Difficulties in Small town Rural Life

[WIfisherman]

I'm a 28 year old man, living a small rural community in the Northern half of Wisconsin. I have a college education, a good job and own a home in the country. My appearance is not an issue, I say with confidence I'm a handsome man. In college and my younger years I've had girlfriends and flings with women. Blondes have always been my vice. Yes of course I'm more than willing to date or be with a girl with dark or red hair. but for whatever reason I found myself attracted to girls with blonde or dark blonde hair.

 

My last relationship broke off because she wanted to move back to the Twin Cities (Minnesota) and I elected to take a job and go back to the rural country life I so very much love. I love the outdoors and it's opportunities, and small town lifestyle.

 

Between then and now, I've had some flings that never amounted to anything and now it's been almost two years since I last even kissed or had relations.

 

I see my friends who live in larger communities in relationships, marriage, and even starting families. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find and meet single and available women. It's frustrating, some days I feel very sad and lonely without a female companion. It feels like fishing in the dead sea,

 

I've tried online dating, (which led to some of the before mentioned flings). But have not had any real success with finding love. Just beginning to feel like I'm cursed and I'm losing hope that I will ever find true love.

 

Would love to hear from anyone who has had or is going through the same difficulty. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank You

[normal person]

You can't catch fish in a puddle. Period.

 

If you want success with women there's nothing more imperative than being in proximity to them. You can't date women if there are no women around in your small town. How many single women your age do you think there are there, realistically? 10? How many do you think are viable dating options? 1 if you're lucky?

 

When I lived in the suburbs during high school, I felt the same way. I knew basically everyone in town and I knew none of those girls were for me. I went to a pretty big university and suddenly I was overwhelmed with options, not to mention options that were living in such close proximity to me that I'd cross paths with them multiple times a day. After that, living in the larger cities in the country has been equally as conducive to meeting women. I will never, ever go back to living somewhere where I wasn't absolutely surrounded by women every time I step out of the house (until I'm married). Anything else is dating suicide.

 

If you enjoy the peace and quiet of a rural life, that's great. But unless you move to a more densely populated area with more options, don't expect to meet any women anytime soon. It seems you'll have to compromise one for the other. Best of luck.

[mightycpa]

You do realize, being a country boy and all, that when you cast your line in a small pond, that you're not liable to catch nearly as many fish as when you cast your line in the ocean, right? That hunting in a small woods won't net you as many kills as hunting on a game preserve? That there is a reason why criminals rob banks?

 

What you are faced with is what we in the big city call being caught on the horns of a dilemma.

 

Dilemma: a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones.

 

Country boy in the city with lots of women? Or country boy in the country with only the animals and trees?

 

Luckily, you live in the age of the internet. There are scads of beautiful Russian, Czech, Costa Rican and whatever women out there who would gladly discard the old life for a life with you in the woods, bearing your children and cooking your deer and squirrel.

 

The only question left is whether you could grow to love the one that shows up.

 

You know what I'm sayin'. Watcha gonna do? What can you do?

[thefooloftheyear]

When these threads pop up, its almost unbelievable..Ill accept that you have your perceptions....but i dunno.....Ive traveled all across this country...Ive been in little one horse towns, and I can always remember that there were enough people that I could find and point out attractive and seemingly available women...Just a few years ago, I was sidetracked, so I stopped in a deli to get directions, and while I was talking to the clerk, some woman comes over and offers to help me, starts asking questions about what I do, where am I staying, , etc...I'm not looking, but they seem out there...

 

Sure, the bigger the place, the more the pickings...I mean, I spend time in NYC and its literally swimming in good looking women...But then, there are also way more men vying for them....So, unless you are really the "cream of the crop", is it the same deal in the end??? Again, I dunno...

 

Its not like you need a whole bucket of fish.....just one "keeper" is enough, no?

 

TFY.

[preraph]

I think you can find someone but that your best way is to be very active in not only your immediate community but in other communities around your area, going to any type social or political event, going out to eat and for a drink, going to any and all fairs. There may not be someone right there in your town, but anyone living a similar lifestyle in and around your part of the state would probably be suitable and work with you relocating or whatever down the road. So don't turn down any social opportunities. Make trips to other towns, go to rodeos or any music shows, go to eat, and drive out away from town and fish those other ponds too. You will find someone.

 

As far as online, try to find any nearby meetup groups online and see if there is a city or state chat type forum or anything like that. Also, you might get on social media and put where you live and your interests if you haven't already. I live in a big town and I know there are multiple forums for locals. You might join one for the nearest larger town or something like that. Go to local highschool games and college games in the surrounding say 60 mile radius or more. Good luck.

[carhill]

Watched the closest small town grown from a couple thousand and no stop lights to 13 thousand and five stoplights over 30 years and here's my take:

 

1. Start young, gather the skills early, strike hard and work to keep. Unless you live in a small town where women outnumber men by a bunch, women are single for seconds only.

 

2. Since you missed the young thing, you're getting ready now for the first round of divorces. Tip: Stay social and don't be afraid to hit on married women. They know how to brush you off but if they're headed out the door you can get in on first tier. Most I've known over the decades, including the one I married, had a new guy long before the ink was dry on the D, usually before the ink was dry on the filing starting it.

 

3. Standing alone, be social. Do all the dumb and not so dumb social stuff. Church, Boy Scouts, Chamber of Commerce, volunteer clubs, whatever. Even if you don't like it. Heck you might like it. If you meet someone it's not so dumb, eh?

 

4. Travel. Women generally like worldly guys. Learn another language. Spend some time in other countries. Socialize with the ladies. Never know. Tip: Don't pick up on a girl in Moscow and expect her to like a small town; she won't, even if she might like you. Whenever traveling, if socializing for romance, be willing to move or look for someone who likes rural life. City folk don't normally like rural life. They might put up with it for the right partner but that's not liking it.

 

5. Think long-term. Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

I've done it all, had girlfriends in other states and countries, been married, was single for many years, always lived rural and am retiring to the forest where seeing another human is a rarity. My longest conversation so far with a woman has been with the female mail carrier on a rainy day right before Christmas. She announced that she thought California folks were snobs and TBH I couldn't argue with that

 

It'll work out. At the other end of life, once the reproductive urges are out of the way, it won't be a big deal. Whatever happens happens.

 

FWIW, I did really well with online dating and it saved a ton of money on fuel and wear and tear on vehicles not having to drive 50 miles round-trip to socialize without a date to meet people. Very cost efficient. Dating is expensive. Sometimes it felt like a second job except I was paying and not getting paid.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When these threads pop up, its almost unbelievable..Ill accept that you have your perceptions....but i dunno.....Ive traveled all across this country...Ive been in little one horse towns, and I can always remember that there were enough people that I could find and point out attractive and seemingly available women...Just a few years ago, I was sidetracked, so I stopped in a deli to get directions, and while I was talking to the clerk, some woman comes over and offers to help me, starts asking questions about what I do, where am I staying, , etc...I'm not looking, but they seem out there...

 

Sure, the bigger the place, the more the pickings...I mean, I spend time in NYC and its literally swimming in good looking women...But then, there are also way more men vying for them....So, unless you are really the "cream of the crop", is it the same deal in the end??? Again, I dunno...

 

Its not like you need a whole bucket of fish.....just one "keeper" is enough, no?

 

TFY.

 

Well, you're probably a rare exception in this case. Where live, though not rural, but close enough to rural...you cannot approach women out in public because they have their husbands or boyfriends with them.

 

If you go to flea markets, street parties, or just down town in a small town district, everyone's with their spouses or coupled up.

 

I recall when I was younger, and came back here after college, I would try to approach the ladies that worked in the department stores. At that age I was 19/20 years old and these women were already engaged to be married...to their high school sweet hearts of course.

 

I went to a local community college and a lot of these ladies went to that college, all aged mostly 18 through 21...most were coupled up with their high school boyfriends, so there was no real snagging dates left and right.

 

So the only real opportunity to couple up with someone, is in high school. If you were one of those guys that weren't much for dating while in high school....well, it's like musical chairs, you're the last one standing once you graduate. lol

 

This is how online dating became popular, people figured they cannot meet AVAILABLE singles in the area, so they hop online.

[WaitingForBardot]

When these threads pop up, its almost unbelievable..Ill accept that you have your perceptions....but i dunno.....Ive traveled all across this country...Ive been in little one horse towns, and I can always remember that there were enough people that I could find and point out attractive and seemingly available women...Just a few years ago, I was sidetracked, so I stopped in a deli to get directions, and while I was talking to the clerk, some woman comes over and offers to help me, starts asking questions about what I do, where am I staying, , etc...I'm not looking, but they seem out there...

 

Sure, the bigger the place, the more the pickings...I mean, I spend time in NYC and its literally swimming in good looking women...But then, there are also way more men vying for them....So, unless you are really the "cream of the crop", is it the same deal in the end??? Again, I dunno...

 

Its not like you need a whole bucket of fish.....just one "keeper" is enough, no?

TFY.

Exactly.

 

I lived in several very small rural communities and my experience has been the same. Perhaps the pickings are smaller, but I always managed to find the ones I was happy with, where the feelings were mutual.

[preraph]

Oh, also, wherever it is, 30 miles away or whatever, find the nearest steakhouse that also has live bands and dancing!

[WIfisherman]

I appreciate the responses I'm recieving so far, lots of insight and perspective. Also I love the fishing references.

 

In response to some the info and questions. The online dating I'm looking at a 50 to 60 mile radius, I've tried at 75 but most womens profiles seemed to limit themselves to 50 miles or less.

 

I'm involved in my community with coaching sports, I play in two softball leagues, including a coed league. I'm very social and enjoy chatting with people and making friends.

 

The ideas about flea markets and stuff like concerts are ideas I will take into practice.

 

At two points in my life, I've had my heart broken. After both incidents I got a little wild (the random flings). I find myself in a drought longing for a female companion, something serious again.

 

I have met a woman couple months back, An educator that moved to my area this past year. and became friends with. She is absolutely my type. But she has a boyfriend that lives out of town. I find myself falling for her, and its really driving me to be much more active with my pursuit to find someone else (online or in person). I dont want to count on her breaking up, even then she would still have to be willing to date me.

 

I'm not a push over, I flirt, joke around, and talk very casually with her. She has told me she has dated a lot of guys, mentioning to me she has ended being treated badly, or they end up being losers.

[RecentChange]

I grew up in a tiny town. Population sign STILL says 500 – but is more like 2,500 once you count all the people living in the surrounding area. Still a tiny, one bar, one store town, no stop lights.

 

Now, it wasn’t WAY out there, just over an hour to San Francisco, 45 mins to Palo Alto – but over winding roads and mountains that cut the town off from the rest of the bay area.

 

Finding love out there? As an adult? HARD. Most who married paired up in high school. Some “left town” to pursue education, met someone, and brought their spouse with them back to the small town. (heh, that would be me and my husband– met him when I went away to college, returned together later to enjoy small town life for a number of years)

 

But if you returned to town as a single person, and then looked for a spouse? Slim pickins, not many single available women around. When you have an area with a bunch of ranchers, timber men, farmers – the odds of a female ranching on her own etc are low. Finding single men doing the same things – plentiful.

 

So how “small town” are we talking?

[elaine567]

At two points in my life, I've had my heart broken. After both incidents I got a little wild (the random flings).

 

In a small area like this, you probably used up all your options...

[LordVader]

IDK, my life is wasted in the city. If I was in the countryside, I'd never see girls IRL.

 

I hate this whole planet, I'd leave if I had the means and ways

[fawnlawn]

It honestly seems very strange to me that you haven't dated or anything in about two years. You sound like a catch!

 

Though, I have also had similar problems, and it's mostly because of what I want out of a relationship. I want to meet people and make friends. (After all, I am new to the rural life I am living having come to my location from California.) And then maybe begin dating, and from there if a relationship seems like the right thing okay. Unfortunately a lot of people my age think two days of spontaneous texts and knowing nothing about each other means we are friends. A lot of people who are my age and into the online dating are looking to hook up, too, which puts a few fences in my way of finding friends.

 

I think something similar has to be going on for you. You have a college education and a house; basically you are prepared to settle down. Are the women you're trying to date on the same page or are they looking to have fun and figure things out together?

 

Plus interests, politics, and religion are important these days. I know there was a point when politics and religion weren't spoken of outside the house, and certainly not over a glass of wine, but today it's becoming more common. Maybe there's a conflict of interest between what concerns you and what concerns them.

[Popsicle]

I'm a 28 year old man, living a small rural community in the Northern half of Wisconsin. I have a college education, a good job and own a home in the country. My appearance is not an issue, I say with confidence I'm a handsome man. In college and my younger years I've had girlfriends and flings with women. Blondes have always been my vice. Yes of course I'm more than willing to date or be with a girl with dark or red hair. but for whatever reason I found myself attracted to girls with blonde or dark blonde hair.

 

My last relationship broke off because she wanted to move back to the Twin Cities (Minnesota) and I elected to take a job and go back to the rural country life I so very much love. I love the outdoors and it's opportunities, and small town lifestyle.

 

Between then and now, I've had some flings that never amounted to anything and now it's been almost two years since I last even kissed or had relations.

 

I see my friends who live in larger communities in relationships, marriage, and even starting families. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find and meet single and available women. It's frustrating, some days I feel very sad and lonely without a female companion. It feels like fishing in the dead sea,

 

I've tried online dating, (which led to some of the before mentioned flings). But have not had any real success with finding love. Just beginning to feel like I'm cursed and I'm losing hope that I will ever find true love.

 

Would love to hear from anyone who has had or is going through the same difficulty. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank You

 

Ahh yes. I now live in a smaller town than what I am used to (due to wanting to raise kids here) and have definitely noticed the difference in dating options. I have accepted that because of the choice I made to live here, my love life is going to suffer until I move. And I have decided to move to a bigger city once my youngest has graduated HS (soon).

 

I grew up in a tiny town. Population sign STILL says 500 – but is more like 2,500 once you count all the people living in the surrounding area. Still a tiny, one bar, one store town, no stop lights.

 

Now, it wasn’t WAY out there, just over an hour to San Francisco, 45 mins to Palo Alto – but over winding roads and mountains that cut the town off from the rest of the bay area.

 

Finding love out there? As an adult? HARD. Most who married paired up in high school. Some “left town” to pursue education, met someone, and brought their spouse with them back to the small town. (heh, that would be me and my husband– met him when I went away to college, returned together later to enjoy small town life for a number of years)

 

But if you returned to town as a single person, and then looked for a spouse? Slim pickins, not many single available women around.

 

 

Yep, very true. Everyone here is married or paired up already. When you go out on weekends, all you see is couples pushing strollers. It's a great place to raise a family. But being single? This is not the place for you.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Popsicle

[Popsicle]

I have met a woman couple months back, An educator that moved to my area this past year. and became friends with. She is absolutely my type. But she has a boyfriend that lives out of town. I find myself falling for her, and its really driving me to be much more active with my pursuit to find someone else (online or in person). I dont want to count on her breaking up, even then she would still have to be willing to date me.

 

Yes, you will find yourself doing stuff like this - falling for the wrong person - this due to your loneliness. (it's happened to me) After a while, you will learn to resist.