confused

[babycool]

i met an old school friend of mine. he confessed that he likes me so much even during our school days and his asking me to have an intimate relationship. well both of us are a divorcee. the problem is, iam dating a married guy. both of them treat me good, and both proposed me for a second marriage. iam afraid to settle down due to the bad experience i had from my first marriage.

 

i slowly tend to like them both so... iam confused right now. please help me!!

[Tony T]

Confused isn't the word for what you are. You are weary because of the bad experience you had in your first marriage and you are dating a MARRIED guy??? The married guy has proposed to you??? Wow, I don't know where you live but I hope I never drink the water there.

 

You need to clean up your life if you want to be happy. Forget the married guy. Drop him and move on. You don't need some guy for a husband who proposes to you while he's married to somebody else. You need to find a man with more ethics, morals, principles, etc. than that.

 

Maybe you could date the single guy for a while...but you don't seem to be excited about him...or either one of these guys for that matter. Why don't you just take some time to find a truly great guy who doesn't cheat on his wife and with whom you share goals and have much in common? Take your time. Don't be in such a rush.

 

Getting involved with a married man now will assure you of continued misery in your personal life. I hope you will clean up all that is happening in your life and start all over.

[anon]

i met an old school friend of mine. he confessed that he likes me so much even during our school days and his asking me to have an intimate relationship. well both of us are a divorcee. the problem is, iam dating a married guy. both of them treat me good, and both proposed me for a second marriage. iam afraid to settle down due to the bad experience i had from my first marriage. i slowly tend to like them both so... iam confused right now. please help me!!

 

There are times in life that we do things that show far more about ourselves then we can see. There are several reasons one would chose to date someone who is attached to someone else, but the biggest reason I have found is a fear of commitment themselves. I had an ex-boyfriend once who I stayed friends with. I started dating someone else, and all of a sudden the first guy professed his undying love. Of course I discouraged it, but remained friends. When my boyfriend left me suddenly, the first guy spent monthes wooing me until I gave in and gave him a second chance. It seemed that as soon as I gave in and we were together, he was suddenly VERY friendly with his friends wife. Long story short: he cheated, we broke up, they stayed together for three years, she left her husband (not for him, for other reasons), and he all of a sudden decided that he wasn't as in love as he thought.

 

Moral of the story: If you are in a relationship with someone who is commited to someone else, they can never commit to you- your safe! You have already admitted that you are weary of marriage because of your first one, so you've got it made with the married guy. Besides the fact, if they ever do divorce and he is all yours, don't think "He won't do it to ME" because as soon as you think that, he will. I think you need to spend some time letting yourself heal and come to terms with what happened in the first marriage before you can put it behind you and move on to the next.