Physical attraction

[nameless]

OK, I know how bad this sounds, & I'm really embarrassed to be this shallow, but here goes:

 

My bf is 29 & is losing his hair. I'm worried that eventually this will affect my attraction towards him. I think part of it is that I've never had to deal with this before, no one I've ever dated has been balding, none of my friends are, and neither is anyone in my family. And I would never dream of suggesting he do something to change his appearance. I just honestly don't know how to see past this - it doesn't change him as a person, but how can I help how I feel??? And why does it bother me so much in the first place? Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?

[Tony T]

I know that often feelings can change if a partner becomes obese after being fit for a good period of time.

 

In most cases, a woman who had sufficiently bonded to a man would not be bothered by his thinning hair. However, there could be an element of embarassment if she is sensitive about how her friends feel...which, as you have admitted, may be a little shallow. Many women feel baldness is sexy and attractive. Lots of young guys shave their head for their girlfriends these days.

 

But you can't help your feelings. You need to talk to your guy. Right now is the time to do something. There are many things he can do to forestall or stop the balding process, even for male pattern baldness. There are several over the counter applications that have proven to stop hair loss in 90 percent of cases.

 

He should first see a dermatologist for an examination and have the doctor recommend a treatment regimen. If he doesn't want to do that, Rogaine has been used successfully...although it is a little expensive.

 

So don't just sit there and let him lose his hair, help him do something about it.

 

Also, if you will use a good search engine and enter: hair loss in the search field, you will get a wealth of information.

 

Lost hair can be restored if the follicles beneath the scalp are still in good shape. He needs to use special shampoos to wash his hair well each day along with other special applications he can get from the doctor or cosmetologists who specialize in hair loss/restoration. Massaging his scalp and getting the circulation going is also a good thing. Also, send him to the health food store to get Biotin supplements. It's a mineral that aids hair growth as well as promoting healthy finger and toe nails. The label will give him a recommended dose.

 

But if you just want him to go bald and you can't handle it, don't be hard on yourself. If I were seeing a lady and she went bald, I'd go pretty nuts myself.

[nameless]

Thank you for responding...

 

Right now my bf isn't even aware that this bothers me at all. He actually brought it up himself the other night & was telling me how one of his friends who is losing his hair is stressing about what to do about it. My bf told his friend not to worry about it, it's not a big deal, etc. My bf said he's not going to waste thousands on hair loss remedies that don't work. After all, hair's not really important......I just nodded and smiled throughout this conversation.

 

I wish I could get to the point where I don't even notice it anymore...I feel so superficial. I can't discuss it with him - he's already told me how he feels about it, and I know it would hurt his feelings that I'm so hung up on looks. I feel so guilty for feeling this way...

 

I know that often feelings can change if a partner becomes obese after being fit for a good period of time. In most cases, a woman who had sufficiently bonded to a man would not be bothered by his thinning hair. However, there could be an element of embarassment if she is sensitive about how her friends feel...which, as you have admitted, may be a little shallow. Many women feel baldness is sexy and attractive. Lots of young guys shave their head for their girlfriends these days. But you can't help your feelings. You need to talk to your guy. Right now is the time to do something. There are many things he can do to forestall or stop the balding process, even for male pattern baldness. There are several over the counter applications that have proven to stop hair loss in 90 percent of cases. He should first see a dermatologist for an examination and have the doctor recommend a treatment regimen. If he doesn't want to do that, Rogaine has been used successfully...although it is a little expensive. So don't just sit there and let him lose his hair, help him do something about it. Also, if you will use a good search engine and enter: hair loss in the search field, you will get a wealth of information. Lost hair can be restored if the follicles beneath the scalp are still in good shape. He needs to use special shampoos to wash his hair well each day along with other special applications he can get from the doctor or cosmetologists who specialize in hair loss/restoration. Massaging his scalp and getting the circulation going is also a good thing. Also, send him to the health food store to get Biotin supplements. It's a mineral that aids hair growth as well as promoting healthy finger and toe nails. The label will give him a recommended dose. But if you just want him to go bald and you can't handle it, don't be hard on yourself. If I were seeing a lady and she went bald, I'd go pretty nuts myself.

[Tony T]

I think it's basically dishonest to feel this strongly and not discuss it with him. If he cares about you, he needs to know that his hair loss is on your mind and that you would like to work with him in slowing or preventing the process.

 

If you're going to be in a relationship, you've got to be with someone you can talk to. Yes, it's nice to be caring about people's feelings but you must be free to bring up issues that are critical to you. I'm sure it would hurt him a lot more if he knew you shared your feelings with a potential of nearly 200 million people on the World Wide Web before you decided to tell him how you feel.