Guest Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 My H and I have been M over 10 years. In the past he would do most of the initiating of the sex. When we were dating and first M we both were equal on the initiating the sex. We were both ready to go. Now all of the sudden I am the one initiating the sex all the time. I don't mind doing it once in awhile but it's to the point I would probably not get any if I wasn't the one initiating it all the time. And lately, when I do want it and make the moves on him I do all the work, he just lays there and enjoys it, but doesn't do anything in return for me. Lately I have been performing oral on him a few times a week. He hasn't performed oral on me in a month or two and he always use to perform oral on me, said he liked it, and at times I even have to stop him because I want to get into intercourse. It's like he has gotten lazy in with our sex life in the last 2 months. I'm to the point where I don't even want to initiate the sex anymore. What is his problem lately. He always likes to touch me but when it fcomes to the sex, if it wasn't for me we wouldn't be having any. He use to want to have sex twice or more a week now he happy with maybe once. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 What has changed in the last two months? Has there been a job change, a death in the family, a new baby, have you moved from one home to another? When was the last time he had a doctor appointment? He could have any number of problems that would slow down his drive (diabetes, thyroid problems, depression). You may want to sit down with him at a quiet time and ask if something is bothering him. It's possible that someone said something to him that he misunderstood or misconstrued and he is taking it personally or now feels inadequate or feels that he "can't do anything right." Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Lil Honey What has changed in the last two months? Has there been a job change, a death in the family, a new baby, have you moved from one home to another? When was the last time he had a doctor appointment? He could have any number of problems that would slow down his drive (diabetes, thyroid problems, depression). You may want to sit down with him at a quiet time and ask if something is bothering him. It's possible that someone said something to him that he misunderstood or misconstrued and he is taking it personally or now feels inadequate or feels that he "can't do anything right." Lil Honey, I don't know about guest but there has nothing really changed w/ H lately and I am always initiated sex w/ him too. It use to be he wanted it all the time now he just doesn't seem to care. I am always ready to go whenever he is but I finally gave up initiating only to be turned down. My H and I have been M 13 years and 2gether almost 15. When he changed past jobs, had children, a death (his grandmother) his sexual attitude never changed. He has been at his current job for about 5 months. He likes it but the pay stinks. Maybe my H is also having some medical issue's for his decline in sex drive also. Maybe I need to sit down and have a talk w/ him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 First consider if it has anything to do with having children. Maybe he is reluctant to be a father and the less sex the less probability he will have to deal with it. Okay, so, if that is not a factor it could be physical, a lot there depends on age, the older he is the more likely that is the case. But, the greatest probability is that he is feeling trapped. So many years married, life is moving on. So many cute gals out there willing to get it on. It is inevitable when you are married. The married want to be single and the single want to be married. So he is likely caught up in the fantasy of life outside marriage. Our society seems to encourage it. In time, He may come to his senses. But in the mean time understand that it is a difficult phase in his life. All this is of course, is a generalization. But at least I have seen many married men going through this process. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by Neptune First consider if it has anything to do with having children. Maybe he is reluctant to be a father and the less sex the less probability he will have to deal with it. Okay, so, if that is not a factor it could be physical, a lot there depends on age, the older he is the more likely that is the case. But, the greatest probability is that he is feeling trapped. So many years married, life is moving on. So many cute gals out there willing to get it on. It is inevitable when you are married. The married want to be single and the single want to be married. So he is likely caught up in the fantasy of life outside marriage. Our society seems to encourage it. In time, He may come to his senses. But in the mean time understand that it is a difficult phase in his life. All this is of course, is a generalization. But at least I have seen many married men going through this process. I know it's not having to do w/ children, he had a vasectomy a year ago. I asked him 2nite if everything is ok b/c I noticed he isn't wanting sex as much anymore. He told me it was getting older (he's 37) and he is just tired. He told me not to worry about it, it wasn't me, he is still attracted to me so not to worry about that. He did have an A w/ a co-worker 2 years ago during our seperation. She wasn't cute IMO and others who knew about the A told me they couldn't figure out why her. One woman he worked told a friend of mine "His W is so pretty, why is he seeing T (the exOW)?" It wasn't about the exOW looks why he had the A, it was her personality and how she paid so much attention to him, blah, blah, blah. My H says I am excellent in bed so I know it's not b/c of being bad in bed. My H is honest, he will tell me if I suck, lol. I am glad I seen this thread since I am going through it. It made me realize I needed to talk to my own H about it. Why is that men hit their sexual peak at 18 and us women don't until 35-40? When we finally hit our peak they are too tired, it sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by StillHurtin how she paid so much attention to him, blah, blah, blah. I think this says it all. I was married for 24 years. To be honest, I believe that after a certain number of years (which is obviously different for each couple) two people start to take each other for granted. They get "lazy". One person doesn't give the other person the attention that they need (or both people don't give the other attention). The person who misses the attention thinks, IF she loved me, she would give me doting on me. Unfortunately, many folks seem to think that after X number of years, the other person should be able to read his/her mind. At the same time, I can completely understand how akward it feels to have to ASK for attention. Afterall, if the other person wanted to give attention, wouldn't they? When I think of a new, fun, exciting relationship (what most affairs are made up of), I think of lil love notes, sneaking kisses, calling just to say, "I love you." I'm just guessing here, but maybe what your husband needs to a new relationship from the same wife . . . maybe YOU need to start an affair with your husband . . . Edited to add: Being "tired" can be an excuse, but you need to look at how much time he spends at work, the type of work, his working conditions (does he have to work in the hot sun?), and the length of his commute. Any of these really CAN tire a person out. However, tiredness IS a symptom of depression, among other things. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Thanks guys for the responses! I will have a talk with H tonight. Things still haven't changed much in the sex area. This past weekend we got away together and rented a motel room, and no kids. He didn't even touch me when we went to bed! I layed down with him and all he did was watch the sports news! Usually we have morning sex on the weekends a few times a month. Well, the next morning he didn't bother touching me then either. I couldn't believe it. I didn't initiate the sex because I knew I would get turned down like I usually do. He was more interested in the stupid sports news than me. When we got home the next day and I was making supper I finally initiated the sex. Of course he turned me down again. I went into the kitchen to start supper and he came over and we ended up finally having sex. Why would he say no one minute and the next he is coming over wanting it after he just said no? Still, hope things are getting better for you on this too. It stinks to have to initiate all the time. Makes me wonder if I am attractive to him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
starbuckkitty Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 I have essentially the same story, only it also lead to me having no attraction to him at all. All I know, is that if you do not make him initiate sex more often you will lose all desire to do so at all. Be forceful. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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