Cheating or Paranoia?

[Puddle]

Lately something doesn't seem right with my bf but I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if he might actually be cheating. Here are the things I see:

 

 

1. He shaves twice a week now. He used to shave once a week on Mondays, now all of a sudden he needs to look more professional at work. I say, BS. Nothing about his job has changed at all for him to need to look more professional. Same job, same duties, same hours, same boss.

 

 

2. He usually wears the same 2 or 3 shirts (typical guy). In the last couple weeks I've seen him in 2 or 3 new shirts. He claims he had them in his closet but never wore them. They look new to me.

 

 

3. He has a lock code on his phone. He has always had one, but does not seem to keep it locked during working hours since he takes a lot of phone calls. He leaves the phone unattended around me or when we're sleeping but why wouldn't he? It's locked. I refuse to hack his passcode or ask him for it. If he thinks I distrust him enough to want to see what's in his phone it will put another strain on us. I would not want him snooping in my phone either. I'm not going to slap a GPS on his car, hire a PI, or install a hidden audio recorder anywhere. It just feels wrong to have to go to that extreme.

 

 

4. He doesn't make as much time for me as he used to. As busy as he is, he always found a way to carve some time out for me just about every day, whether it was a quick lunch or just stopping by after work to kiss me goodnight. Now, not so much.

 

 

5. We don't talk as often as we used to. Sure, he still calls 2 or 3 times a day but he doesn't really text me unless necessary. We used to text a lot but after a texting argument a while back he decided that texting causes too much miscommunication between us & pretty much cut if off. So that means no Good Morning or How's Your Day Going? texts either. This leaves me feeling very disconnected as I don't see him that often already.

 

 

6. He texted me the other night that he was going to sleep & then added "I miss you too" as a follow up text. Problem is, I hadn't said I missed him first. I told him he must be in the wrong convo & his answer was that he just thought it would be cute to say that & sorry if he assumed that I also missed him. I tried to let it go but it still bugs me.

 

 

We had an uncomfortable talk the other day which I think may have pushed him away a bit but I can't be sure. I brought up feeling disconnected to him because of the texting thing, things just seem different now, but he says nothing is wrong with us or the relationship. There are a lot of telltale signs of cheating that don't fit him, either because they just don't happen or they're not applicable to him. On their own, none of these things really bother me, but together it leads me to think one of the following is true:

 

 

A. He's cheating

B. The honeymoon period is over & we're at the level of comfort couples get to where they don't have as much contact as they used to

C. He's just not that interested anymore

D. I'm just being paranoid

 

 

It's so hard to have that uneasiness which you can never tell is your gut speaking the truth to you, or coming from a place of insecurity & paranoia, inventions of problems that aren't there except in your head.

 

 

Of course I would love to hear that I'm just being paranoid, but I came here for honesty. I'm well aware that Loveshackers can be candid, if not abrasive, in their tough love approach. So let's have it - am I doing the paranoid, over-analytical & insecure girly thing or do you think I might have something to worry about?

[oldshirt]

is this the same on-again/off-again BF you asked if you were paranoid about in June of 2015?

[somanymistakes]

It sounds like there's a possibility he's interested in someone else.

 

Whether it's progressed to the level of full cheating depends somewhat on what you consider cheating, but it does have a lot of the warning signs of an emotional affair, even if he doesn't realise it. Some people actually DON'T realise what they're doing, especially early on, when they start being attracted to someone and wanting to talk to them more and dress up nice for them.

 

But not giving you as much attention combined with making himself look nicer suggests that, conscious or not, his attention is being drawn to someone else.

[Ittakestwo]

Sounds shady for sure. Im in agreement with somanymistakes.

[Puddle]

is this the same on-again/off-again BF you asked if you were paranoid about in June of 2015?

 

 

This is my sister's account, she doesn't use it anymore so she allows me to use it to search for topics, today I asked her if I could post something, not realizing our histories would be joined together. Just looked at her post, that guy she was posting about in 2015 is no longer in her orbit thank god. He did not seem to make ANY time for her at any point in their relationship. Apparently we are both spazzed out & paranoid.

 

 

Should I create my own profile & repost this? I don't really like using my info to sign up for things.

[oldshirt]

 

 

Should I create my own profile & repost this? .

 

yes.

 

 

many of us will look back through previous posts to get back story and patterns.

[Poutrew]

I think the answer is E: All of the above. Now, what the particular mixture is, who knows? If you are not willing to snoop, then you will never know for sure. Maybe you should just end it with him anyway - it sounds to me like the zest in the relationship is gone, for whatever reason, and neither of you seem too motivated to get it back.

[deadsoul]

only way to find out is to communicate your feelings without sounding accusatory. It's hard to say which it is because I'm only reading your perspective. But reading your words sounds like you think it's cheating more than paranoia. The bottom line is something isn't right about the relationship.

[d0nnivain]

I see a little bit of paranoia but agree that improved grooming habits & having less time for a SO can be signs of cheating.

 

 

You probably need to talk to him about your concerns. Start with an "I statement" about how you feel a bit neglected. Perhaps there is an innocuous explanation like he's dressing better & shaving because he wants a promotion so he's trying to be more professional (although I think that would mandate shaving every day).

 

 

Ask him if he's happy & fulfilled in the relationship.

[Jooles]

Something isn't right if one partner is questioning infidelity. I really hate game playing- you are being passive aggressive by saying you want more texting and communication but then making an issue out of a possible typo " miss you, too"

 

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Sit down together and have an honest discussion. Be cognizant of your wording and instead of phrasing things with an accusatory "You this, You that", try using phrases like "I feel, maybe we, I believe, " etc..

 

If your husband refuses to engage in a conversation with you, or is less than honest, then perhaps that in itself is the answer you will have to come to terms with.

 

Life is too short to waste. Mend the marriage, and if not possible then end it and move on.