freebird31 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Really feeling discouraged with dating. It seems like the guys that I attract, I do not find attractive in return. I have even given a guy a chance that I was unsure of from the start only to be reassured that I didn't feel any sparks there for him. Just so happens the one guy who I actually find attractive and amusing, doesn't want to date me. Idk what's going on with dating. Seems I'm only ever attracted to guys that don't want me. Or maybe it's because they don't want me, makes me want them more. I'm not sure. But I feel like I'll never meet someone where there's an actual mutual attraction. Im turning 25 soon. I still have some time and I'm not ina rush whatsoever. At all. But just dating someone I really liked who lead me on, discouraged me. I just feel a bit crushed and discouraged. Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 That's the woes of dating. You like someone who doesn't like you back or can't like you back because of previous obligations and vice versa. It's quite okay to take a break and a breather before getting back out there. Eventually you'll find someone who will have 80% of what you're looking for. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I know I posted something similar and some folks thought I was making the dating process harder or potentially eliminating people because I would not give them a shot. Maybe I’m missing something here and if there is anyone that can shed some light, I would be glad to hear. Help me understand what does this mean: “It seems like the guys that I attract, I do not find attractive.” I’m assuming you are using OLD, if you are NOT then my bad, however Does this mean that the only guys who are messaging you on OLD are guys you are not attracted too? If you are of a certain age, let’s say 40, you mean to tell me that every single guy who sends you a message on OLD you are NOT attracted to ANY of them? If someone has specific preferences in how a guy looks, NOT ONE GUY would fit your criteria? In terms of looks if a woman were to be rated let’s say and the majority of people rating give that woman a “7” what would make any woman think that she is going to attract a guys who is a “8” or “9” Do individuals simply have a warped sense of their own looks and overreach (someone had a dating out of their league thread recently) Eventually you'll find someone who will have 80% of what you're looking for. As for this quote do people actually sit down and say to themselves, I want a guy who has these qualities: Looks Income Hobbies Education Whatever and say to themselves I’m only going to date people AND go out with people who meet my “minimum” requirements/or the “type of looks” I prefer. Or do people simply grab bag? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 You attract what you attract.....maybe it's time for a makeover....inside and out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) I know I posted something similar and some folks thought I was making the dating process harder or potentially eliminating people because I would not give them a shot. Maybe I’m missing something here and if there is anyone that can shed some light, I would be glad to hear. Help me understand what does this mean: “It seems like the guys that I attract, I do not find attractive.” I’m assuming you are using OLD, if you are NOT then my bad, however Does this mean that the only guys who are messaging you on OLD are guys you are not attracted too? If someone has specific preferences in how a guy looks, NOT ONE GUY would fit your criteria? In terms of looks if a woman were to be rated let’s say and the majority of people rating give that woman a “7” what would make any woman think that she is going to attract a guys who is a “8” or “9” Do individuals simply have a warped sense of their own looks and overreach (someone had a dating out of their league thread recently) As for this quote do people actually sit down and say to themselves, I want a guy who has these qualities: Looks Income Hobbies Education Whatever and say to themselves I’m only going to date people AND go out with people who meet my “minimum” requirements/or the “type of looks” I prefer. Or do people simply grab bag? I know this isn't directed at me, but I know exactly how OP feels and i do online dating now. " If you are of a certain age, let’s say 40, you mean to tell me that every single guy who sends you a message on OLD you are NOT attracted to ANY of them?" I am a woman in my mid 20s. Swear on my life, I'm probably attracted to 1/500th of the men who message me, if that. I am no goddess, but I don't think its the' going after men out of my league' thing. Not fond of the scale,, the guy could be "6/10" and I'd be more attracted to him than a "9/10" Simply because he is my 'type'. But not too many fit that bill. Many women have specific, inexplicable physical type and really can't help it. It's even in his facial expressions, to his style, to the pics he chooses. But I don't see the point don't see the point in wasting both of our time and friendzoning him if I'm not attracted to from his pics. If we met circumstancially, offline, naturally and a friendship progressed and I fell for him, that's different. Then comes in the personality. This carries a lot of weight. The way he talks to you. So many men on OLD fall either into the "not cute, but nice and really wants to get to know you " category or the "chad who thinks he's smooth and really wants to get laid" category Very few are the normal, nice, intelligent, charismatic, attractive, knows how to talk to a woman variety. There are very few just in the nice and attractive variety! Those guys are usually dating irl enough or taken already. It is hard for anyone, online or irl to find their type. I will not waver from it though. I love kind men. It's crucial of crucial importance, but if I don't feel a desire to have sex with him then all we can be is friends and that's not what dating is for. All I can suggest to OP is to try dating these guys you don't feel initially into it you haven't (some people it can "grow" for) , be a little more liberal with your selectiveness( I am trying to do this now), continuing improving yourself, and keep looking. Don't give up!!! Edited March 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I have to say how much I've always loved women who reject guys based on their looks. You've left so many great guys for the rest of we women who are attracted to personality. You've got no idea how much you're missing out on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Then comes in the personality. This carries a lot of weight. The way he talks to you. So many men on OLD fall either into the "not cute, but nice and really wants to get to know you " category or the "chad who thinks he's smooth and really wants to get laid" category Very few are the normal, nice, intelligent, charismatic, attractive, knows how to talk to a woman variety. There are very few just in the nice and attractive variety! Cookie I do believe you. I don't know if you were remember but I posted a comment on a thread one time I don't remember what the thread was and I was at a dinner party me and a couple of guys know what about 7 or 10 other women. We got to discussing online dating all of these women were in their forties a couple in their fifties and one or two in their late fifties but all of them allowed me to look at some of the guys they were currently talking to. Because as always sitting in this apartment all of their phones kept digging they were constantly getting attention from guys all of them were probably slightly above average in looks. When I saw the conversations that these women were carrying on from men around my age and some even slightly older than I was I was astonished. If somebody would have just simply explained that the men who are contacting these women were speaking to them like Junior High School dudes I would have never believed it. The rudeness and the coarseness of the language that I witnessed was unbelievable and I said to myself that I was going to change how I perceived online dating but I also fundamentally knew that if a good majority of the women who participate in online dating we're getting these type of messages and carrying on these type of conversations with such rude and ignorant dudes no normal guy is ever going to have a chance. Now while I was shocked by the coarseness of the language the question I was asking myself (I didn't say this out loud) why were you carrying on conversations with these idiots, you were only encouraging the stupid, idiotic behavior. I said long ago and I will continue to say that this is not specifically an online dating issue this is a societal issue. The crudeness and the idiocy exhibited by a lot of guys who participate in online dating affects all of us. But it is clear and it shows up on this site in the many conversations. An old quote and often quoted quote "you teach people how to treat you." The stupidity of guys behavior is being tolerated to a certain extent. These women while voicing some outrage based on the course behavior of the guys, they were conversing with none-the-less. Do women just simply say to themselves if the guy is good-looking enough, well maybe he may not be so bad once I get to know him, or hey what the hell I'm tired of being alone on Saturday nights so he'll do. The thing is on this site threads recycle about every few days. One guy will start a thread talking about how flakey the women are and then a woman will post about how crude, rude and despicable guys are and how none of them are attractive or sane. I don't know what the solution is all I know to do is how my parents raised me and that is speak to and treat people with respect. However more important is (ladies) when a guy treats you like crap and talks to you like crap and doesn't respect you then you need to stand up against that type of treatment. We can keep recycling the threads but until women simply start standing up for themselves and not tolerating the idiotic behavior the threads will continue to recycle. And the frustration will simply become more ingrained. I'll get off my soapbox now thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Most of the women I meet all seem to be attached. The ones that are single. They may be single and beautiful. I find them a bit aloof. Its almost like they really want to be razzled dazzeled from the get go. Instead of building something. It would be one thing if the single guys I know were sloppy and made no atempts to groom ourselves. I just think both sides need to give each other a break in terms of going out on a date. The physical stuff can wait. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Cookie I do believe you. I don't know if you were remember but I posted a comment on a thread one time I don't remember what the thread was and I was at a dinner party me and a couple of guys know what about 7 or 10 other women. We got to discussing online dating all of these women were in their forties a couple in their fifties and one or two in their late fifties but all of them allowed me to look at some of the guys they were currently talking to. Because as always sitting in this apartment all of their phones kept digging they were constantly getting attention from guys all of them were probably slightly above average in looks. When I saw the conversations that these women were carrying on from men around my age and some even slightly older than I was I was astonished. If somebody would have just simply explained that the men who are contacting these women were speaking to them like Junior High School dudes I would have never believed it. The rudeness and the coarseness of the language that I witnessed was unbelievable and I said to myself that I was going to change how I perceived online dating but I also fundamentally knew that if a good majority of the women who participate in online dating we're getting these type of messages and carrying on these type of conversations with such rude and ignorant dudes no normal guy is ever going to have a chance. Now while I was shocked by the coarseness of the language the question I was asking myself (I didn't say this out loud) why were you carrying on conversations with these idiots, you were only encouraging the stupid, idiotic behavior. I said long ago and I will continue to say that this is not specifically an online dating issue this is a societal issue. The crudeness and the idiocy exhibited by a lot of guys who participate in online dating affects all of us. But it is clear and it shows up on this site in the many conversations. An old quote and often quoted quote "you teach people how to treat you." The stupidity of guys behavior is being tolerated to a certain extent. These women while voicing some outrage based on the course behavior of the guys, they were conversing with none-the-less. Do women just simply say to themselves if the guy is good-looking enough, well maybe he may not be so bad once I get to know him, or hey what the hell I'm tired of being alone on Saturday nights so he'll do. The thing is on this site threads recycle about every few days. One guy will start a thread talking about how flakey the women are and then a woman will post about how crude, rude and despicable guys are and how none of them are attractive or sane. I don't know what the solution is all I know to do is how my parents raised me and that is speak to and treat people with respect. However more important is (ladies) when a guy treats you like crap and talks to you like crap and doesn't respect you then you need to stand up against that type of treatment. We can keep recycling the threads but until women simply start standing up for themselves and not tolerating the idiotic behavior the threads will continue to recycle. And the frustration will simply become more ingrained. I'll get off my soapbox now thank you. I bet it's because they find them attractive. We're these guys better looking than the women on a similar scale? Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Cookie I do believe you. I don't know if you were remember but I posted a comment on a thread one time I don't remember what the thread was and I was at a dinner party me and a couple of guys know what about 7 or 10 other women. We got to discussing online dating all of these women were in their forties a couple in their fifties and one or two in their late fifties but all of them allowed me to look at some of the guys they were currently talking to. Because as always sitting in this apartment all of their phones kept digging they were constantly getting attention from guys all of them were probably slightly above average in looks. When I saw the conversations that these women were carrying on from men around my age and some even slightly older than I was I was astonished. If somebody would have just simply explained that the men who are contacting these women were speaking to them like Junior High School dudes I would have never believed it. The rudeness and the coarseness of the language that I witnessed was unbelievable and I said to myself that I was going to change how I perceived online dating but I also fundamentally knew that if a good majority of the women who participate in online dating we're getting these type of messages and carrying on these type of conversations with such rude and ignorant dudes no normal guy is ever going to have a chance. Now while I was shocked by the coarseness of the language the question I was asking myself (I didn't say this out loud) why were you carrying on conversations with these idiots, you were only encouraging the stupid, idiotic behavior. I said long ago and I will continue to say that this is not specifically an online dating issue this is a societal issue. The crudeness and the idiocy exhibited by a lot of guys who participate in online dating affects all of us. But it is clear and it shows up on this site in the many conversations. An old quote and often quoted quote "you teach people how to treat you." The stupidity of guys behavior is being tolerated to a certain extent. These women while voicing some outrage based on the course behavior of the guys, they were conversing with none-the-less. Do women just simply say to themselves if the guy is good-looking enough, well maybe he may not be so bad once I get to know him, or hey what the hell I'm tired of being alone on Saturday nights so he'll do. The thing is on this site threads recycle about every few days. One guy will start a thread talking about how flakey the women are and then a woman will post about how crude, rude and despicable guys are and how none of them are attractive or sane. I don't know what the solution is all I know to do is how my parents raised me and that is speak to and treat people with respect. However more important is (ladies) when a guy treats you like crap and talks to you like crap and doesn't respect you then you need to stand up against that type of treatment. We can keep recycling the threads but until women simply start standing up for themselves and not tolerating the idiotic behavior the threads will continue to recycle. And the frustration will simply become more ingrained. I'll get off my soapbox now thank you. Nope nope totally wrong ! In my most recent thread about how my ex has 50 professional rich supermodels fighting over her because apparently women have much much more options I find it hard to believe Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Really feeling discouraged with dating. It seems like the guys that I attract, I do not find attractive in return. I have even given a guy a chance that I was unsure of from the start only to be reassured that I didn't feel any sparks there for him. Just so happens the one guy who I actually find attractive and amusing, doesn't want to date me. Idk what's going on with dating. Seems I'm only ever attracted to guys that don't want me. Or maybe it's because they don't want me, makes me want them more. I'm not sure. But I feel like I'll never meet someone where there's an actual mutual attraction. Im turning 25 soon. I still have some time and I'm not ina rush whatsoever. At all. But just dating someone I really liked who lead me on, discouraged me. I just feel a bit crushed and discouraged. What I'm hoping will happen for you and everyone else with this problem someday is you will meet someone that you just really click with and also find attractive. The best way to zero in on your best field of possible men is to follow your passions and stay active doing things you enjoy that involve other people so you find your niche. I was really a duck out of water when young until I found my particular music subculture crowd when I moved cities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Im turning 25 soon. dating in your 20s is exceptionally hard Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 OP, lower your expectations? I dunno that's what I hear sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 I agree that you might want to make some changes and update your style and makeup and hair. Get some input from some man friends, even one you work with. Like when I was young, I wore mostly black and didn't smile much and looked severe. It was me, but a little break from it and a smile would have made me so much more approachable. This stuff will not be obvious to you but it will to someone else who isn't right in your friend group. Like today, what I see on the street are a bunch of young girls who aren't even trying to look nice or at all feminine. Just hoodies and jeans, hoodies and yoga pants. This is the opposite of attractive clothing if you're trying to meet some better guys. I say go to a big department store and ask a clerk to choose an outfit for you or two, one dressy, one casual but not slobby. Then get a good haircut, and go to Mac and get your makeup done in a new way. Show a little skin but not too much. V-neck blouse instead of a tshirt. Fitted pants or skirt showing your shape. A touch of jewelry to look feminine. Guys like to see a woman look feminine, not like one of the guys... Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 That's the woes of dating. You like someone who doesn't like you back or can't like you back because of previous obligations and vice versa. It's quite okay to take a break and a breather before getting back out there. Eventually you'll find someone who will have 80% of what you're looking for. This. Stop actively looking for a couple of months or so, and instead do things you enjoy. If you happen to land someone in that time go for it, but take a break from the stress of looking. When you start back up, you'll at least be in a more positive mindset. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 dating in your 20s is exceptionally hard Not really. 20 something year old women are in high demand. Link to post Share on other sites
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