Verbal Abuse.

[Lucinda22]

Yesterday, I left the house and spent the night in a hotel, because of my husband's verbal abuse.

 

What lead to this? We had a disagreement about what to write in an e-mail to a friend. He did not like this, and stalked off, giving me the silent treatment until yesterday morning, when he said that I had ruined his birthday by not being "nice" to him, and that I could have waited until his birthday was over. I couldn't believe this; we had a wonderful celebration and the disagreement came at the end of the day. Then he said to me: "I own the air you breathe", meaning that HE owns the house and HE brings home the bacon. (He prefers me to stay at home.) I was also called a "psycho" ,a "b**ch" and that I have "no compassion" for him. He followed me around the house, yelling at me, and I was able to leave when he shut himself in his office.

 

This is not the first time I have had to leave the house to get away from his verbal abuse. If I do anything "wrong", I either get the silent treatment, or he rages at me. He often reminds me that I would have nothing without HIM, and that I am just a "taker" who expects HIM to pay all the bills, etc. I can't even voice an opinion with him any more without worrying about his reaction.

 

I am scared and confused, and wonder who to tell about all this. Our friends won't believe me because they think he is a great guy. Should I tell my family? Or should I tell his mother? She has been verbally abused by him in the past, and he does not like her. I feel that I have to let someone know what is going on in our marriage, because he is very clever at twisting things around to make it look like I am the bad one, and that its all MY fault.

 

He has now gone on a business trip for a week, and I returned home after he departed. What do I do now? Please help!

[curiousnycgirl]

You need to get yourself to a counselor/therapist! You need to learn either how to deal with this and change his behavior - or how to get out!

 

You don't say how long you've been married, but it sounds to me like he has been tearing down your self esteem for a while.

 

This man is a sadistic control freak. He wants you to stay home?!! Why?! Do you have children? Or is it so he can lord it over you that you he is the breadwinner?

[Craig]

Find a Domestic Violence Center near you, call them and make an appointment to meet with an Advocate or Counsellor. They'll sit down and talk with you and offer suggestions that might include counselling and/or a support group. You will find a way to go to counselling and/or the support group and you will find what you need there.

 

Don't think about it, just do it right now.

[NiceGuyMojo]

He often reminds me that I would have nothing without HIM, and that I am just a "taker" who expects HIM to pay all the bills, etc. I can't even voice an opinion with him any more without worrying about his reaction.

 

 

Nobody owns the air you breathe nor do they own YOU! The frightening part is this is what he truly thinks and feels. What would HE be NOW without YOU if he didn't have someone to put up with his crap? Often verbal abuse is the start of possible physical abuse, so if you resist him it may turn physical. Be very careful here.. Has he been drinking when this starts? Has he ever hit you?

 

HE has some very serious underlying issues but take care of yourself FIRST! The best thing you can do now is arm yourself with some knowledge about verbal and physical abuse. Run a google.com search on the subject which is a good place to start to help you understand what you are dealing with.

 

Keep posting because we are here to help!

[Lucinda22]

Thank you very much for your help.

 

I may be a slow learner, but after nearly 21 years with this man, I am realising how self-centered he is. Oh yes, when he said, "I own the air you breathe," he was sober, and it is not the first time he has used this type of comment against me. It often occurs when he has been drinking. If I say or do the "wrong" thing, he gets ugly very quickly, and he says, "You don't give me any respect. You're just a high-maintenance b***h"... and so on. I just say nothing, go to bed, and wait until he falls asleep.

 

Yesterday, I plucked up the courage to go and see an advocate at my local womens' shelter. It felt so good to be able to talk to someone, and she assured me that I am not alone in this. Her suggestions included joining a support group, and giving me the names of some books on verbally abusive relationships. Also she recommended a good counsellor, who I will be seeing tomorrow.