Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I made a thread earlier about this girl, but now i've done nothing wrong. We've come to a point where she says she basically loves me but doesn't want to fully acknowledge it before she meets me in person. I agree. This has been a very trustworthy girl thus far and has always said what she wanted and what she thought, good or bad. I think thats wonderful as i don't have to keep guessing. She seems to be really into me, and i am really into her as well. Well, now what's considered a red flag appeared and i've no idea how to bring it up. She's saying her ex has started pestering her and she says she is scared and becomes unsociable with me when it happens. I asked her why she doesn't block him as he lives far away, but she says she's worried that he'll appear so apparently it's better to just deal with his messages. She didn't have to say that to me as we are pretty long distance. She could have kept shut about everything. I'm on the fence as to what to believe. Is she truly over him or could she find herself in his arms again? what do you think? Either way i'm tempted to ask her in a non confrontational message that i'm afraid she might not be over him. She does mention him from time to time (never in a good light though) and if she's not over him and the chance is that they'll get back together then i'll cut my losses. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Here's how to catch a break : END THIS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Here's how to catch a break : END THIS. With her being as blunt and honest (to the point of saying stuff she really shouldn't) don't you think i can trust her? I'm at least willing to hear her out, but i do want to have a clear answer before moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 With her being as blunt and honest (to the point of saying stuff she really shouldn't) don't you think i can trust her? I'm at least willing to hear her out, but i do want to have a clear answer before moving forward. Her ex is back and probably was abusive ( just guessing since she's scared), She's still in contact with him. He'd probably appear at some point. Enough red flags to run away and save yourself from future pain. I don't see the point in hearing her out, are you a therapist? If you think her ex won't be a problem well you're wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Her ex is back and probably was abusive ( just guessing since she's scared), She's still in contact with him. He'd probably appear at some point. Enough red flags to run away and save yourself from future pain. I don't see the point in hearing her out, are you a therapist? If you think her ex won't be a problem well you're wrong. Not her therapist but if this is simply just as she has told me then how stupid wouldnt i be to just abandon her without trying to get her to tell me how she feels? It's a shame. I see a few problems but every single one feels controlling so i don't want to pressure her or make stupid mistakes. When she's drinking she seems to ignore any messages (even though she says she wants to message me before going out) even though she still goes on messenger from time to time. I did test that out as something weird happened and i wrote her a real teaser of a message. She replied within 10 seconds. If i bring this up i will sound like i'm crazy. She did write some nice messages but went dark again. whether or not this is connected to her ex, i don't know. All i know is that it will be controlling of me to start asking those questions. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Not her therapist but if this is simply just as she has told me then how stupid wouldnt i be to just abandon her without trying to get her to tell me how she feels? Trying to get her to tell you how she feels is needy behavior. You're not abandoning her, you're actually saving yourself from future emotional pain. Don't ignore the red flags this all i can say. It's your choice if you want to continue this then go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Trying to get her to tell you how she feels is needy behavior. You're not abandoning her, you're actually saving yourself from future emotional pain. Don't ignore the red flags this all i can say. It's your choice if you want to continue this then go for it. I'm really just gonna give her that one chance to explain herself before i decide anything. I don't care if it's needy. The fact that she becomes a wreck after being contacted by him warrants a question, don't you think? i doubt anyone with some self respect would just sit there and take it and hope for the best. It is also a problem if everyone just "saves themselves" without trying to get the details and then judge the details if they sound believable or not. She might just be scared of him, i won't know until i ask her in a way that makes her lying difficult. I don't believe she will lie anyway. Withholding truths is another matter. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 The fact that she becomes a wreck after being contacted by him warrants a question, don't you think? No, I think the fact that she becomes a wreck after being contacted by him - and still allows herself to be contacted by him again and again - speaks volumes, and tells you everything you need to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 No, I think the fact that she becomes a wreck after being contacted by him - and still allows herself to be contacted by him again and again - speaks volumes, and tells you everything you need to know. Yep, i agree. Hence the reason i will talk to her and try understand. I won't be able to shake this until i get an answer i can be content with. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I made a thread earlier about this girl, but now i've done nothing wrong. We've come to a point where she says she basically loves me but doesn't want to fully acknowledge it before she meets me in person. I agree. This has been a very trustworthy girl thus far and has always said what she wanted and what she thought, good or bad. I think thats wonderful as i don't have to keep guessing. She seems to be really into me, and i am really into her as well. Well, now what's considered a red flag appeared and i've no idea how to bring it up. She's saying her ex has started pestering her and she says she is scared and becomes unsociable with me when it happens. I asked her why she doesn't block him as he lives far away, but she says she's worried that he'll appear so apparently it's better to just deal with his messages. She didn't have to say that to me as we are pretty long distance. She could have kept shut about everything. I'm on the fence as to what to believe. Is she truly over him or could she find herself in his arms again? what do you think? Either way i'm tempted to ask her in a non confrontational message that i'm afraid she might not be over him. She does mention him from time to time (never in a good light though) and if she's not over him and the chance is that they'll get back together then i'll cut my losses. Dude, Like I told you before none of this is real. You are still living in internet fantasy air. As long as you continue to do that, you will never have anything but drama with this girl. Why? Because she can tell you, or not tell you, anything she wants. You've never even met her so for all you know she may still be in a relationship with is guy and just playing games. Look, maybe you like to keep this charade up because it makes you feel like you are in a real relationship, but you are not. This is not real. None of this is. The best thing to do is to cease all contact with this person so she does not keep you up at night with questions in your head you'll ever know the answer to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Dude, Like I told you before none of this is real. You are still living in internet fantasy air. As long as you continue to do that, you will never have anything but drama with this girl. Why? Because she can tell you, or not tell you, anything she wants. You've never even met her so for all you know she may still be in a relationship with is guy and just playing games. Look, maybe you like to keep this charade up because it makes you feel like you are in a real relationship, but you are not. This is not real. None of this is. The best thing to do is to cease all contact with this person so she does not keep you up at night with questions in your head you'll ever know the answer to. But that is what i will do though if she doesn't take the steps to see me soon. And by that i mean a ticket. I'll just have to do my best at not growing more attached before that. She is not in a relationship though, that much is obvious. Whether or not she sleeps around is anyone's guess. I should't just ditch her based on what i wouldn't even consider a real gut feeling. I've had that once before, this is not like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ostepop Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 Dude, Like I told you before none of this is real. You are still living in internet fantasy air. As long as you continue to do that, you will never have anything but drama with this girl. Why? Because she can tell you, or not tell you, anything she wants. You've never even met her so for all you know she may still be in a relationship with is guy and just playing games. Look, maybe you like to keep this charade up because it makes you feel like you are in a real relationship, but you are not. This is not real. None of this is. The best thing to do is to cease all contact with this person so she does not keep you up at night with questions in your head you'll ever know the answer to. I just wrote a message that she can't wriggle herself out of. If it's a no then i'm out. Can't accept the ignoring, the drunkenness, the repeated mention of the ****ty ex. She's free to do as she likes, but if she wants to continue doing all that it's without me. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 With her being as blunt and honest (to the point of saying stuff she really shouldn't) don't you think i can trust her? I'm at least willing to hear her out, but i do want to have a clear answer before moving forward. What's clearer than he's an ex and that she refuses to break off contact with him? If a cheater tells you they are cheating does that make them more honourable? Not saying your girl is cheating but she's waving big red flags above her head and you're giving her credit for waving those red flags. Hence the reason i will talk to her and try understand. I won't be able to shake this until i get an answer i can be content with. Why the talks, why the why are you doing this, you should be doing that? You're "dating" aren't you? She should be 100% into you, ex boyfriends thrown to the wind, in very extreme cases ditching her friends just to talk to you. You seem to be trying to twist her arm to comply with just the basic stuff..also Do you ever plan to live where she lives or her near your place? Long distance rarely work for a reason even less when you don't trust or are trying to reason with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 She can't know if she loves you because she hasn't even met you. People are very different in person. And there are no guarantees in love. You are letting fear drive you, and that is the very thing that in person will turn her off. Link to post Share on other sites
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