ConfusedandMarried Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 My husband of 7 years told me last week that he is addicted to porn. This was after I checked our internet usage because it was so slow. I confronted him and he told me he watched porn, I went to bed. The next day he told me he wanted to go to a counselor. I have been seeing one because I have been suffering from PTSD which I thought was due to my parents death and it turns out it may be because of this. We have been married 7 years, he has always went soft on me unless a porn was on. I have caught him before binge watching porn. He always told me he would stop. We haven't really had sex unless it was to try and conceive and when we did it was a "pump and dump" usually watching porn until he was ready to finish in me. We have not conceived. We did not even have sex on our wedding night. He and his older siblings were sexually abused by their step father. I understood his pain because I was molested too. I concentrated on other things throughout our marriage and everything seemed okay. Thinking back on it now I do realize that he acted like a drug addicted, he got mad at me easily, did not sleep in the bed with me, and was not affectionate or romantic after the first few months we got together. I confronted him about the porn addiction, he got upset, I told him if he wasn't willing to talk he should go and he left. He told me he was embarrassed and I pushed and this is for the best. I do not know what to do from here on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 Be sure he gets in counseling for it. I saw a psychologist on tv say that the biggest set of people coming in for therapy the last few years have been porn addicts. Understand they would never seek help if it did not make them unable to perform without it. They program themselves to repeatedly get off to a couple of their favorite scenarios and then find it hard to deal with a live woman with a mind of her own and also who probably doesn't have $20,000 hooters. He has to stop watching porn to ever get back to normal. He should see a psychologist as well. Do NOT let him try to influence you to recreate this scenario that gets him off and blame it on you. Remember those poor women are messed up souls with horrific backgrounds and usually are addicts of some type and are paid to do this stuff and a lot of it is harmful to their bodies and certainly 90 percent of it is humiliating. If anyone wants to debate this with me, I will remind you they all end with humiliating the woman by squirting on her face or upper body just to show who's boss. It's disgusting. My main issue with a man who watches porn beyond the age of 21 is that they have no empathy for the fact that those women are somebody's badly used daughters they're defiling. So he gets help and stops porn or you may as well move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 We have not conceived. . You need to thank God for that. He is NOT husband and father material. Grieve, heal and move swiftly on is my advice, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedandMarried Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 My mind is prepared for the worst, I do see sadness in him. His older sister was the one to tell me about the abuse. I feel bad to give up on him after all we have been through. I see no evidence of cheating but then again you never know and I will not put up with that. I have worked too hard to get my mind right and if he does not get help I will not entertain the idea of reconciliation. I do not want to be too graphic but he has a thing with bj's. My heart cries for him. He acts like a tough guy when I know he has so much pain. His previous wife was an alcoholic that passed from cirrhosis so she has never known about his child abuse, and he found it easy to be with her because of that. How can I be there for him, as I would anybody who has an issue and needs help, without hurting myself? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 How can I be there for him, as I would anybody who has an issue and needs help, without hurting myself? We had a guy on here that needed porn in order to be able to do the deed in order to get his wife pregnant. He was so disgusted and turned off by her body that he had to get excited by the porn in order to get it up. Now I don't know what is in your husband's mind here, but I guess he thinks similarly and that sounds pretty insulting to me. Why would you want to stick around? He knows you don't do it for him, that is why he left. Yes, he may also have a porn addiction, but I guess he took the first decent chance he had to leave, and left. (BTW that guy I mentioned was cheating) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 My husband of 7 years told me last week that he is addicted to porn. This was after I checked our internet usage because it was so slow. I confronted him and he told me he watched porn, I went to bed. The next day he told me he wanted to go to a counselor. I have been seeing one because I have been suffering from PTSD which I thought was due to my parents death and it turns out it may be because of this. We have been married 7 years, he has always went soft on me unless a porn was on. I have caught him before binge watching porn. He always told me he would stop. We haven't really had sex unless it was to try and conceive and when we did it was a "pump and dump" usually watching porn until he was ready to finish in me. We have not conceived. We did not even have sex on our wedding night. He and his older siblings were sexually abused by their step father. I understood his pain because I was molested too. I concentrated on other things throughout our marriage and everything seemed okay. Thinking back on it now I do realize that he acted like a drug addicted, he got mad at me easily, did not sleep in the bed with me, and was not affectionate or romantic after the first few months we got together. I confronted him about the porn addiction, he got upset, I told him if he wasn't willing to talk he should go and he left. He told me he was embarrassed and I pushed and this is for the best. I do not know what to do from here on. First, quit sticking your head in the sand. Your husbands porn addiction has been more than obvious for the last 7 years. For some reason you finally had enough.No, he is not embarassed, he has known longer than you his problem and has chosen his actions over you. Let him go, it is time to have a normal life. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 (Minor point - Not all porn ends that way, it does vary. Some is better, and sadly some is even worse! Consumers rarely want to investigate the story behind the porn.) As for your husband, it sounds like the porn use is a symptom rather than the core problem. He's afraid of intimacy. He's using the porn like a drug to drown out his thoughts and problems. Porn is easy. Porn gets him off, whenever he wants, no questions asked. Porn will be there whenever he wants and stop whenever he wants. It gives him control over his sexuality, something he didn't have as a child. Has he had any serious relationships other than you? If so, do you know how they ended? Has he ever really been able to maintain a loving, sharing relationship? It sounds like the ghosts of his past may very much be haunting him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedandMarried Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 I know of his first love at 15, some girlfriends in between, his wife who was 13 years older than him (he was 27) and she was an alcoholic and passed away after 10 years of marriage. He then followed a Russian bride throughout Europe and that ended and a year later we met. He and his wife never had kids because she could not, but he does have one from a fling. What you wrote really makes sense but today he texted me he had to work and would not be going to his counseling apt even though it will be snowing tomorrow and I know he is probably not going to work. He is back in his mothers nest so he feels "safe" he has always run there after fights. This is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
forgiven1 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 this unfortunately is an increasing issue... I myself was sexually abused and one of the things used in that abuse was porn- so I found myself addicted to it, I couldn't get excited without it, I also blacked out when being sexual with anyone that I didn't enjoy it at all.... well fast forward to years later with counseling, I struggle sometimes when certain movies or commercials come on, because it is like a drug- in fact I've recently learned that the effects of porn is the same as heroin is on the brain. But back to you and your husband, there is hope, I joined a group called Celebrate Recovery (there I meet with other woman whose husband is addicted to sex (as my ex husband was a sex addict and I too seem to suffer from PTSD because if it)... the good news is your husband has asked about counseling-that is a great start! Celebrate Recovery also offers a group for men who struggle with sexual issues. wish you luck and hope things work out for you and your husband... praying for you both! My husband of 7 years told me last week that he is addicted to porn. This was after I checked our internet usage because it was so slow. I confronted him and he told me he watched porn, I went to bed. The next day he told me he wanted to go to a counselor. I have been seeing one because I have been suffering from PTSD which I thought was due to my parents death and it turns out it may be because of this. We have been married 7 years, he has always went soft on me unless a porn was on. I have caught him before binge watching porn. He always told me he would stop. We haven't really had sex unless it was to try and conceive and when we did it was a "pump and dump" usually watching porn until he was ready to finish in me. We have not conceived. We did not even have sex on our wedding night. He and his older siblings were sexually abused by their step father. I understood his pain because I was molested too. I concentrated on other things throughout our marriage and everything seemed okay. Thinking back on it now I do realize that he acted like a drug addicted, he got mad at me easily, did not sleep in the bed with me, and was not affectionate or romantic after the first few months we got together. I confronted him about the porn addiction, he got upset, I told him if he wasn't willing to talk he should go and he left. He told me he was embarrassed and I pushed and this is for the best. I do not know what to do from here on. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 We had a guy on here that needed porn in order to be able to do the deed in order to get his wife pregnant. He was so disgusted and turned off by her body that he had to get excited by the porn in order to get it up. Now I don't know what is in your husband's mind here, but I guess he thinks similarly and that sounds pretty insulting to me. Why would you want to stick around? He knows you don't do it for him, that is why he left. Yes, he may also have a porn addiction, but I guess he took the first decent chance he had to leave, and left. (BTW that guy I mentioned was cheating) Porn addiction has nothing to do with looking at hot women. There is soooo much more to it. OP there is another thread going with someone who has the same issue. Step one is to disconnect the internet and get rid of his smart phone. If he won't do it then there is NO hope. I hope the future is ready for all the flacid men and men who would prefer to fap to an image than have an actual connection. Many people have tried to warn about the dangers of porn but alas it has been totally normalized. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/609503-newly-married-husband-fishing-craigslist-5.html Link to post Share on other sites
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