Kat Keller Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) (the OP) engaged in the affair with the married man of her own free will. To ruin his marriage over her hurt feelings because he spent time with his wife (which should be expected as he's not a single man) after the fact IN THIS CASE is simply unfair. No one was forced here. The nature of extramarital affairs dictates that they are between the two people involved. They both make a mutual decision to engage in it secretly and because someone (as the OP of this thread) finds themselves disgruntled then wants to start ruining lives by divulging what the AP has done with them is hypocritical and unreasonable. I am not of the opinion that there is never a time for a spouse to be informed of infidelity. I'm saying THIS situation as related by the OP is simply unwarranted and she even mentions herself that she did it out of hurt not because she actually cared about his wife. Edited April 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Bottom line is... she (the OP) engaged in the affair with the married man of her own free will. To ruin his marriage over her hurt feelings because he spent time with his wife (which should be expected as he's not a single man) after the fact IN THIS CASE is simply unfair. No one was forced here. The nature of extramarital affairs dictates that they are between the two people involved. They both make a mutual decision to engage in it secretly and because someone (as the OP of this thread) finds themselves disgruntled then wants to start ruining lives by divulging what the AP has done with them is hypocritical and unreasonable. I am not of the opinion that there is never a time for a spouse to be informed of infidelity. I'm saying THIS situation as related by the OP is simply unwarranted and she even mentions herself that she did it out of hurt not because she actually cared about his wife. I think it's safe to assume she wasn't concerned with "actually caring about his wife". the OP could take her power back by ending it completely with her MM. Then she could begin a. Ew and improved life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Keller Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I think it's safe to assume she wasn't concerned with "actually caring about his wife". the OP could take her power back by ending it completely with her MM. Then she could begin a. Ew and improved life. Indeed. The OP stated why she wanted to do it and it wasn't because of any concern for his wife so no one needed to really assume since she gave that information. As far as her power is concerned... absolutely in agreement with your point. Unfortunately, sometimes when emotions are running so high people don't always make the most sound decisions about ending something detrimental to themselves right away. Takes longer for some people. I got the impression that is why she came here seeking support and a chance to vent her feelings about it. I'm glad she was able to find the outlet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 at this point, I hope he does leave and I'm finally able to free myself of this. It's been five years and it will never change. I've been doing a lot of reading up on love addiction and separation attachment disorder and omg I realize now that I have been this way with every man in my life since dating. I could never let them go even when I knew the relationship was not right. I'm starting to understand the reasons why and it's helping me see this situation differently. It's not MM I cannot live without because he doesn't even treat me good. It's the validation and abandonment issues i have. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Savannah, I am happy to see you doing a lot of self introspection! Keep it up. A healthy you will attract a healthy partner. Your choices in the past have been indicative of your unhealthiness. Unhealthy attracts unhealthy. Healthy attracts healthy. Keep up the self care 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 No advice just 2 questions Would a BW want to know regardless of OP motivation? Also if MM lives by the sword..etc. Why should a cheater expect their AP to keep some mistress code? I don't know if it's best to tell under any circumstances or not, but I do believe in general if people play with fire they should imagine they will get burned. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoo Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Op, you looked at some of the stuff I told you to google/YouTube? Love addiction, love avoidant, anxious attachment??sounds like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 Lovetoo, yes thank you for the resources on love addiction. I went to YouTube and watched one video on anxiety separation and abandonment.. omg it was me my entire life with my relationships with men. I had no idea I was doing this and now that I'm aware this exists. It just makes so much sense now. Thank you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoo Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I know what you mean. Being aware if this first part, but just being aware won't change your attraction. But it can help you a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
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