Single Moms

[amaysngrace]

kick ass in this game of life

 

single dads too

[Mrin]

Totally agree!

[The_Onceler]

What qualifies as a single parent?

 

When I was a kid, my three siblings and I all lived full time with my mom. My father was an "every other weekend", barely involved kind of man.

 

My mother essentially had to be everything to us kids. I think of THAT as having been a single mom, and yes, she was kick ass. I don't suppose I will ever REALLY know the full extent of what she sacrificed.

 

Now I find myself grown with two kids, and recently separated. I have 50% physical custody. It never occurs to me to think of myself as a single dad.

 

Am I?

[todreaminblue]

What qualifies as a single parent?

 

When I was a kid, my three siblings and I all lived full time with my mom. My father was an "every other weekend", barely involved kind of man.

 

My mother essentially had to be everything to us kids. I think of THAT as having been a single mom, and yes, she was kick ass. I don't suppose I will ever REALLY know the full extent of what she sacrificed.

 

Now I find myself grown with two kids, and recently separated. I have 50% physical custody. It never occurs to me to think of myself as a single dad.

 

Am I?

yes you are a single dad.....dads taking responsibility ....are awesome.....

[Popsicle]

What qualifies as a single parent?

 

When I was a kid, my three siblings and I all lived full time with my mom. My father was an "every other weekend", barely involved kind of man.

 

My mother essentially had to be everything to us kids. I think of THAT as having been a single mom, and yes, she was kick ass. I don't suppose I will ever REALLY know the full extent of what she sacrificed.

 

Now I find myself grown with two kids, and recently separated. I have 50% physical custody. It never occurs to me to think of myself as a single dad.

 

Am I?

Well that's an interesting question.

Not so long ago "single mom" in particular used to refer to a woman who has children out of wedlock. There was no term for women who had children while married then divorced. These distinctions matter to some people still because they want to judge you and size the situation up. To others, all single women who have kids are a no-go. I am speaking about women but yes the genders are reversible. I have childless friends who would never date a man with kids, whether he's been married or not.

 

Either way, don't let that group discourage you, there are plenty of people who would date you.

[noelle303]

What qualifies as a single parent?

 

When I was a kid, my three siblings and I all lived full time with my mom. My father was an "every other weekend", barely involved kind of man.

 

My mother essentially had to be everything to us kids. I think of THAT as having been a single mom, and yes, she was kick ass. I don't suppose I will ever REALLY know the full extent of what she sacrificed.

 

Now I find myself grown with two kids, and recently separated. I have 50% physical custody. It never occurs to me to think of myself as a single dad.

 

Am I?

 

I would say yes. Any parent that is actively involved in their child's life and does not have a partner is to me a single parent.

[DKT3]

Single parent is a term that has always been negative to me.....Let me explain.

 

Before my divorce I saw single parents as people too selfish to find middle ground for the sake of the kids, or someone who made poor choices in bringing a child into the world with the wrong person. However, after spending 14 months with a lying manipulative woman it changed my views. But not necessarily positively​.

 

Now, very few are actually SINGLE parents, to me that suggests you're the only parent involved.

 

When we divorced we never viewed ourselves as single parents. While single we were still a parental unit. So not single parents.

 

Now I know it's all how one defines it.

 

Single with children or parenting singlarly

Edited March 11, 2017 by DKT3

[The_Onceler]

Single parent is a term that has always been negative to me.....Let me explain.

 

Before my divorce I saw single parents as people too selfish to find middle ground for the sake of the kids, or someone who made poor choices in bringing a child into the world with the wrong person. However, after spending 14 months with a lying manipulative woman it changed my views. But not necessarily positively​.

 

Now, very few are actually SINGLE parents, to me that suggests you're the only parent involved.

 

When we divorced we never viewed ourselves as single parents. While single we were still a parental unit. So not single parents.

 

Now I know it's all how one defines it.

 

Single with children or parenting singlarly

 

I guess that since I grew up with divorce, I never thought to judge the mother/father. Perhaps that had more to do with my mother's second marriage. Where my father was a fairly benign alcoholic, my step father was an outrageously abusive alcoholic, leaving my siblings and I wishing that my mother would divorce him.

 

But, yes, I too always thought of the "single mother" as the woman who had children, but who had zero parental support from the father.

 

In my situation, where my ex is responsible for half of the care of my kids, it seems less difficult than parenting entirely on ones own. I feel I don't quite merit the title of "single dad".

 

Parenting singularly seems more appropriate.

[Miss Clavel]

a single parent is one that has never been married, imo.

 

if you were married and now you are divorced, you might be single, but you would describe yourself as divorced.

 

this lets anyone interested in you know that a. you have been married and you are in fact, divorced, legally, and b. there is another parent in the lives of your children. one that takes an interest and shares the responsibility of said children. as in, you and the other parent are sharing custody and visitation and child support is being sent or received.

 

some people might take on a single parent and be fine with it but not want to take on the presence of the other parent as a fixture in their lives.

 

if you want to get back into dating, be clear when you describe yourself, you are either divorced or you are single(as in never married and no ex in the background).

[The_Onceler]

this lets anyone interested in you know that a. you have been married and you are in fact, divorced, legally, and b. there is another parent in the lives of your children.

 

I *hate* calling myself divorced, since I was never married. It may seem like a small distinction, but it matters to me.

 

That said, I did not barge into this thread with the notion of how to label myself in the context of dating. Dating was the furthest thing from my mind, actually. I was thinking more about the extreme responsibility that parenting brings, and the outrageous level of sacrifice it must require to do all of that alone. I did not want to label myself as a single dad, and assume for myself all which that implies.

[noelle303]

a single parent is one that has never been married, imo.

 

if you were married and now you are divorced, you might be single, but you would describe yourself as divorced.

 

this lets anyone interested in you know that a. you have been married and you are in fact, divorced, legally, and b. there is another parent in the lives of your children. one that takes an interest and shares the responsibility of said children. as in, you and the other parent are sharing custody and visitation and child support is being sent or received.

 

some people might take on a single parent and be fine with it but not want to take on the presence of the other parent as a fixture in their lives.

 

if you want to get back into dating, be clear when you describe yourself, you are either divorced or you are single(as in never married and no ex in the background).

 

While I've never been married, my daughter's father is involved in her life. He sees her every other weekend at least and financially contributes. It's almost no difference than in divorced couples.

 

I also consider myelf as single mom even though the father is involved. She's with me over 90% of the time and even though I'm in a relationship, my boyfriend has no contact with my daughter and I raise her by myself for the most part.

[minimariah]

Am I?

 

no.

 

you are a divorced (separated) dad & people mix that up all the time. it doesn't really matter if you were LEGALLY married either; in many countries... a child automatically means common law marriage so there is that. single parents = widowers or parents who take care of their kids ON THEIR OWN, without the participation of that other parent (their ex partner).

 

if your ex partner helps, is involved and active, participates in the children's lives both financially and emotionally - you're not a single parent. you're a divorced/separated parent. that is the definition, at least in my country (culture). SINGLE before the parent (in my culture) refers to your parenthood, not dating status.

Edited March 13, 2017 by minimariah

[Miss Clavel]

I *hate* calling myself divorced, since I was never married. It may seem like a small distinction, but it matters to me.

 

That said, I did not barge into this thread with the notion of how to label myself in the context of dating. Dating was the furthest thing from my mind, actually. I was thinking more about the extreme responsibility that parenting brings, and the outrageous level of sacrifice it must require to do all of that alone. I did not want to label myself as a single dad, and assume for myself all which that implies.

 

neither did i.

 

i gave my opinion/thoughts on the topic as i am divorced with full physical custody of my orphans.

 

nothing about this arrangement is extreme or outrageous.

[Miss Clavel]

While I've never been married, my daughter's father is involved in her life. He sees her every other weekend at least and financially contributes. It's almost no difference than in divorced couples.

 

I also consider myelf as single mom even though the father is involved. She's with me over 90% of the time and even though I'm in a relationship, my boyfriend has no contact with my daughter and I raise her by myself for the most part.

 

ditto. i felt that was for the best.

[GroovyC]

A single parent to me is someone who pulls all the weight of raising a child. It doesn't matter if your divorced, separated or never married.

 

I am thinking of leaving my husband and raising my son on my own. My parents are in their 80's so I will pretty much do everything. There is no village...just me. And if I am lucky I might get child support payments.

 

I think single parents need all the support and recognition regardless of status because it's a way of living, sacrifice and actions that define single parent.

[amaysngrace]

A single parent to me is someone who pulls all the weight of raising a child. It doesn't matter if your divorced, separated or never married.

 

I am thinking of leaving my husband and raising my son on my own. My parents are in their 80's so I will pretty much do everything. There is no village...just me. And if I am lucky I might get child support payments.

 

I think single parents need all the support and recognition regardless of status because it's a way of living, sacrifice and actions that define single parent.

 

You and I were posting on each other's threads at the exact same time just now.

[misspalmy]

I think being solo mum isnt as bad now, less im not with a cheater, or a man thats worse at making mess that my kids

[littleblackheart]

Whatever the proper definition, single parents ultimately have sole responsibility for kids' welfare in practice.

 

On paper, my kids' father contributes financially (because he has to, not of his own free will) and sees them for a few hours on w/e when he can be bothered. He doesn't parent them, though. No discipline, no day-to-day juggling of childcare, work, general chores and your own stuff, no financial responsibilities beyond a monthly contribution, no dealing with the little bumps in their lives, no investment.

 

Still, I prefer that to the alternative (aka being witha dead wood man-child) anyday.