oldshirt Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 As another poster implied earlier in the thread, even if he isn't cheating, does it really matter??? Is this where you want to be even if he isn't getting down with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
cppc Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 There're multiple ways for you to dig further: - Check his phone for suspicious text; if it's not convenient then - Check phone record, if he calls/texts a number more than normal? - Buy a Voice Activate Recorder, put under his car seat. In anyway, whether he has an affair or not, you need to be stronger. Go to marriage counselor, if he refuses then call it a quit Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Say he convinces you that all of these things are crazy, that he has a reason for all of these confidence crushing things that add up. Say he gets angry at you when you call him out on it and twists the conversation to make you look and feel insecure. This is called gaslighting and nearly all cheating spouses do it. Because their behavior is suspicious and the clues do add up, so the only tactic they have is to make YOU feel crazy. It seems like you have two options, either become a private detective and use all the tools out there to track him and spy on him, including just doing things like dropping by the office at 8pm to see if he's actually there. The other choice is confronting him now, which runs the risk that he'll continue to gaslight you, change up his patterns, destroy any proof that still exists, and take the affair further underground. Then you'll be stuck with the lies and the gaslighting for months and years. I guess a third choice exists: ask him for a divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jooles Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Regardless of whether or not your husband is cheating-he is not being a good partner, nor giving you what you need emotionally. Honestly, if I were you I would find out what he is up to first. Can you sit outside his work at the time he used to leave and see? Are you prepared to deal with answers that you may not like? Could you live on your own? I could not tolerate living the way you have described. Perhaps an honest talk with him and lay it on the line: " things are not right in our marriage, and we need to either mend it or end it. " And really mean what you say to him- no threats. Link to post Share on other sites
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