "thank you" for my effort, I am definitely going to stop making the effort.
Naive Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 My bf opens my door first when we are about to get in the car but not when I am getting out and that is fine with me. I hate it when over do it to look nice, be real!!!!
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by slimjim yes, always open the door for your date. when you do, see if she reaches over to unlock your door, if the car doesnt have electronic locks. if it does, tell her the locks are broken for some reason and has to be open withthe keys. then see if she tries to unlock it from the inside for you. This is a man's test of a woman----the women have so many to try on us!!! if she tries to unlock your side after you opened her door, then she is not self centered and thinks of others. if she just sits there, especially after you hesitate a little before putting the key in the door and fumbling around a little, then she is a selfish B..TCh. Now open the door again for her, to throw her ass out, preferably when going around a curve at 60mph!!!!.ha later I do this! If the guy opens the door for me, I will reach over and unlock his door (or push the unlock button thingy). I don't expect him to open the door for me when we're already in the car to get out unless it's a real fancy occasion and I'm all dressed up. As for other doors, I always used to give my exH crap cuz he was the type to fling a door open wide for as many people as were behind him to get thru before the door whacks u in the rear. We worked on that for a while, then he became more conscious of holding the door open, but he would always end up on the wrong side and everyone would have to walk under his arm, or he would fling it and catch it before it hit ya where the Lord split ya. It is common courtesy to hold the door open for others, whether you are male or female, whether you are on a date or whether or not you even know the person. If you get there first, and someone is behind you, hold the damnd door open and let them go thru first (age before beauty?!) Another Ms Manners rule....for stairs....going up the man is behind. Going down...man in front. OK try NOT to read too much into that!
Recommended Posts