Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde

[Whattodo1968]

In a very new situation with a MM. I am also married, but can admit I am starved for attention. This MM started texting me out of the blue right after Thanksgiving. We both work for the same company. He continued to text daily, all day long, for the next 2 months. He made me feel special and desirable (sounds lame I know) and I looked forward to meeting with him. We met for a drink a and hit it off really well and agreed that this was never going to go anywhere beyond an affair. A month went by, the texting continued, and there were several cancelled rendevouzs, when we agreed one day to get off work early and meet at a hotel. He showed up, things happened, and 30 minutes later he was leaving. I was really confused as this didn't make sense based on everything that he had discussed leading up to it. It really made me feel bad. It has gone down hill from there. The texting became rare and very short, curt, and abrupt. I finally asked to speak to him and we met again for a drink. I explained how bad that first night had made me feel and that his obvious change in behavior towards me was not helping. I told him that if he did not want to continue this to just let me know and we would go our separate ways. He claimed that he had some things to finish up for work and that he had handled it badly and knew that I might have taken it the wrong way. Asked me to please give him another chance. So I did. We have hooked up one other time since then, and that was the only day that he contacted me in the original excited enthusiastic way he had in the beginning. Other than that, I am lucky to hear from him at all. I told him one other time that I wasn't going to continue to try to talk to him because I didn't like feeling like a bother with his short and curt replies, if he replies at all. Once again, he asked me to please not do that. So, once again, another chance. And it has just continued the same way. So now I feel like crap all the time and want to confront him and tell him that I will not be treated like this anymore. But I don't know if that is what I should do or just go NC and get over it. I am not in love with this man by any means, but I did become addicted to the initial treatment I got from him, especially since it started right when my mother died. I'm just so pissed that I am being treated this way. I realize I am being stupid, but just need to hear what others might think.

[freengreen]

We all here, hear your pain.. why?

 

Because every single one of the married men do the exact same thing. I dont know how they figure out how to manupulate ( practice makes a man perfect) and how we belive them like sheep.

 

Please get off all this... really really not worth. Its going to suck your self respect up leave alone giving postive attention.

[aileD]

Well. Would you have slept with him if he told you the truth?

 

"Hey, wanna f*ck? I'm bored at home"

 

 

No, so he woo'd you. You got played.

 

Go home and tell your husband to pay more attention to you or else you're going to just get stuck in this awful cycle

[somanymistakes]

That specific reaction doesn't sound like 'every single one' of the MM to me - but it does sound like a man who doesn't value you at all - not even as an AP!

 

He thinks you're weak and that he can get away with absolutely anything with you. He's not interested in having even a rationally agreed-to no-strings relationship with you because that would require treating you mentally as an equal, and he doesn't. Sadly, it seems that deep down he holds you in contempt.

 

The absolute best possible interpretation of his actions is that he hates himself for what he's doing and projects that onto you.

 

The worst? He thinks you're cheap and easy, and despises you for it while taking advantage of you.

 

I told him that if he did not want to continue this to just let me know and we would go our separate ways.

 

Don't give him control like this. YOU do not want to continue this, because he has repeatedly demonstrated that he can't behave even within the parameters you've set for him.

 

Dump the jerk - look elsewhere for attention because he is only going to make you feel worse.

[BuddyX]

So where is your husband in all of this?

[anika99]

So it's pretty obvious that this guy sweet talks you to get in your pants. Nothing new there, there are plenty of guys who do that.

 

Your choices are to either accept you are a booty call or to walk away. Confronting him and telling him you won't be treated that way is a joke. You have already shown him by your actions that you will accept being treated that way.

 

Your not his girlfriend and he certainly doesn't see you as a girlfriend. You're married and he's married. He was looking for some no strings attached sex and probably thought you knew the score since you are also a cheater.

[FoundMyStrength]

Honestly, it kind of sounds like he "groomed" you to get you hooked initially. Lots of attention, texting, compliments, etc. And once you're hooked, he doesn't want (or need) to put in all that effort.

 

Here's the thing. All that constant texting is actually really risky and dangerous. He's around friends, family, his wife, his colleagues. Even if he's careful and you don't pop up as a notification, he's probably checking his phone way more than usual. It doesn't go unnoticed.

 

Point being, a man will only do that if he's getting something from it. For some men, it may be love or ego boosts. For others, it may be the recognition that the woman has just enough self esteem that he has to give some to get some. He's just Mr. Hyde.

 

It sounds like he's put you in the category of "I don't need to give anything to get some." You should be running as fast as possible from this man.

[GollumsNightmare]

I'm just so pissed that I am being treated this way.

 

And, how would your husband feel about the way you are treating him?

[aileD]

Why would you be pissed????

 

He's married, you're married....what do you expect being a cheater cheating with a cheater?

 

If you wanted to be treated honorably you should have acted honorably

[Whattodo1968]

So where is your husband in all of this?

 

 

He is a workaholic that I usually only see awake on Saturday and Sunday. He knows I'm not happy as we have talked about it, but, no, he doesn't know that I went this route.

[Carpe Diem]

For an adult married woman, your post is wrongly toned at both righteous and naive.

 

The second you wrote "this married man started texting me out of the blue,'" EVERY SINGLE person reading the thread knew where your story was going. The notion that this ending surprised you and you were somehow misled, is laughable.

 

You're cheating on your husband with another (probably serial) cheater and upset that the "affair" didn't turn out the way you imagined with a longer term sexual and emotional component. There is a time and place for righteousness...... and this isn't it. This is why many of the comments are less than supportive.

 

I think you would get more sympathy and understanding if you had been more honest with yourself and written a thread along the line of "I'm unhappy in my marriage and I just got f..... played, I feel like a f...... dupe and am pissed."

[jah526]

I think some guys just like the chase. Doesn't even seem to me like he was all that interested in it getting physical, as evidenced by the cancelled rendezvous. Every time you go back to him now he's just being an opportunist and taking advantage. But in his mind, the chase is over for him and he won, so now he's directing his energies elsewhere (possibly to someone new).

 

You will never get the love and care you need from this man. He's good at pretending, but it is all an act. The best you can hope for is some respect if you stay away from him.

 

BTW, sorry for the loss of your mom. I know that's difficult, and the same thing happened to me around that time. You're in a vulnerable position - did he know that?

[sandylee1]

His behaviour is no different than many single men out there.

 

He's after easy NSA sex and he can't be bothered with the ego stroking now that he's reeled you in.

 

Find a better affair partner or get divorced.

[Whattodo1968]

Thanks for everyone for reiterating what I already knew. He has texted today and I havent replied. My husband has been talking about moving out and is looking for a place. So maybe I will have a chance to make some good choices and to find the right person now.