Fixing a personality?

[Miss Spider]

Can anyone suggest books or columns etc on improving personality..particularly in the areas of being more confident, interesting, and fun? I'm an introvert and need help.

Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

Cookies, your need for professional help in managing your emotions in relationships far outweighs any other type of issue at present.

[NuevoYorko]

Title should read:,fixing personality. Sorry. Can anyone suggest books or columns etc on improving personality..particularly in the areas of being more confident, interesting, and fun? I'm an introvert and need help.

 

Forgive me, but after reading your other big thread, I'm just floored to read this. That said, you definitely are already interesting.

[Abhainn]

Title should read:,fixing personality. Sorry. Can anyone suggest books or columns etc on improving personality..particularly in the areas of being more confident, interesting, and fun? I'm an introvert and need help.

 

It really sounds like you feel like you need fixing, and I'm wondering if you're feeling different right now? Because it is okay to be introverted, and have interests that not many share.

 

If you have social anxiety, that's one thing.

 

If you need help fronting more extraversion for occasions where it is necessary, that's another thing.

 

If you need help figuring out how to take all the interesting ideas and things that you come up with on your own and translate that into stuff people would want to talk about and presenting them in a way they'd be interested in, that too is another thing.

 

But please, don't ever say that you need to "fix your personality" because you're an introvert! Please read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts" (I believe by Susan Cain).

 

Your gifts are unique, and yours, I hope you can learn to celebrate them.

 

Can you tell me more about why you think you need fixing?

[Abhainn]

Since I cannot edit my previous post, I looked at some of your other threads and posts.

 

And I can see how it might have felt that my previous post didn't really hear you. It sounds like from things people are saying and what you are saying that you really do feel that you need to work on your personality. And by and large, when people say that, often their personality isn't necessarily the issue but what has been overlaid onto it.

 

With you, though, it really sounds like you do recognize that you need to work on your personality, which is some difficult work, but there is a lot of hope too.

 

I am going to very gently suggest that you look into dialectic behavior therapy (DBT), which really has shown beneficial for people with issues stemming from personality.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this! It sounds like you have one of the really tough ones. Given the strength of the emotions which feel intolerable to you, you feel the need to mood shift quickly in a way that alleviates it for you, and it feels perfectly rational and understandable, but so often so many people don't understand that and treat you like are the problem, which only probably makes it feel worse, from your perspective.

 

The only way through is to learn to tolerate those emotions (which DBT can help you do) so that they don't feel as threatening, and once you can, you'll be able to act instead of react and there is a world of difference between the two that will help your relationships go much more smoothly.

[preraph]

What was your situation with friends in, for example, high school or college? Did you have a group of friends? What was their feedback to you?

 

I've found that hanging out with a group of people will somewhat bring you in line more with what they find acceptable, so it's important to take part in groups of friends. You usually find out pretty quickly what they like about you and what they think needs work.

 

Example, a friend of mine has a girl in about fourth grade about 9 years old. This girl is extrovert and overly attention-seeking. She has been that way since she was a toddler. She has to be the center of attention. At holiday with relatives and friends there, she slapped a drawing pad out of her teen brother's hands because she was mad that he was getting people's attention showing his drawing. She had had all the attention until then. When he got the drawings out, she immediately ran around grabbing stuff to show people trying to get their attention away from him. When it didn't work she slapped it right out of his hands.

 

Now, of course, she's having some issues at school and getting in trouble and I'm sure this is why. So that was about a year ago and then this year, same holiday, she looks glum over dinner and says "apparently some people find me annoying." So the herd is correcting her which is a jolly good thing in her case! She's a lovely girl but she's way too me, me, me.

 

So not sure what your social situation is, but please don't try to avoid groups of friends because they can help bring out your better qualities. And by the way, I enjoy your posts and you seem lovely to me.

[Nowty V]

Can anyone suggest books or columns etc on improving personality..particularly in the areas of being more confident, interesting, and fun? I'm an introvert and need help.

 

I would try

 

What happy People Know by Dr Dan Baker

 

On being Introvert/Highly Sensitive I would recommend:

 

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

by Susan Cain

 

This Title provides an overview of the trait and is very informative

 

The Highly Sensitive Person:

How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You

by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

 

This one is more in depth and provides invaluable information.

 

Another Title of use is:

 

Authentic, how to be yourself and why it matters by Professor Stephen Joseph

 

And one more on relationships:

 

Attached. by Amir Levine M.D and Racheal S.F. Heller M.A

 

I would add something for your spirituality and would recommend:

 

Awareness by Anthony de Mello

 

It's all good

Edited March 18, 2017 by Nowty V

[Haydn]

Eckhart Tolle is not bad.

[Shanex]

“You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years of trying to get people interested in you.”

 

Dale Carnegie, the man is always worth a read.

[Arieswoman]

Cookies,

There is nothing wrong with being an "introvert". ( And BTW I don't really like putting these labels on people)

 

You are a unique person and need to celebrate that.

 

IMO you need to be the best, most authentic person you can be.

 

You don't need to be in competition with others, you don't need to try and be something that you are not.

 

Let me tell you a story;

 

Once upon a time in a dress shop there was skirt that was mid-length with stripes.

She hung from the rail for ages and no-one would pick her. Potential buyers said she was too long.

So she concentrated hard and managed to shrink her length.

Women came and looked at her and said "Hmmm, that a nice skirt, but it would be better in spots".

So the skirt concentrated very hard and turned her stripes into spots.

Buyers looked at her and said "That's a nice skirt but I really wanted one with a flowered pattern."

So the skirt concentrated hard and changed her spots into a flowered pattern.

Customers looked at her and said "That flowered pattern is too busy for a short skirt, it needs to be longer"

So the skirt concentrated hard and made herself a full length skirt.

Then a potential buyer came in and said " Now that's a nice skirt, I like the style and cut, but what I really want is a skirt that is mid-length with stripes."

At this point the skirt has a total skirt nervous breakdown and throws herself off the rail.

 

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm beyond repair. but I hope you can find what you are looking for...

 

TFY