I'm a weak coward

[ConInLA]

Coninla you sound a bit judgmental. I take it you've never been with a married/taken person. You don't know all the details of the situation. I'd also venture to say all of your relationships have been healthy and you've not understood co-dependency or anxious attachment.

 

If that's true, good for you. You win a medal. She may or may not have known this man was married. She many not be emotionally healthy. To call her these names is premature.

 

I do think the OP sounds selfish. He needs to make a decision. Figure what's important and feasible.

 

While I do believe people should work to stay sexy, it hurts to see a woman's appearance is at the root of this. We change over time. It's inevitable. Maybe there is another root and this is the scape.

 

Um, did you not read my first sentence. I am fresh out of an affair and the last person to ever judge someone. I have been where the poster is. All I said was that she was conniving. Every party in an affair is conniving. I was conniving as well, nothing personal.

[aileD]

Coninla you sound a bit judgmental. I take it you've never been with a married/taken person. You don't know all the details of the situation. I'd also venture to say all of your relationships have been healthy and you've not understood co-dependency or anxious attachment.

 

If that's true, good for you. You win a medal. She may or may not have known this man was married. She many not be emotionally healthy. To call her these names is premature.

 

I do think the OP sounds selfish. He needs to make a decision. Figure what's important and feasible.

 

While I do believe people should work to stay sexy, it hurts to see a woman's appearance is at the root of this. We change over time. It's inevitable. Maybe there is another root and this is the scape.

 

The OP himself stated that the AP has questionable morals. It isn't a giant leap.

[aileD]

Listen. I don't know why we're going around and around on this post.

 

The OP isn't going to take any advice. He's gonna do what he wants to do because he is selfish and the only way he's going to get clarity is when he hits rock bottom. We are trying to help him realize that before he gets there. But some people just can't have that epiphany until they actually destroy their lives first.

 

It's just a shame that his wife and child's life will be destroyed along with his.

 

I don't think there's anything more to say.

[Lovetoo]

I see both your points. BUT are you saying whomever you ended your affair with, they would make a mistake by choosing to be with you?

 

I do think it's selfish. But he knows how he feels. He isn't attracted to his wife. Sad.

 

I think he should try focusing on what he does love about her. What does attract him to her. Think on those things. I've not been married so I don't know. I've been in a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to before. I loved him for other reasons. We didn't sex much. Hardly at all. I loved him dearly though.

 

Again this makes me sad. Cause I do want marriage. And I do plan to work to be fine but what if I gain weight. Or as I age my husband feels like he does. That would be devastating. Don't you think?

[aileD]

I see both your points. BUT are you saying whomever you ended your affair with, they would make a mistake by choosing to be with you?

 

I do think it's selfish. But he knows how he feels. He isn't attracted to his wife. Sad.

 

I think he should try focusing on what he does love about her. What does attract him to her. Think on those things. I've not been married so I don't know. I've been in a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to before. I loved him for other reasons. We didn't sex much. Hardly at all. I loved him dearly though.

 

Again this makes me sad. Cause I do want marriage. And I do plan to work to be fine but what if I gain weight. Or as I age my husband feels like he does. That would be devastating. Don't you think?

 

 

Maybe you should start another thread for this personal question. The short answer is that marriage is a commitment that is supposed to be lifelong, not until someone gets fat or sick. However people are human and you can lose your attraction to your spouse. But that's where you fall back on your commitment and work through it together. Having an affair is the selfish route.

[Lovetoo]

What question? The devastation of finding out that your husband cheated and he says it's because you are fat and unattractive?

 

 

OP can you just workout together? Help her get back into shape?

[wmacbride]

Coninla you sound a bit judgmental. I take it you've never been with a married/taken person. You don't know all the details of the situation. I'd also venture to say all of your relationships have been healthy and you've not understood co-dependency or anxious attachment.

 

If that's true, good for you. You win a medal. She may or may not have known this man was married. She many not be emotionally healthy. To call her these names is premature.

 

I do think the OP sounds selfish. He needs to make a decision. Figure what's important and feasible.

 

While I do believe people should work to stay sexy, it hurts to see a woman's appearance is at the root of this. We change over time. It's inevitable. Maybe there is another root and this is the scape.

 

Unless the ow still doesn't know he's married, none of this makes any difference. She is an adult woman who, from what the op says is mentally sound. She is no victim. She knows what he's doing, and has the choice to stay or go. She is choosing to stay, and at some point, her choices cease to be his or anyone else's fault. She is after all, an adult.

 

She also has the knowledge his wife does not have. She knows he's capable to lying directly to someone's face, as she is a huge part of that lie. She could tell the truth, she could tell him the A i over, she could tell him she will stop seeing him until he files for divorce...yet she is doing none of that.

 

In my opinion, she is every bit as responsible for any pain caused to the op's wife and children ( unless she is unaware he is married, which makes him one of the biggest types of heel around).